Leaving Your Heart Behind
by WolfGirl4Life
Summary: After one drunken night Leah finds herself pregnant with her alphas baby, so she runs away. Two years later, she comes home toddler in tow. As she deals with the consequences of her mistakes, she finds ways to deal with her past, and learns to love again.
1. Preface

**Leaving Your Heart Behind**

What happens when two lives become one?

When one person becomes dependent you…

So dependent that you are its only source of life?

What happens when you don't care about your life anymore?

You want to die, but if you go, the other will go down with you.

You love the other.

You care about the other.

You want the other to live,

Strong and healthy.

What happens when you care about someone else more that you care about yourself?

When you love someone more than you love yourself?

You have to give up what you want

Forget about yourself

And do what's right for the other

It doesn't matter what you want anymore

Because you eventually become dependent on them

They are your reason to live

That someone is _your _only source of life.

Most importantly,

You have to forget what you want to do

And do what you have to do.

You have to leave your heart behind.


	2. Chapter 1: Realization

We were all sitting at Emily's tiny kitchen table. We were so big; our shoulders were squeezed almost uncomfortably together. I was smashed between Jacob and Seth, and Seth was becoming larger in the muscle department, making it impossible to sit next to him. Jacob…his biceps got bigger every day.

"We have no choice," Sam said gravely. "We protect La Push and everyone in it. We have to go." Sam was talking about the war with those Italian bloodsuckers that were coming to kill us all. Coming to kill the Cullens anyway, and apparently, we were going down with them.

"Sam! We don't have to do this! This isn't our fight! Let the Cullen's deal with it. We don't have to risk all our lives for something that isn't our fault," Jared said. We all looked at him. Jared wasn't usually one to speak great words of wisdom, but today, I felt like screaming in agreement. On the inside, I was cheering, but on the outside I kept my mouth shut. I was part of Jacob's pack and I would stay loyal to him, as much as it hurt me. Seth sat beside me; the look on his face was unreadable. I bit my lip, then stared at the table.

"We protect La Push and the Cullens. The Cullens are our friends," Jacob growled, his eyes zeroed in on Jared.

"Oh, come on, Jake! You know this is just about your little six-month-old vampire of a girlfriend!" Paul sneered, looking at Jake with an expression that terrified me. Jacob started hating Paul- not that any of us really liked him before- when he imprinted on his sister, Rachel. Jacob's body started rocking the table violently.

"Don't talk about her like that!" he said through his teeth.

"Jacob, calm down, please. Its okay, its Paul…he's just annoying like that…" Paul hissed at me, so I just glared back. Jacob laughed humorlessly.

"We go. That's final." He stood up. Seated from where I was, it was as if he was eleven feet tall. I looked up at him. Jacob ran out. Seth murmured a quick goodbye, and then hurried faithfully behind his alpha. Really, he was everyone's alpha. Even Sam had his head bowed. I looked at the face of each wolf in the room…Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry, Quil, Collin, Brady…even though each annoyed the hell out of me in their own special way, it was hard to grasp that this may be the last time I would see each of them before we were sentenced to death. I didn't move, I didn't think I could. My head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds as I lifted it to scan their faces one last time. Each frown was a punch in the stomach and a knife in my back.

"Goodbye. Good luck. I…uh…I guess I love you guys. Like family." I whispered, wiping the tears from my eyes and then sauntered out of the room. I knew that Jacob and Seth had phased as soon as they left, but for some reason, I didn't want to. I could hear howling in the distance, and following my ears, I ran toward the sound. I found them in a clearing about half a mile from Sam's house. The pack had come here several times to meet and plan. Seth was leaving, running out as I came in. I stared at the moonlit mass of russet fur, his back facing me. He turned slowly, and then faced me. The look on his wolf's face was blank. When he realized I was there, his face twisted into sheer agony. I felt my face, checking my expression, I had a look that was horrified, scared, confused, upset…I looked back up at him, trying to hide his pain-filled eyes, but hardly succeeding. Just then, just like before, it felt like someone had punched my stomach…from the inside. I looked quickly down, my hand clutching the spot that had been kicked. I looked up at Jacob, then turned and sprinted away, leaving my heart behind. Silently, I thanked Jacob Black for giving me a reason to live.

I would never come back.

I glanced at my stomach, realizing that there was a slight roundness jutting out from my hips. I corrected my previous thought.

Neither one of us would ever come back.

**This is a series I really want to do, so please review, favorite and all that Jazz! I love you guys so much! Check out my oneshot Stretched Out On Your Grave, it hasn't gotten much love. Keep reading my stuff. I love you guys! REVIEW!!!**


	3. Chapter 2: Flashbacks

I stared after my beautiful daughter smiling. She was so beautiful, so perfect; it was hard to look at her for too long. But I frowned as I thought of the secret behind that perfect face.

I had disappeared the day Sam and Jacob announced that we were going to the battle with the Italian vampires; for fear that I would die. Not that I minded much, but I wasn't just protecting one life. I was protecting two. Mine and my baby's. The motherly instincts kicked in the second I had the suspicion I was carrying another life. These instincts were foreign, new, and strange…I didn't recognize them. The bitter, mean, acid-tongued person I was before just melted away,

I didn't tell anybody I was leaving, why, where I was going, when I would be back…that I was pregnant. Definitely not that I was pregnant. I remembered the one little mistake of a night. The one that ruined, but completed my life.

_We were both drunk. Terribly so. The room was spinning slightly from the alcohol as he laid me down on his bed. I told him I had a weakness for red wine. I probably shouldn't have, but all I could think about was how his tight black t-shirt stretched over his abs, his chest, his biceps. I giggled as he traced my face with his finger. I knew that neither of us would remember this in the morning._

_Somewhere between our shirts hitting the floor, and our lips smashing together, I lost all control over my body. And somewhere in between him taking off my skirt and underwear, and him massaging my entire body, I lost control over my actions, too. At the time, I said 'screw the condom, nothing will ever happen anyway'. At the time, I didn't care. At the time, I was incredibly stupid. _

I didn't regret that night anymore as I stared at my perfect daughter. The daughter I'd always dreamed of.

At first, I went to a homeless shelter for women where I was the best-off person there for the first time in my life. I got a job quickly, and soon enough, I was able to afford a two-bedroom apartment in Seattle, food, nice furniture. I was doing pretty damn well for someone who started out with nothing. I would've gone farther away, but I couldn't make myself do it. As soon as I was settled in my new apartment and my new lifestyle, I convinced myself to go to the doctor. I needed to see if this sudden gain in weight was me eating too much, or me having a baby.

_I sat in the chair, anxiously. All the home-tests had been positive, but I had to make sure. My hands were shaking; not with anger, but with excitement. Finally the doctor came into the room._

"_Congratulations Miss Clearwater. You are having a baby girl." An impenetrable smile spread across my face. It was only at home when I realized what this meant. This baby could not be delivered in a normal hospital. Not with me, a werewolf as the one giving birth._

_So the only solution was to find a private caregiver who would deliver the baby at my house. It was hard to find, but not impossible. I paid her a good amount of money for her in advance. She told me that was the only way they accepted payment. I didn't believe her at first, but decided to trust her. Maybe I paid just a little too much, but it was unsafe to do it a normal hospital._

Nine months passed. Those months seemed slow, but they passed. I was questioning if the kicking, screaming, mood swings, sudden cravings, throwing up all the time, fatigue, bloating, headaches, heart-breaking gossip, crying, side-glances when they thought I wasn't looking, all the secrets I was keeping…the question that I battled myself with, the question that kept me from sleeping, the question that I had beat myself up over…my ability to be a mother. For a long time, I could hardly take care of myself. Was it practical to take responsibility over something as helpless as a baby?

She knew some bits and pieces of La Push from the pictures I kept lying around. Pictures of my mom, Seth, my dad, Emily, and the one photograph of Jacob that was on my nightstand. She knew these people by their face, not by name. I was scared to terrify her with the dark past that lurked behind those smiling pictures.

But one day, about 14 years from now, she would become a…werewolf. I still had trouble even thinking the word. She had no idea what I was…what I had the potential to do. I hadn't phased in a long time, but I knew that power was still within me. My inner wolf was still a part of me, no matter how long I had tried to deny it. The inner wolf was a part of who I was.

That didn't stop the excruciating pain I was in when it was time for my daughter to enter the world. I had been mentally preparing myself for being in labor, knowing it would be different than most. For one, I was a werewolf, two, I would have the baby with a home "nurse" who claimed she had all the equipment she needed to help the baby stay strong throughout her first few days of life.

_I screamed again, forgetting about the neighbors. The door was locked shut, and these walls were supposed to be sound proof. I screamed again and again, forgetting the surprisingly professional-looking woman working over me as I prepared to make a new life. _

_My vision blurred. "You can do this," Leah, I encouraged myself, since there was no one else to do that for me. "You can do this. Do this for yourself. It will be worth it. Do it for the baby. Do it for everything you've ever wanted. Do it for everything you've worked for these past few months. Do it because everyone thought you couldn't. Prove them wrong. Do it because you told yourself it was impossible. Prove yourself wrong. Do it for yourself, Leah. You deserve something to live for. Something to rebuild your heart. You can do this, Leah. It will be worth it."_

And for once, the promise to myself was right. As I stared at my daughter in all her brilliance, I knew that everything I had ever done led up to this. And I knew it was worth it.

**Okay so this chapter isn't really part of the story, it's just kind of giving you some background information on what happened during the time Leah was gone and blah blah blah. Thank you so much for the positive feedback. I might post the third chapter today because I'm staying home from school. I have a good idea for a preface too, so watch out for that. Keep reading! Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so much!!**

**See if you can guess who the baby will be named after? I have a few ideas I just have to choose. So please review and tell me what you think!!**

**P.S.: I didn't say who the dad was on purpose. Tell me who you think it is!**


	4. Chapter 3: Dear Baby

I was cleaning out my desk at home, filing old papers, smiling at old photographs of the two of us, when I found something that I didn't remember. It was a small black notebook, I opened it up, and the first entry was dated two weeks before the day of my daughter's birth. I started reading on the first page.

**Dear Baby,**

**Hello, my name is Leah Clearwater, and I am your mother. I don't know why I started this journal, baby, but I hope that maybe one day you'll find this little book and you'll get to see everything I was thinking before and after you were born. Only two more weeks until you're here. It's so hard to wrap my head around. I can't believe that the day has almost come. I can't wait to see you Baby! I can't wait to hold you in my arms! I can't wait for someone who is mine, someone that I have a good hold and a good claim on. Someone to love me unconditionally for who I am because of who I am. **

**Love,**

**Your Momma**

I flipped through the book, the entries were extremely short, each only four or five lines, but they were all addressed to my daughter, and there were only four. I'd always dedicated my journal to someone. I began reading the next one, dated just one week later, one week until her birth.

**Dear Baby,**

**I hope you love me, my baby. I hope you love me because I want to be the best mother I can possibly be. I want to give you a loving, stable home. I want to bring you to school, and have play-dates and be happy. I want you to be happy. We can be a happy family together, I know it. It will be just the two of us. I want all these things for you, baby, because I love you. I know that sounds silly, but you have to understand that I love you already. Unconditionally. With all my heart, I love you. Even if I haven't seen you yet, I love you. Oh, have I mentioned I love you?**

**Love,**

**Your Momma**

I smiled slightly. I acted so young at the time. As soon as I realized my responsibility as I mother, I snapped into a more mature personality. I liked that. I flipped the page. The next entry was dated a day before my due date, the day my baby was born exactly on time.

**Dear Baby,**

**The caregiver is here. Tomorrow is the day we are expecting you to come into the world. I can****'****t wait, baby. I just can****'****t wait for you to come. That****'****s not the reason I****'****m writing now, baby. I was up all night thinking of a name for you, and I found it. It****'****s perfect and I really hope you like it. You****'****re going to have two middle names, I hope that****'****s okay. So here it is, my beautiful daughter, for the first time in writing. Jayme Serena Harmony Clearwater. I think it****'****s a great name; you are named after three wonderful people. I hope one day you****'****ll get to meet them. I know they****'****ll love you just as much as I already do.**

**Love, **

**Your Momma**

I have never regretted naming Jayme the way I did. So beautiful, unique, and fitting. I got to name my baby what I wanted with no pressure to please anyone but myself. I named her after the three most important people in my life, wanting her to grow up to be a combination of the three. Funny, a loyal friend, dedicated, a leader, sweet, kind, quiet, compassionate…the things that made up these people that mattered most to me. The last note wasn't that long, but it was longer than the others. It was dated the day of Jayme's birth: June 27th.

**Dear Jayme Serena Harmony,**

**You are the most beautiful baby I have ever seen in my entire life. Obviously, I****'****m a little biased, but that doesn****'****t**** matter. The nurse said you looked a lot like me. I disagree. I think you look like your father. Your deep black eyes that say more than they should, ink black hair that****'****s so much thicker and shinier than mine****…****but it wouldn****'****t matter what you looked like, I would still love you. I wouldn****'****t treat you any differently if you weren****'****t as beautiful as you are, because you are my daughter, and I love you because****…****because****…****okay, I don****'****t really know why I love you as much as I do. Maybe it****'****s because you****'****re my last connection to home. Maybe it****'****s because I carried you in me. Maybe it****'****s because you gave me something to live for. Whatever it is, baby Jayme, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Oh, and I love you. From the bottom of my heart, I love you.**

**Love,**

**The Happiest Momma on Earth, yours**

I wiped the silly tears from my eyes and laid the notebook down next to me. No matter what I did, the tears just kept coming back. I hadn't noticed Jayme in the doorway.

"Momma!" she yelped, running to me. She started crying too, and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Please don't cry, baby," I begged, whispering in her ear. I had never handled her tears well, even as an infant. She pulled back to look at my face. She pressed her tiny hand to my cheek. I held it there.

"Why was you crying, Momma?" she asked finally. Her voice was so innocent, I couldn't help but not give her an answer. I scrambled around frantically in my mind, searching for something that wouldn't scare her.

"Jayme, I'm crying because I miss _my_ mother," I said, the words coming out before I could stop them. I examined her face. She was shocked. It was hard for her to believe that anyone else in our family existed besides her and me.

"Why can't we go see your mother?" she asked. It seemed like a simple solution coming out of my two-year-old's mouth, but it was totally complicated. Going back to La Push would feel like failing. Going back would give away all the secrets I 'd worked so hard to keep. Going back would mean regret, guilt, and so many questions that I wasn't sure I was able to answer.

"Momma, do I have a Daddy?" Jayme asked. I stared at her stunned.

"Why are you asking, JayJay?" I whispered, unable to be any louder.

"Because Christina Taylor was making fun of me at the park today. She said that I don't have a daddy because he doesn't love me or my momma." She started crying at that. I wiped away the tears from her face, and tucked a loose strand of hair back behind her tiny ear.

"You have a daddy, sweetheart. And he loves us both very much," I said, but I hated lying to her.

"Then why isn't he here with us?" she asked quietly.

"I…Sweetie…" I stammered, searching for an answer. "Do you want to go out for ice cream?" I asked, biting my lip. She immediately brightened, forgetting all about the conversation before.

**Alright, I'm sorry the chapters are so incredibly short, but I'm ending them where it seems right to end them. I could've kept writing, and believe me I tried, but it felt wrong and bulky, so I saved it for the next chapter. **

**So what do you think of her name? I think it's really pretty! I think I'm going to change my name to Jayme Serena Harmony. Haha, just kidding, but I really do like that name.**

**Now that you know what her name is, how about you tell me who you think she's named after. There are a couple of hints in this story, so look out for those.**

**Thank you to all the reviewers! I have gotten the quickest response ever out of you guys, so please, please, please, keep doing what you're doing because I'm loving it. (ba da ba ba ba…) Okay, that was seriously bad, but I thought it was funny for a second.**

**PS: did I forget to mention who her daddy is? Whoops! ;) keep reading!**


	5. Chapter 4: There's No Place Like Home

It was bribery, sure. I felt guilty as I wiped the vanilla ice cream from around my daughter's mouth. I had never used her adolescent mind against her before, and I felt sick doing it. It was only natural that buying her ice cream would take her mind off her long lost family, and I felt…disgusting to use that to my advantage. Even if she had turned two three months ago.

The girl was smart; I had to give her that. After we got in the car and she was fastened in her car seat in the back and I had pulled out of the parking lot did she ask again.

"Momma, you never answered my question," she pointed out.

"What question?" I asked nervously.

"The question about my daddy," she said impatiently.

"Oh sweetie," I started, but she cut me off. It was like she was ten instead of two.

"Mommy! I want to know!" she moaned.

"Sweetie, your daddy is in a place that is better for him. It wouldn't be…safe for him if he stayed with us," I explained, the words coming out all wrong.

"He doesn't love me?" she choked, tears rolling down her russet cheeks. I pulled over to the side of the road, and as fast as I could manage I plucked her out of the car seat and into my arms.

"He doesn't know you, JayJay. But if he did, I'm sure that he would love you so much…"

"I want to meet him, Momma." She said.

"I…"

"Can we visit your Momma?" she asked suddenly. This girl was a genius. She could get anything she wanted. She was totally irresistible.

"JayJay, I'm not sure if my momma wants to see me," I said quietly.

"Why wouldn't your Momma want to see you, mommy. You're the best person I've ever met!" she exclaimed, hugging me. I needed the comfort. But as soon as she said that, I realized just how little my daughter knew me. I realized just how little she knew about La Push and her family. I realized just how little she knew about her whole life, really.

"Is that what you really want? To meet my momma?" I asked. "Because Jayme, I don't know if my momma will want to see me." I repeated. She shook her head in denial, not believing that someone had the ability to dislike me. "Okay, JayJay, we'll go visit my home, but you have to understand that no one there is going to know who you are, and may be very surprised to see you. There will be lots of people who want to hug you…"

"I think it's worth it," she said quietly. It was a done deal. She was the wisest two year old on the planet.

She was not antisocial, but she was sometimes shy, and didn't like meeting new people especially adults. I laughed joyfully, and hugged her to me. It was official. I had never felt anything as strong as the love I felt for Jayme Serena Harmony Clearwater.

_  
"Mom?" I asked, taking deep breaths._

"_Leah?" she asked._

"_Yeah, mom it's me…" Jayme started tugging on my pants. I gave her a look, but she didn't see. "Jayme, stop it please," I murmured it was silent on the end of the other line._

_"Leah? Who is Jayme?" Sue asked in a clear, but strained voice. I paused for a long time. I didn't know how to answer this without breaking her heart._

_"Your granddaughter," I murmured finally. Sue burst out into tears, I didn't know if they were happy or sad._

_"Mom?" I asked, trying to talk to her, maybe reason with her._

_"Leah…I need to see her. Please let me see my granddaughter," she begged._

_"Of course mom," I answered eagerly. "Jayme actually wanted to meet you and I was wondering if we could stay with you in La Push for a while."_

_"How long?" she asked eagerly. _

_"I don't know mom. Let's see how we settle in. But she needs to know about her life, Mom. I can't keep these secrets from her anymore. It's killing me."_

_"Jayme?" she asked suspiciously._

_"I'll explain when I see you. We'll come up this weekend, okay?"_

_"Come up anytime you want, Leah. Me and Seth will be here waiting for you."_

_"Thanks, mom. I love you."_

_"I love you, too Leah." I hung up with a huge smile on my face._

_"Does she want to see us?" Jayme asked as I hung up. I opened my arms and she jumped in. "Does she?" she whined._

_"Yes. She does." I whispered._

I parked on the side of the road, a block away from the small brown house where I had been born and raised. Jayme was asleep in the backseat. I breathed in slowly and deeply, trying to ready myself for whatever lay ahead. I had no idea what to expect. I had missed so much, there would be so much that I would have to get caught up on. I exhaled slowly, then put the car forward and parked on the street in front of the house. I got out, and opened the door open, Jayme stirred slightly.

"It's time to wake up, Sleeping Beauty. We're here." I unbuckled her car seat and held her as I went around to the trunk. She was still half asleep.

I grabbed our duffle bag out of the trunk, and struggled to sling the bag over my shoulder. I felt an unnatural breeze whoosh past me.

"Let me help you with that," a voice said.

"Seth!" I squealed, (yes, squealed) and pulled him into a one-armed hug; my other one was occupied. As I pulled back, I examined my brother. Holy crap, he was eighteen. He was an adult. He looked like one.

"How long was I gone?" I asked, scanning him again.

"Two years, eight months, two weeks, and four days" he said, sounding slightly embarrassed.

"You want to tell me the hours the minutes and the seconds too? You've been counting?" I said, laughing slightly. He shrugged.

"Oh my God, Seth I've missed you so much!" He laughed.

"I've missed you too, Leah. It's just not the same without you," he admitted blushing slightly. "So, who is this?" he asked, motioning towards the half-asleep toddler in my arms. I wasn't convinced that mom hadn't already told him everything, but I couldn't help but brag.

"This is Jayme," I introduced, the love in my voice clearly identifiable. "Your niece," I explained further.

"Jayme, sweetheart, this is your Uncle Seth. He's my brother. You want to say hi?" I asked, she blinked her eyes a few times, getting used to the cloudy lighting. She looked at Seth and smiled. I handed her to him, not concerned about him dropping her. He held her carefully, a little awkwardly, as if he'd never held a baby before.

"She's beautiful, Leah," he said. "Really, I've never seen anything like her." He was gazing at her. He loved her already, just like I did.

"Thanks, Seth, really. It means a lot." I gazed at her too.

"Seriously, you've got nothing on Nicole, or Derrick."

"Who?" I asked raising my eyebrows.

"So, Emily didn't tell you?"

"Emily had kids." It wasn't a question.

"Yup," he said, popping the "p"

"That's nice," I said dazed.

"I think she's asleep again, do you want to take her?" he asked. I glanced at Jayme. She was sound asleep.

"She tried to stay awake for the entire ride from Seattle, but she fell asleep. She's exhausted. You don't even know how excited she is about meeting you. She just doesn't have the energy to be excited," I explained. He nodded.

"Let's go inside. Mom's making dinner," he was instantly ten times more enthusiastic. It was just food. He was more excited than I was and I hadn't eaten in…fourteen hours. He opened the door for me, and my mother's home cooked spaghetti (my favorite) wafted into the room.

I'd forgotten how short she was. Her head barley reached my shoulder as she ran into the room to hug me. She smiled even wider at the toddler in my arms.

"Mom, she tried to stay awake the entire way over, and she is so exhausted. Can we do the 'unveiling' after she's gotten some rest?" She nodded, though she was visibly less excited than before.

"I set up your room for you. I bought a crib because I wasn't sure if you were going to bring one or what not…"

"Mom, you didn't have to do that. I know money's tight and everything…"

"Sweetheart, I'm going to make exceptions for my granddaughter. Now put her to bed, and we can talk over dinner. I made your favorite." I smiled. I loved how Sue made me feel at home as though I had never left. She treated Jayme as though she was already a part of her family and she hadn't even met her. Not that I objected.

By the time we'd finished dinner, Jayme was out cold, and I felt bad waking her up. I promised my mom the minute that she was awake, that they could formally meet. After some catching up in the living room, I bid everyone a good night and headed off to check on Jayme, relax for a while, and then eventually go to sleep.

"Leah?" Sue whispered at 11:30 at night. I smiled.

"Come in, Mom. I'm awake."

"Good, I wanted to talk to you, but I don't think it's appropriate for Seth to be in the room when we discuss it."

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine I just have a couple of questions." I nodded. Here comes the interrogation. I sat back on my pillow.

"Leah, I'm sorry if this is personal, but I think it's important that we get things clear, okay? Who is her father? He's obviously Quileute, just look at her. She's the poster child for a pure bred La Push baby." I raised an eyebrow at her choice of words.

"Okay. That came out wrong, but whatever," she said. I had forgotten how much I really loved my mother. She seemed so much happier than I remembered. She must have gotten over my dad, or she just had a distraction…

"Mom are you dating someone?" I asked, she gasped, looked alarmed than suddenly embarrassed. She looked at the floor, then to the side, looking at me out of the corner of her eye. "Who is he? Come on mom, you can tell me. Who is he?"

"Charlie Swan," she murmured. I tensed. Charlie Swan was Bella Swan-Cullen's daughter. So if things got serious…

"And how is that going?" I asked, trying to make her forget about the question. I'd been doing that a lot lately. I hadn't been so manipulative in a long time.

"It's going…pretty well, actually. I don't know, though, Leah. After your father died, it doesn't seem right to be dating again."

"Mom, as much as it kind of creeps me out that you're dating again, you have to remember that Dad loved you. He loved us all. He wouldn't have wanted us to live in the past grieving over him. He'd want us to move on, be happy, in the present. He'd want this for you, Mom."

"I don't know, it's just that they were such close friends…"

"Mom, Charlie's a great guy, and Dad knows that. I promise you, he would want this for you. He would want this for all of us."

"Thank you Leah," she whispered.

"So, I know her first name is Jayme, but what is her full name?" she asked eagerly again. I smiled.

"Jayme Serena Harmony Clearwater," I said proudly.

"And how do you spell it? J-A-M-I-E…J-A-I-M-I-E…J-A-M-E-E…J-A-I-M-E-E…"

"J-A-Y-M-E," I told her. "I wanted her to be unique. Jamie seemed so…so…_normal_." My mother nodded in understanding.

"Are you going to tell me who she's named after?" she asked. I tensed.

"Well, the Serena is for Seth, and Harmony is for dad," I said. She nodded again. My mother had always been so perceptive. She saw things that nobody had to tell her. She saw things even when you gave no proof of what they were. She saw things in you before you actually saw them in yourself. Sometimes it was helpful. Sometimes it was just plain scary.

"And the name Jayme? Do you just like that name?" she asked. She knew. She knew I knew she knew. But she wouldn't force me to say it.

"Yes, I just like that name, mom," I whispered. She nodded again in what seemed like agreement.

"She's beautiful, darling. She looks like you. But she also looks like her father."

**Another cliff hanger! And this is where the plot really starts to take off! Please review and tell me what you think! It's very interesting to see what you guys have to say about who you think Jay's father is. Most of you are saying Jacob, but I got one comment that said it was Sam. Hmmm…very interesting. I'm not giving anything away. Here's a hint though, Leah is very self-conscious about admitting to the father about Jayme, and she's not done with the lying and the secrets.**

**I really want to thank you guys. No joke, this series has gotten ¼ of the comments that I had been getting for my other series 'So Many Things Left Unsaid' which is about 32 I think. In two chapters. Thanks you so much for the reviews. I really appreciate it.**


	6. Chapter 5:My Family

I glanced over at my sleeping daughter, then back at my mother.

"I know. That's why I can't keep her a secret for too long," I sighed. My mother shook her head.

"Leah, if you really wanted to keep her a secret, I think you could. I just don't think that's the right thing to do." I was shaking my head this time. My mother gave me a confused look, lips pursed, one eyebrow raised, eyes curious.

"I have worked for two years, eight months, and one week to build these walls around her. To protect her. Only now am I realizing that it was wrong to keep her cut off like this. A little girl as special as she is deserves a family, and a father, and friends…but I don't know after two years of this am I ready to break down all the walls," I said quietly, tears beginning to streak my face. "What do I do?" I asked my mom. She shrugged and shook her head.

"You have to do whatever you think is right. You have to do whatever you believe is best for her," she said.

"What would you do?"

"I think you know what I would do," she said, stroking my hair.

"Yes, you would do what I can't do," I stated matter-of-factly. She laughed, but her voice turned serious again.

"Lee, you can't expect to keep it a secret forever. As she grows she's going to need a father. She's going to need Jacob, sweetie. And I'm sorry that it hurts you to tell him, but you're going to have to. He deserves to know that he has a daughter."

"I know he deserves to know, I just don't think I can tell him what he needs to know," I said. "Mom, I don't think I'm strong enough for this."

"Leah," she said, looking me in the eye. "You can do this. I know you can. You care about your daughter, and I know that you are an amazing mother. You will do what is right for her. I know you will. I know you're strong enough for this, Leah. I know you are." I looked my mother in the eye, and shook my head.

"I don't think I can, mom." I said.

"Leah I don't think you can. I know you can."

"I'm not ready."

"Do it when you are. It will be fine. I promise."

"How can you promise that? Promises are only made to be broken," I whispered. She shook her head.

"Leah, you can't think about yourself anymore. You have to leave your heart behind and do what's best for your daughter." I nodded. It was useless to keep fighting with her. I had known she would win from the beginning.

"You have to promise me that you'll let me do this my way, okay? No interfering; telling Billy or anything. Please mom, I'm twenty-one years old. For once, let me do this on my own."

"I've let you go on your own for two years, eight months, and one week. I'm pretty sure I can handle it." She kissed my forehead, and got up to leave.

"Momma?" Jayme called sleepily from her crib. Mom's head instantly perked up, and she whirled around. I laughed. I got out of bed, and lifted Jayme from the crib.

"Did you have a nice sleep?" I asked her. She nodded, rubbing her adjusting eyes.

"Do you want to meet my Momma?" I whispered. She smiled brilliantly. A smile where you just couldn't help but smile back. "She's right here," I whispered, but then spoke in a normal voice. "Jayme, this is your Grandma Sue." My mom began to cry as my baby girl smiled at her. I placed her in my mother's arms, and she smiled again right up into my mother's face.

"I love you, Grandma," Jayme said quietly. My mother wiped a tear away from her cheek and smiled widely.

"I love you too, Jayme," she said, looking up at me. I smiled. Jayme was magical. It was like she had this power that made it impossible not to love her. I saw the same love that radiated from both Seth and Sue's face echoing my own the first time I held my daughter. It seemed like forever that Sue and Jayme sat there, staring int o each other's eyes. I wasn't bored though. I sat there, marveling in wonder. I wondered why I had kept my daughter from this place. This place that held so much security, and support and most of all love. I wondered why I ever thought it was better for her that she stay away. I couldn't think of any reason as I stared at the love in my mother's eyes, staring at her granddaughter.

I knew that the introductions would only get harder from here. Seth and Sue were my instant family. They were almost forced to love me and my daughter, even if they didn't want to, but they clearly did. That didn't include Sam, Emily, the Pack…so many people that I cared about. So many people that wouldn't approve of the smiling baby that was Jayme.

_I nervously scrolled through the caller I.D. on the landline phone, searching for Emily's number. When I finally found it, I took several deep breaths, then hit the talk button. It seemed to ring, and ring, and ring, and ring, until Emily finally picked up the phone._

_"Hello?" she answered, sounding out of breath. There were children shreiking with laughter in the background with lots of older sounding people talking._

_"Emily? It's me, Leah…"_

_"Seriously!? Oh my god Leah it's been forever since we've talked! Are you back in La Push? You have to come down! Everybody's down here, the whole pack. Except for Jacob. He's over at the Cullen's or something. But never mind, you have to come see me!" I hesitated. This was good; Jacob wasn't there._

_"Yeah, Emily. I wanted to call before I came down because…"_

_"Are you kidding? You never have to call! You're like everybody's sister here!"_

"Em! Can't I get a sentence out!" I said, it came out harsher than I meant it to.

_"Sorry, it's just that I'm so excited to hear from you…"_

_"Yeah, I'll be down there real soon. I have a surprise for you. Bye, Emily," I said, hanging up before she could ramble on. I wanted to get there and leave before Jacob did._

I sat in my car for a few moments in Emily's driveway before I got out. I took a few deep breaths as I unbuckled Jayme's car seat. I examined my outfit as I pulled her into my arms. Jeans and a t-shirt. I hoped no one was totally dressed up. Not that the pack was ever dressed up or anything. I set Jayme on the ground, and held her hand as she climbed the porch steps one at a time. Before I could even think about hitting the doorbell, the front door swung open, and Emily had me in her arms, breaking my hold on Jayme. She finally set me down, and I finally got a good look at her. Something reflected the sun on her hand, and I noticed a big, fat, engagement ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. She saw me looking at it and blushed slightly.

"When?" I asked, staring at the diamond that graced her finger.

"He asked me last week," she said, examining the diamond, as if checking for scratches.

"Congratulations," I said bleakly.

She then looked me up and down, and saw the little girl that hid behind me. Her lips curled into a smile.

"Leah?" she asked, looking around me to see the little girl. "She's yours?" I nodded, and it was my turn to blush. Instead of questioning me, Emily crouched and started speaking to Jayme. "Hi. I'm your Aunt Emily, and what's your name, sweetheart?" Emily took her into her arms and stood up again. Jayme frowned and started squirming, reaching out to me. I took her away

from Emily.

"Jayme, that wasn't very nice. This is your Aunt Emily," I said to her. She hid her face in my hair. "Sorry," I mouthed. Emily looked a little shocked that Jayme hadn't reacted well to her, and a little hurt too.

"Come in,"she said blankly. I was a little upset that Emily was so hurt by this, but she was Emily. She'd get over it soon enough. Emily closed the door behind me and I was left staring at her tiny kitchen crowded with people. All eyes were on me as everyone took in the little girl in my arms. I smiled weakly. The silence was awkward, strange, and unbearable. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood there, looking at the floor, my face getting hot.

"Hello, Leah," someone said. I turned around. It was Sam. He had his arm around Emily.

"Congratulations on the…er…wedding," I said quietly.

"Thank you." I scanned the room. Sam, Emily, Paul, Rachel, Jared, Kim, Quil, Claire, Embry, Collin, Brady, Seth, and Emily's two kids were there. Looking around, I realized that I had missed every single one of them. I looked over at Seth with pleading in my eyes. He picked up on it and nodded. He stood, then walked over to me and took Jayme out of my arms. Jayme giggled as Seth smiled at her. Everyone looked confused, shocked, and slightly horrified.

"Everyone," I announced nervously, not sure if this was the right thing to do. "This is my daughter, Jayme." The room buzzed. Rachel whispered something in Paul's ear. Claire looked at Jayme with excitement, and Quil said something in her ear. Embry, Collin, and Brady stared; their mouths hung slack with their gaze switching from me to Jayme at a fast rate. Kim said something under her breath that made Jared laugh. Emily and Sam were having a quick, quiet, conversation in hushed tones. Seth was talking to Jayme. For the first time ever in Emily's tiny home, I felt extremely alone. I stood there uncomfortably in all the excitement, looking at the floor, embarrassed for ever thinking that coming here was a good idea. While everyone was saying things about me behind my back, I staggered to the couch, and collapsed. I watched everyone side glance at me, and I felt like crying. Seth noticed me on the verge of an emotional breakdown and placed Jayme back in my arms.

"Can we leave?" Jayme whispered in my ear, obviously overwhelmed by the sea of unknown people. So badly I wanted to give her what she wanted. To walk out that door and never come back. To go back to my little brown, safe, comfortable, secure, home. Back to where my mother was. Seth would come home later and we would be as happy as we were before. But I couldn't do that. I needed to stay and reason with everybody. They were going to start asking questions soon, and I needed to be here to answer them.

"Later, sweetie, okay? We need to stay here for a little while longer then we can go back to Grandma, okay?" she nodded, obviously a little disappointed, but she buried her face in my hair, and covered her ears. It was getting louder. I put my head on her tiny shoulder and waited for things to get calmed down. Suddenly it got very quiet. Embry sat on the couch next to me.

"Hey, Leah," he said. He was obviously extremely uncomfortable, but I was thankful. By talking to him, it gave me something to do besides wonder when I could leave.

"Hey Embry," I said quietly. It was silent for a few seconds while he thought about what to say.

"What have you been doing for the past two years?" I raised an eyebrow, and glanced down at Jayme, who had raised her head to get a look at who I was talking to.

"Oh, right. Duh," he said. I nodded. "Seth has been going crazy missing you. He would talk about you nonstop wondering when you could come home. His head was not exactly a happy place."

"Well, I'm here now," I said, not looking at him.

"Thank God," he laughed. I chuckled lightly.

"So, how are you, Leah?" he asked.

"Better now than I was before," I admitted.

"That's good," he said. I nodded. "You look great," he pointed out. I raised an eyebrow at him, then rolled my eyes.

"What? I can't even compliment you?" he asked innocently. I just shook my head.

"How are you, Embry? Anything interesting going on?" I asked. He blushed a little bit. "What?" I asked, laughing a little. I was getting more comfortable as I talked.

"I imprinted," he said quietly. I smiled.

"That's great, Embry! Who is she?" I asked. Jayme turned so she was facing Embry.

"Who is that?" she asked curiously, glancing at him.

"That's Embry. You want to say hi?" she nodded. "You okay with that?" I asked him. He shrugged. I leaned forward, and he formed an awkward little cradle with his arms. I laughed, and tucked Jayme into it. He looked at her, and she smiled. With that smile, she had him. She had everyone with that smile. She was so adorable she had everybody under her spell.

"Me next," Rachel, who I hadn't noticed was there, said. She sat next to me on the couch, and I gave her a hug.

Over the next few hours, Jayme was passed around from person to person, werewolf to werewolf, a few times. The only person she really seemed uncomfortable with was Paul, but nobody really was surprised or blamed her. The conversation flowed freely, becoming less and less awkward as the minutes flew by. Jayme went off to play with Claire, Nicole, and Derrick. Claire was now five, Nicole was three, and Derrick was two, just like Jayme. It felt just like old times as we all crowded in Emily's living room talking, laughing, and joking. I was included as if I'd never left. I never really noticed that anyone was missing until Jacob walked through the door.

"Hey gu- Leah?" he gasped.

**Okay! There's your next chapter. So I finally told you who Jayme's dad was. Happy now? Haha! Just like so many of you wanted, it's Jacob. But the drama is only beginning.**

**Thanks for all the reviews. The response for this series is the biggest I've had yet! Thank you so much! Keep reviewing**


	7. Chapter 6: Jacob

…_I never noticed someone was missing until Jacob walked through the door._

"_Hey gu- Leah?" he gasped._

I just sat there in shock. This was not a part of my plan. This was not how it was supposed to work. Jacob wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be at the Cullen's place like Emily said. He wasn't supposed to come home earlier. He WASN'T supposed to be here. Except he was.

Jacob in all his glory. One glance and I could see all the Jacob that Jayme had in her. And at that moment, I realized that she had more him than me. I could see why on that drunken night, I had fallen for him. Why I had unconsciously leaned toward him for his support. Jacob was hands down the most attractive person in the room. That thought took me off guard as we stood there in silence, scanning each other up and down.

"Hey, Jake," I said self-consciously, searching for my daughter so I could go home. She was in the next room, playing with the other kids. I could hear her shrieks of delighted laughter. Jake could too, obviously, as his eyebrows scrunched together at the unfamiliar sound. As if on cue, Jayme waddled adorably out of the playroom. Her pigtails bounced as she jogged over to me and into my arms. I saw everyone's entranced smiles appear on their faces as she jumped into my lap. She had everyone in the room under a spell. Even Jacob, who hadn't even met her, had his lips curled up slightly in a tight half-smile. I looked up into his critical eyes, but he wasn't looking at me. He was looking at Jayme. He knew. He knew from the second she walked in the room. I was panicking.

"Momma!" she squealed, and everyone laughed. She giggled, Jacob's jaw was dropped. I could feel my cheeks getting hot as a slight blush crept to my cheeks.

"Are you having fun with Claire, Nicole, and Derrick?" I asked her. She nodded enthusiastically, her smile getting even wider, her cheeks almost touching her eyes.

"Can we come back tomorrow?" she asked, her eyes bright with excitement.

"If you want, JayJay, sure. We can come back tomorrow, right?" I asked the group. They all nodded, some answered.

"Of course!" I heard Embry say, but I paid him little mind. I was focused on Jacob and the way he was looking at my daughter. In that moment, I knew I wasn't ready to tell=2 0him. It was wrong keeping this from him. Keeping this from both of them, but I just couldn't get the words out. I had no idea how I could ever say 'Jacob this is your daughter' without having an emotional fit. Jacob opened his mouth as if to say something, but closed it again, his jaw making and audible snap. He did this several times during the awkward silence. Finally he was able to spit the words out.

"S-so, um. Wh-who is th-th-this?" he stuttered. I laughed lightly, and looked down at Jayme.

"This is my daughter, Jayme," I said, smiling down at her. She smiled back, but then looked up at Jacob. After I said her name, there didn't seem to be any light bulb going off in his head putting two and two together. I was relieved. I wasn't ready for all this to happen tonight. It was silent for a few moments more, and then Sam broke it, throwing a conversation out there with more enthusiasm than was hardly necessary.

"So, Jake. Anything interesting going on at the Cullen's place?" Jacob shook his head, and it fell silent again. Slowly but surely, the conversation picked up again, but I was a lot more nervous to continue than before. Maybe it was the late hour. Maybe it was the fact that Embry's suddenly smiling face was scaring me. But maybe it was Jacob's angry, frustrated expression that no one seemed to be able to figure out. Did he know? He seemed unable to accept the fact that there were a baby girl's arms locked around my neck and that the baby belonged to me. Did he already figure out that the baby belonged to him as well? He couldn't have.

_I groaned and grabbed my head as it began to throb. I knew I shouldn't have let him talk me into that last glass last night._

"_**How m-many have you had, Lee Lee?" he asked his husky voice sloppy from the alcohol.**_

"_**I don't k-know. I think I should st-stop, Jakey," I answered, my voice slurring each word together, just as sloppy as his.**_

"_**We're g-going to be p-p-passed out anyway, what's one more g-glass?" he asked. I was too drunk to know if he was right. I downed the last glass quickly, and gasped as I finished. That's when he started kissing me. His tongue was sloppy and all over the place and his breath tasted and smelled of slightly stale red wine, but at the time, it seemed like the most beautiful kiss in the world. It didn't take long for him to convince me to follow him to his bedroom.**_

_The room spun slightly as I slipped back into the present. I groaned as my head pounded in time with my frantic heart. It wouldn't be long until he woke up, dazed, confused, and totally out of it. It wouldn't be long until he asked me why I was there lying next to him in his tiny bed in his tiny room. I already had my story straight, but I was still nervous for his reaction._

_He moaned in his sleep, then stirred slightly. He rolled over. Without opening his eyes, he massaged his temples. His eyelids fluttered open, and then widened._

"_Leah?" he asked shocked. "What are you doing here?" He didn't seem as concerned as he should be. Poor kid must be more hung over than I was._

_I explained to him what had happened, or at least what I wanted him to think happened. He seemed to believe me, but slumped back onto the bed and began snoring. He wouldn't remember this conversation in a few hours. Poor guy was more hung over than I was. He was younger. His body didn't react to alcohol as well as mine did. I'm sure his body didn't react to sex well did either. As soon as I was sure he was back sound asleep, I put my clothes back on and ran out._

I heard Jayme's breathing slowing and a light snoring in my ear, she was fast asleep.

"Well, she's totally zonked out. I have to bring her home. I'll see you guys tomorrow?" I asked. They all agreed enthusiastically. "Seth, do you need a ride?" He nodded. Kim stood up.

"I have a curfew to make. Ten thirty, and at this rate I'm not going to make it. Jared, will you take me home?" Jared stood as dutifully as a loyal slave behind her and followed her out.

"I better take Claire home," Quil announced. He went into the playroom. Surprisingly, it didn't take much for Quil to get her out of there.

"Well, it looks like everyone's leaving. Paul, you want to get going?" Rachel asked. Paul shrugged and put his arm around her. Collin and Brady were trying to get Embry to pay attention them.

"Come on! You said you'd give us a ride home, man," Collin said, nudging him.

"Huh?" he asked, snapping out of a trance. "Oh, yeah. Sure, come on, I'll drive you guys home." They rolled their eyes dramatically, and walked out to Embry's car. I could hear them outside fighting over shot gun. Embry still hadn't left yet.

"Well it looks like I'm one of the only ones left. Jake, do you need a ride?" I asked, not quite sure why I did. He shook his head, though I didn't see his car in Emily's driveway.

"I'll probably take a trip back to the Cullen's maybe I'll stay there tonight." He said, his voice showing no emotion. It was a strange monotone, unusual for Jake's normally upbeat personality. I nodded, motioned for Seth to come, and then walked out. Embry followed us out.

"What's his deal?" he asked.

"You're asking me?" I asked. He followed me to my car where I buckled a sleeping Jayme into her car seat. Seth climbed into the passenger seat.

"I guess you wouldn't be the best person to ask…" his eyes wandered to Jayme sleeping soundly in her car seat. "You two will come back tomorrow, right?" he asked, still not looking at me.

"Yeah, I said that didn't I?" He nodded, but his attention seemed diverted. Collin and Brady banged on the windows of his car. He groaned. I tried to ignore the fact that Embry seemed to be paying more attention to Jayme than anything else tonight.

"See you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Tomorrow," I agreed. He smiled, and turned. I smiled, though Embry's odd behavior was kind of creepy, he was being friendly to me and actually nice. I liked having a friend. I turned and got back into the car, a smile on my face. I turned to look at Seth. He didn't seem as content as I did. I was confused by his troubled expression.

"What's up Seth?" I asked, glancing at his face. Seth winced, and as he did, I couldn't help but do it with him. We didn't have the kind of connection where his pain was my pain, but I truly cared about my kid brother. No matter how old he was, I would always think of him that way. The eighteen year old boy…man…but no matter how he aged, no matter how his face changed, there was just _something_…some youth or innocence about his very presence. It was there the day he was born, and it would be there the day he died. Weather he liked it or not, it was there. But to see that wince cross my brother's face was painful, because other than Jayme, Seth was really the only one I cared about. Okay, I cared about other people too, but Seth and Jayme were my main priorities. It was silent for a long time; I was trying to get the words to come out.

"What's wrong?" I asked urgently, my voice shooting up three octaves. He looked at me. The pain had subsided, mostly. His face wasn't blank, but it was hard to read. He had this look on his face where it was like he was trying to figure me out.

"You don't see it?" he said quietly.

"What? See what, Seth?" he shook his head.

"Never mind," he mumbled, and turned to stare out the window. I stared intently at the back of his head, but snapped my head back to the road when I realized we were home. Seth quickly got out of the car, avoiding my eyes. He shot a glance at Jayme, then ran inside the house. Everyone was just acting so weird today. I took Jayme out of her car seat. I didn't know why, but there was a nervous cool sweat covering my entire body. My hands trembled slightly, not from anger or from phasing, but from fear, I guessed. I clutched Jayme closer, hoping that the shaking wouldn't wake her.

I walked slowly inside, hoping that fresh air would help calm me down, but it did absolutely nothing. I walked inside, and I smelled the mixture of spices my mom used when she cooked. I was surprised when she didn't shoot into the room the second I came in. She just shouted:

"Dinner's on the stove, Leah. You can heat it up in the microwave if you're hungry," I wrinkled my eyebrow in confusion, but as I walked into the living room, everything was explained. Charlie sat there on the couch next to my mom, they were cuddled up under a blanket. As awkward as this was, I tried to be as casual as possible.

"Hey, Charlie," I said, avoiding eye contact, and slowly moving towards the stairs. I could feel his stare burning in my back as I walked up the stairs, Jayme on my hip. I heard some whispering of his questions, but he was speaking too low for me to clearly hear what he was saying. I sighed as I opened the door and saw my messy room just the way I had left it this morning. It felt good to have some familiarity after this day of weirdness. I changed Jayme into her pajamas, careful not to shake her, then tucked her into her crib. I sat on my bed and considered what to do next.

I should eat dinner, but I wasn't really hungry. I was too jumpy to read or listen to music. I settled for cleaning up my room a little bit, giving Jayme her own section in my closet. That job was done quickly. I could call someone. Emily maybe…I didn't really feel like talking to Emily right now. I knew who I _should _talk to. I glanced at the phone in my room. My mom had given me my own phone line for my birthday when I was thirteen because I talked on the phone so much. I reached for the phone, and started dialing the Blacks' number, but remembered that Jake said he was going to sleep at the Cullen's tonight. I sighed, and dropped the phone. A light bulb went off in my head, if I couldn't talk to Jacob, I would talk to the next best thing, his sister. I dialed Rachel's number, and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey Rach, it's me, Leah," I said. There was a long pause.

"I was just about to call you. I wanted to ask you something," she said, her voice strained with something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Well, what did you want to ask?" I said, excited now too. It had been a while since I had really talked with a friend on the phone. She grumbled something that sounded like 'Go away, Paul,' then she giggled. I waited impatiently for her answer, bouncing up and down on the mattress making the springs squeak and groan. I stopped and looked at Jayme. She was still fast asleep.

"Why didn't you tell me I was an aunt!" Rachel said loudly. Her tone implied she was not happy with me.

**I'm thinking of making the next chapter half Leah and half Jacob. I'll give it a shot, and see how it goes. Tell me what you think!!**


	8. Chapter 7: So Confused

I can't honestly tell you what got into me at that moment, because really, I don't know. When I walked in the room and saw Leah sitting there, that was enough to knock the wind out of me. But when the prettiest baby I've ever seen ran up to Leah, and squealed 'Momma!'…I don't know, I guess I was just so shocked…that I kind of freaked out. I got a huge knot in my stomach, my throat tightened up, and I started to sweat for reasons I can't even begin to explain. I don't know why it happened, it just sorta…did.

Maybe it was because we all thought that Leah couldn't get pregnant…I knew in my gut that this wasn't the reason I was totally freaking out. I couldn't talk for a long time, when I finally stuttered out a full question, like; I don't know…um…who is she? Leah seemed totally confident and relaxed as she looked at the baby girl and said 'My daughter Jayme'. As soon as she said that, the room started spinning. I staggered to a spot by the window, resting the back of my neck on the glass. I felt like I was going to puke.

At the moment, all my other problems faded away, Nessie's bad health, the fight between me and Bella, my dad needing surgery…all of it just disappeared in my mind, and the only thing I could think about was the little girl that Leah had in her lap.

I had to admit, Leah looked better. A lot better. She seemed happier, and she treated everyone like a friend rather than an enemy. The bitch that she used to be had seemed to fade away with her wolf self. But that couldn't be all of it. Leah was so broken, even before she changed. Could just not being a wolf have this huge effect on her? I lifted my head slightly to the toddler in her arms, and that answered all my questions. This little girl must have helped her…a lot. It was just hard imagining Leah as a mother.

The conversation slowly came back, but I didn't really know what it was about. Everyone's voices seemed to just be a buzzing in my ear, like an annoying mosquito that you just couldn't get the right swat at. I was grateful when Leah said that it was time to go. I had planned to spring up and leave the second I got the chance, but I couldn't make my muscles work right. Whenever I tried, I would just fidget. I was vaguely aware of everyone filing out. My sister caught my eye for a few seconds, her concerned look at my face, then shook her head and pulled Paul out the door with her. Leah offered to drive me home. I declined in a dull voice, very monotone and foreign to me. What was wrong with me?

For the first time in half an hour, I resensitized myself, and looked at Embry who was staring at Leah. Or Jayme. Either one. There were logical explanations for both. One, he could have been staring at Leah, but he obviously wasn't looking at her face…just a bit lower. I wouldn't be surprised if he was looking at…ahem…something _else…_ if you know what I mean. Or he could've been staring at Jayme, and we could've had to deal with yet _another_ imprint. Either one could've sparked the sudden light in his eyes. I was just about to pull him aside and get some answers when he trailed behind Leah out the door like a loyal puppy- no pun intended. I slumped back onto the floor, and just waited for something to come along that was worthy of my attention. It could have been minutes or hours, but soon enough, Emily, who had been a great support through the rough past few months, distracted me from my distraction.

"Jake, are you planning on sleeping over…because if you are, I can get you stuff to sleep on the couch," she offered. I shook my head. She smiled. She was going to work her magic and make me pour my heart soul and guts out to her. Emily was just that kind of person that you could tell stuff to.

"Great news that Leah's back right? And isn't Jayme just the cutest little thing?" she was doing it. I knew she would.

"Yeah, I'm just thrilled to see her again. I can't believe it. Whoop-dee-doo," I said, my voice flat.

"Jake, I know you love her, but she's got a baby now, and unless you're willing to handle that, then it just won't work out." Emily, though a loyal friend, was also willing to tell you exactly what you didn't want to hear. She was willing to tell you the truth.

"I don't love her," I protested, though my defense was weak. I loved Leah. Past tense. I used to love her. But then she left. I focused on Nessie, and all the issues I was having there, and that distracted me from the pain of Leah's abrupt disappearance the day Sam and I said that we were going to fight the Italian bloodsuckers. I didn't love her anymore. At least I thought I didn't, that's what I tried to convince myself. But being in love with her might explain the pang of sadness that washed over me when that baby shrieked 'momma!' at Leah. Because to have a baby, there needs to be a father. And that person wasn't me.

"Jake," Emily raised her eyebrow at me. "It's time to move on. She has. You can too. You're strong enough Jacob. I know you are. You've done it once, you can do it again," she said. She actually thought she was helping as I stood up to leave.

"I'll see you later, Emily," I said, walking out the door. I wanted to go to the Cullen's one more time before I headed home to check on my father. I didn't bother phasing as I raced over to the Cullen's perfect white house. Bella and Edward understood, to some point.

That's what the fight was about. Bella thought that I was claiming her daughter as my own, which technically happened the second I imprinted on her.The fact that Nessie was becoming weaker and weaker with each passing day, for no apparent reason that Carlisle could figure out wasn't helping much. They spent every waking moment with her, so I could never talk to her alone. She finally looked around my age, so it wasn't weird for us to be seen in public anymore. She was mentally my age too, but it kind of scared me. I thought maybe that's why she's dying. Her life was going full speed ahead, flashing before all of our eyes before we could even get the chance to fully grasp what was going on. I tried to think about something else as I approached the house, not trying to give Edward another reason to hate me, but it was hard. The only other thing I really could think about was Leah and her baby, but it hurt too much to really think about it.

Without thinking, I entered the house without knocking, and instantly cursed myself the instant I realized what I was doing. I wasn't really supposed to do that anymore. I received many hisses, growls, and glares as I entered without invitation. I muttered a quick apology, and then hurried upstairs to the fluttering heartbeat that was my Nessie. I walked into the room. Nessie was asleep, Edward and Bella faithfully by her side eyes glued to her face.

"I don't believe you received an invitation, Jacob ," Bella hissed acidly as I entered the room. She wasn't looking at me, but at the monitor recording Nessie's more frantic than usual heartbeats.

"I didn't think I needed one, seeing as though I'm pretty much a part of your family now," I say, my eyes not leaving Nessie's face. "Enough with the you and me…how is she?" I asked, but Bella doesn't need to respond. I know her too well, and her expression says it all. "Not good," I mutter to myself. They both hiss at the same time. They've got that one synchronized.

"Look, you know I care about her just as much as you do. Is there anything we can do?" I ask, noticing the hysteria rising in my throat. I was so desperate for Nessie to be alright. I just needed to know that before I could face all the other things that were wrong with my life.

"Jacob?" Nessie says sleepily, her eyelids fluttering open. I rush over and hold her hand.

"I'm here, Ness. How are you?" She nods, but doesn't smile. I know what that means. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I wish I could make it stop."

"I know," she replies softly, unable to speak any louder. "I just don't want everyone worried about me. Especially you, Jacob. Stop worrying about me. I'll be fine." But I catch the hitch in her voice when she says that. She can't be so sure.

_Leah's POV_

I didn't speak. I couldn't. The line was silent as Rachel waited for me to respond, but I don't know if that's possible.

"Leah, are you there?" Rachel asks, her voice nervous. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything…Leah?" I clear my throat, trying to manage a full sentence.

"Yeah, it's all right," I say, stuttering a few times.

"He doesn't know, does he?" she asked, more serious now. I nodded until I realized that she couldn't see me.

"No," I choked. "But don't tell him, okay! I have to do that, and it's not fair to him if he finds out through you," I sputtered.

"Sure, Leah, but I also don't think it's fair if you drag this out too long. He's too young, and he doesn't know he's a father. He's going to find out at some point, and it's only fair if he finds out through you than through somebody else. No offense, but Seth isn't the best at keeping secrets." I wanted to protest, but I knew she was right. Jacob had to find out and it had to be sooner rather than later.

"Rachel, I'm going to go to bed," I said, hoping I sounded convincing.

"Leah, before you do, promise me something," she said. I hesitated.

"Maybe, what am I agreeing to?"

"That you'll tell him soon. I'm your friend, Lee, but he's my baby brother." And then the line went dead.

**Sorry that it's been so long!!! I was in the middle of writing, but I went on a vacation to Paris, and didn't have access to a computer. But, I hope you like, keep reading! **

**Sorry for the Jake/Nessie stuff. It was really painful to write, honestly, but it's essential to the story, and I hope you don't hate me too much. **

**Did you like Jake's point of view? I'm pretty proud of it myself!**


	9. Chapter 8

"Momma! Momma! Momma!" Jayme sang as she skipped into the room. Seth had been entertaining her all day, so god knows what she had been up to. I turned around and looked up from the magazine I was reading to see Jayme with the most adorable smile on her face, chocolate staining her new pink jumper, her nose, cheeks, and chin. Any other mother would have been furious at the sight of this. All I could do was laugh. I stood up from the couch and crouched down in front of her.

"JayJay," I said, an echo of a stern tone coating my voice. She giggled hysterically. "Honey, what did you and Uncle Seth do today?" I asked, she started laughing again, the laugh that was so infectious you couldn't help but join in.

"We made ice cream sundaes!" she squealed, bursting into another fit of hysterics. I laughed right along.

"I can see that," I said, tracing a line across her cheek and tasting the chocolate that was left on my finger. This sent her into a sugar-induced laughing fit. I'd have to tell Seth to ease up on the high-sugar foods. "Okay, silly girl, lets go get you changed before grandma comes home." She jumped into her place in my arms, and I carried her upstairs to our room.

After struggling to get a restless Jayme into a clean pair of overalls, I let her run back downstairs, and I headed to tell Seth to lay off on the junk. When I was downstairs, I came down to Jayme and Seth in the kitchen. Seth was rummaging through the cabinets, possibly looking for more sugar-filled foods, until he heard my approach. When I was at the doorway, he turned around, chocolate forming a ring around his guilty fake-smile. I stared for a second, then burst out uncontrollably laughing, tears coming to my eyes. It was hard to remember the last time I had laughed this hard. Seth wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, the slight blush of embarassment made his copper skin look blotchy. I shook my head, and walked closer to both of them. I lifted Jayme, and pulled them both in for a hug.

"Looks like I have to kids to take care of," I said, mostly to Seth, who laughed. Jayme, whose eyes were wide with confusion, laughed anyway, just for the sake of laughing. "Okay you two, enough with the junk food, okay? It seems like both of you are slightly sugar high," I commented. Seth shrugged innocently, while Jayme shreiked with delighted laughter. She probably didn't even know what I was talking about.

"Lee, I have to go run patrol with Quil. I was actually supposed to be there five minutes ago," he admitted, looking sadly down at Jayme. I sighed in fake frustration.

"Fine, I'll clean up," I said smugly. "Jayme, time to say goodbye to Uncle Seth, okay?" I looked at her. She crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head, then tried to struggle out of my grasp to go to Seth. Seth smiled brilliantly. That smile warmed my heart-I was nearly moved to tears-nearly.

It took a while, but with a promise that they could play more tommorow, Jayme finally let go of Seth's leg, and let him leave. She pouted as she watched him walk down the block, then turned to me. Before her depressed look sent me to tears, I had to make a move.

"Hey sweetie, how about we go to the beach, won't that be fun?" She shrugged, but it was obvious that she was instantly in a better mood.

First Beach was always beautiful this time of year. The skies were a clear, pale, blue, with a few fluffy white clouds that reminded me of cotton balls. The sun shone brightly down on the clean white sand, which was soft, and almost the consistency of flour. The transparent blue waves rippled across the sea in the distance, while they foamed white as they crashed on the shore. Jayme kicked off her sparkly purple flip-flops as soon as we got there, and ran to play in the waves. I sat on the shore, and closed my eyes and let the sun warm my face, Jayme's excited giggles my clue to know she was there. Jayme splashed and played in the water alone for what might have been half an hour, until her giggles abruptly cut off. The silence screamed at my maternal instincts, but I couldn't make myself open my eyes. I was too scared of what I would see. The silence was still echoing off every corner of my mind, the only sounds were the sea birds squawking and the waves crashing. I slowly let my eyelids flutter open, to see Jayme, head tilted all the way back, looking into the face of Jacob Black.

Jacob's POV

First Beach had always been my escape. Whenever things went wrong, this is where I came to relax. The sound of the waves breaking over the shore always seemed to be successful in clearing my crowded mind. First Beach was great. All I had to concentrate on was the sand beneath me, the vast, open sky above me, and the sunshine warming my face. The peace and quiet I always found here was unbeatable to any other place in the world. It was totally silent except for the soothing sounds of the ocean, and I was almost asleep when I heard the squeal of laughter that I couldn't get out of my head all week. It took me half a second to place the sound, and another half a second to register what the sound meant. I instantly sat up, and my eyelids flashed open. I looked to my left, where the sound was coming from.

There was the little girl that I had been thinking about since Emily's house last week. Her mother wasn't too far down the shore. I sat up, blinking my adjusting eyes, but I knew this was no mistake. The shrill shreik of hysterics was totally one-of-a-kind. As my eyes focused, I zeroed in on the little girl skipping through the waves. Her shiny pigtails bounced as she danced across the shore, her overalls were soaked from the knee down. Without really thinking through what I was doing, I stood up and ran over to where the little girl was playing. She rammed straight into my knees-she almost fell over. Stumbling she looked up at me and her distinct giggling cut off immediately. It took a few moments, but Leah's head snapped up, and her eyes narrowed as she saw me standing over her daughter. She stood up, and sped over to us both, snatching up the little girl in her arms, oh so protectively. I noticed how slow her actions seemed to me. If Leah hadn't phased in a while, then it must have meant that she lost some of her wolf-speed, though she moved just a little too fast than what was safe for us. I scanned the shore. No one else was here.

"Hello, Jacob," Leah said, her voice higher than usual with what seemed like nerves. It seemed odd that Leah called me Jacob, instead of Jake, but I ignored it, and grunted a greeting back at her, unable to move my stare from the little girl on Leah's hip. When Leah followed my gaze, she casually positioned the little girl so that my view was obstructed.

"Subtle," I muttered sarcastically. Leah smirked, though her sarcasm was somehow weakened. It was hard to tell if the beads of sweat that covered her forehead were from the nerve I suspected before, or the sun shining just behind her.

"Nice to meet you again…" I blanked on the little girl's name, though she had been the center of my thoughts for seven whole days. Leah gave me a searing glare.

"Jayme," she filled in acidly. This was the meanest I'd seen her since she'd returned from god-knows-where.

"Right," I said, trying to sound like I was indifferent to who the little girl was, but failing majorly. There was an awkward silence. No one spoke, there didn't seem to be any words to say. The little girl in Leah's arms buried her face in her mother's hair, her side-glances making me strangely self-concious. It shouldn't matter what this insignifigant toddler thought of me…but it did. For some strange reason, it mattered. It mattered a lot. I wanted to know how she reacted to me, and why she felt that way. She laid her head against Leah's chest, and stared at me openly. I saw a ghost of fear on Jayme's face, but her eyes screamed curiosity as she registered who I was.

"Who is that?" I heard her whisper in Leah's ear. Leah glared at me, but a quick lash of pain crossed her face, as if denying her daughter of anything physically hurt her.

"That's Jacob," Leah said through her teeth. I had no idea why she was acting this way towards me. Last time I checked, we were supposed to be friends. Leah set Jayme on her feet. The little girl walked slowly forward, her expression strangely controlled for her age. Both Leah's and my eyes were glued to her; Leah's out of protectiveness, mine out of anticipation. For some reason, this little girl seemed to mean the world to me, though I had known her for less than five minutes.

I looked up at Leah, and she seemed to be in agony watching Jayme step in such close proximity to me.

It seemed as if I was towering over her, my shadow enveloped her tiny body. The little girl smiled up at me, and raised her arms to me. I had seen this in so many movies. Without thinking, I scooped Jayme into my arms, and as I did I heard Leah's low, rumbling, terrifying snarl escape her lips. But I could hardly concentrate on Leah. For some reason, it felt like this little girl was the most important thing. It felt like she was the only thing. She flashed me a incredible smile, and I felt the corners of my mouth tug up instinctively as I stared at the toddler in my arms.


	10. Chapter 9: My New Best Friend & Jealousy

So many things raced through my mind as I watched Jake gaze at my...at his...at our...daughter. He was under her spell. She cast him in, just as she cast my mother, Seth, Emily, Sam, Embry, Quil, Jared, Paul, Rachel, Kim, Collin, Brady...everyone I knew. Everyone I loved. But this was different.

This was much, much, different.

I was happy that they liked each other, though it was impossible to not like either of them. I was sad that this meant that telling him that the girl he was holding was his daughter was coming so soon. I was angry that I had let this happen, that Jake just had to be here. I was pained at the impossible task of the thought that Jake and I must somehow raise this baby together. And there was another emotion I could not place...it was the strongest of anything I had ever felt. It was a passionate feeling; angry, but a soft longing as well. I couldn't think of any emotion that matched the way I was feeling at that moment.

Jayme was soon bored with just staring at him, and begged him to set her on her feet. He did what she said as soon as the words came out. He was her slave, just like everyone else. Jayme then asked him if he would play with her. He dragged his gaze from her, and set his eyes on me.

"Jayme, I have to talk to your momma for a little while, but maybe next time, okay?" she shrugged, and giggled as she ran back to the waters of First Beach. He then strolled over and stood next to me. I had only realized then how much taller he was than me. He stood at least a head over me, and I was six foot four.

"Hey, Jake," I said quietly, sitting down on the powdery sand. He sat down next to me. He didn't bother greeting me. I was a little offended at first, but realized that he already had tried that, and I had lashed out with a nasty response. He had learned that with me, it was better not to push things. It was strange knowing how much I had changed since Jayme came into my life.

"She's amazing, you know. So beautiful. She's just like you, too." I was shocked at how he said this. Jayme was the opposite of me. She was sweet, loving, intelligent; wise...she was everything I wasn't.

"I guess she is pretty great," I said quickly.

"She looks a lot like you," he pointed out. I tensed, and worked to relax my position.

"She looks more like her father, I think," I said, barely mouthing the words as they came out, and I wondered if he actually heard me. If he did, he didn't respond. His eyebrows were shoved together, and his lips pressed together in a thin line. This was his deep-in-thought face. I scanned his body, and no part of him seemed to be twitching or shaking. If he was angry, he was doing a good job of hiding it.

"It's good to have you back, Lee," he said, surprising me with the nickname. "I think everyone was going insane without you here. We all need someone to kick us in the butt and snap us back into reality now and again. You were that person. Not many butts have been kicked lately. We were all just in our own little worlds. Then you show up, and reality strikes again." I gave him a confused expression. I wasn't sure if he meant to compliment or insult me just then.

"Thanks…I think. Really, Jake. It's nice to get a compliment every now and again…from someone besides my daughter, who practically worships the ground I walk on," I said, laughing once. I would have laughed harder if it weren't really true.

"I really mean it, Leah. I needed someone to kick my ass, so thanks." He grinned softly. I returned it.

"I seem to have that kind of effect on people," I said sarcastically, and began to laugh, but Jacob didn't join in. He wasn't trying to joke around with me. He wanted a serious conversation, which was rare…for Jake.

It could have been hours, or days, or minutes, or seconds…I wouldn't have noticed. Jake and I sat there on the beach talking for god-knows how long. We talked about what we'd done, where we'd been, who we'd met, and what was really just going on. But as honest as I was being with him, until I really told him who the little girl playing in the shallow waters was, I was lying to him. Everything I said, did, and felt revolved around the secret I was keeping. If my mother figured it out, Rachel figured it out…it would just be a matter of time before everyone found out. And Jacob wasn't stupid. He'd figure it out soon enough.

"I think you better get her home," Jake said, motioning towards the little girl who was asleep in my lap. I finally looked away from him. I hadn't really noticed that the sun had set. I nodded, and got to my feet, Jayme in my arms.

"Can I drive you home?" he asked. I hesitated, then handed him the keys. Oh well, if I was going to tell him, we might as well be friends when I did. I got into the passenger seat and cradled Jayme across my lap. It was silent except for Jayme's slow, even breathing as Jake pulled out of the lot. I stared at my hands, telling myself to stop being afraid and say it. Just blurt it out. Just let him know before it was too late…but I couldn't do it. I didn't know why. We had just had this long conversation; I shared everything, poured my heart out to him, and yet I couldn't tell him this. I was going to do this.

"Jacob?" I asked quietly, but I knew he could hear me. Thank God. I don't think I had the strength to talk any louder than a murmur. He turned his head, and looked at me.

"Yeah?" he asked. It was an innocent question. What do you want? What is it? I took a deep breath, and started again.

"Jacob…" I paused; he gave me a funny look. "Do you need to drive home first?"

_Dammit Leah! _

He rolled his eyes.

"No, actually I was thinking I'd go over to the Cullens, check on Nessie, you know…" I nodded. Jake had told me about Renesmee, his imprint. How she wasn't doing well. How he was afraid that she wouldn't make it. How he would survive without her. It was all really corny, in my opinion, but I could see that he was really hurting. So I didn't laugh. I didn't tell him to just get over it. I stayed quiet and listened. Because that was really what he needed. He needed somebody to talk to. Who would listen to him without criticizing. Someone who was a friend, but would really just give him some space. I could give him that, I realized. I vowed to myself. I would be Jake's best friend. Maybe he wouldn't realize it, but I would be the best friend that's there when he needs me. I knew he wouldn't realize it, but I'd be Jake's best friend.

When we got to the side of the road wehre my house was, he parked. I didn't get out of the car, or make any move to. Jake didn't do anything either. We just sat there in a comfortable silence.

"Thanks, Jake," I said.

"Thanks, Leah," he said at the same moment. I smiled and shrugged. "I just needed someone to do that for me. To listen. To not criticize my every word. It's nice to have a friend like that." I nodded. I already knew that. At that moment, I knew Jake better than almost anyone else.

Jake stared at Jayme in my arms for a moment, and as I looked at his face, I realized what the unidentified feeling that had flowed through me was. It was jealousy. The way that Jayme had looked at him…she hadn't even looked at me like that before. That surge of envy that had burst through my veins, and radiated every corner of my body…it was sudden, and just as powerful as it had been before.

Jayme was smart. She knew that she had met her father before she really _knew _she knew him. She would figure it out at some point. So would Jake. I needed to tell both of them before they could.


	11. Chapter 10: If I'll Ever Be Able To Say

I guess it was nice to have Leah on my side again. As much as I didn't want to admit it, she was a good friend. And what I said was true. Sometimes I do need a good kick in the ass.

There was something about Jayme. Something that just drew me to her. I couldn't help it, or control it. I just was so…_protective_…of her when she was around. As I stared into her brown eyes, it was like I never wanted to look away; I wanted to be a part of her life. I wanted to be something to her. But that couldn't happen.

I tried to focus more once I ran towards the Cullen's house. Nessie required my full attention. That was all I could give her now that she was dying. It was so painful to watch, but I just couldn't leave her alone. She was everything to me. She is my other half. Without her, I'm nothing. And it's all happening all over again. It's like I'm getting whipped. Each lash stings more than the last.

This time, I remember to ring the doorbell. I hold it down. I hear a heartbeat spike as some murmuring sounds. No one answers the door. I try again. Nothing.

"Look, I know you're mad at me, but if you don't answer the door, I'm just coming in anyway." Nothing, nothing, and more nothing. I was just about to hit the door bell one more time when Emmett answers the door.

"Hey, Jake," he says. Even he, who really has nothing to do with Nessie except that he's her uncle, looks worn out. Tired, sick with worry. I bet I looked worse.

"Nobody else would answer the door, huh?" I ask, kind of a joke, but really not. He smiles a quick smile, but it fades in seconds. This is how they all were. Like they didn't have enough happy energy to use even for a few minutes. Even Emmett, who over the past few months has started to become my friend, Emmett, the joker, couldn't even work up a laugh. It was painful. The whole atmosphere of the home was just depressing. And I couldn't help but be a part of it.

Emmett opens the door, and motions for me to come in. I give him a nod that says 'thanks' and sprint up the stairs. I open the door to where Nessie is staying. Ten pairs of eyes look up at me. Only one of them matters. I didn't even bother examining who was there. I just went straight to Nessie. I didn't have time for anyone else. She didn't have time for anyone else.

I take her hands in mine. They are freezing to my touch. Nessie is never cold. The blood is flushed out of her cheeks, and bags take up the space under her eyes. I try not to cry as she smiles weakly at me, and I imagine it takes all of her energy to do so. She lets the corners of her mouth fall slack again, and she slumps down on the bed. I want to cry. I really do. I never cry. Not even as a kid did I ever cry. Okay, I have cried. I cried when my mom passed. I cried when I became a wolf. I've cried over Bella. Okay, I do cry. I cry a lot. But just because I do, doesn't mean I like it. But I don't cry with this many people around. Bella is the only one who's ever seen me cry…and apparently, she's not even my friend anymore.

Nessie opens her mouth as if to say something, but she's too weak for anything that sounds like words to come out. A frustrated frown crosses her face.

Instead, she just squeezes my hand. I squeeze her hand back. I don't think I could speak even if I tried. I don't think I could speak even if I'd wanted to.

"Mom…I'd like…to s-speak….to…J-J-J-J…" she struggles. I look at the ceiling, hoping the tears will fall back into my head. She couldn't even say my name. She lets out a struggled sob. She hated the way she was. Even if she didn't she hated that I had to see her like this. "…alone…" she finishes without even trying to finish my name. Bella hisses at me, but leaves, Edward, Carlisle, and Blondie right behind her. They'd really give her anything she wants.

"I'm s-s-s-so s-s-s-s-s-sorry…" she blubbers; I sit next to her on the bed, and pull her into my lap. The tears sting on my bare shoulder. Each tear screams 'do something! Do something! Do something, you idiot!' But as I look at her, I realize there is nothing I can do to help her. Nothing I can do to save her. And that was what hurt the most.

If Carlisle didn't find what was wrong, she would die. She was wasting away fast, and I just wasn't ready to let her go. It wasn't her time to leave the world. Something so beautiful…it would be a crime on Mother Nature's part if Nessie were to go. A crime that I couldn't blame somebody for. There would be nobody to punish. Nobody to be taken out. There was no killer. And that would mean that I would have to blame myself. I wouldn't be able to live without her. If she were to go, I was going with her. We'd find each other, wherever we were. We were meant to be. Even if the time that we would spend would be in heaven. Hell, I wouldn't care if we both went to hell. As long as we were together.

"I love you Ness," I murmur, and she looks up. I brush the tears away. That's all I can do for now. Nessie bites her lip, and leans in. She kisses me lightly on the mouth. I hear her heartbeat flutter even faster. She pulls away, and looks down. If she had the blood to do it, she would have blushed that beautiful pink. But she didn't. Little bits and pieces of her were slipping away. Faster than I had the chance to really say goodbye. And soon, she would be gone too. Before I could really say goodbye.

"I love you J-J-J-J-J-J…" And then she starts crying even harder. So do I. Both of us cry, and cry, and cry. I didn't know if I was ever going to be able to stop. I didn't know if I was ever going to be able to let her go. I didn't know if I would ever really be able to say goodbye.

**Sorry for the short chapters, but this is kind of where each of them need to end. So many of you have been asking for an update about Nessie, so here you go. I actually kind of like this, and I'm kind of starting to like Nessie. **

**I just had an idea!! Maybe once I'm done with this, I'll do some of the story in Nessie's point of view! What do you think about that???**

**Please keep commenting, you guys are the absolute bestest!!**


	12. Chapter 11: Almost Anything

I knew I needed to go home. I needed to check on my dad. But it was almost physical pain as I walked through the door away from the house. It seemed like it was the worst thing I could ever do, leaving her the way she was, but Nessie was understanding, and she eventually told me to leave. She didn't want me to go, but I just couldn't resist not doing what she asked. If anything went wrong, I was just a phone-call away, she had told me. (Ness had begged Edward to get me a cell phone so I could always talk to her no matter where I was) It was a pain to carry around though, with me phasing and everything, so I mostly left it shut off at home.

I didn't bother phasing as I ran back towards La Push, but I knew I wasn't in the emotional state to go home to my father. So I ran to -where else?- First Beach. I was too restless to sit in the sand, so I stood knee deep in the water.

A storm was coming in, I could see the dark purple clouds on the horizon. The tide was strong...for normal people. It just felt like a gust of a gentle breeze to me. For a moment, I almost wished that I wasn't strong, that the tide could just take me to my death. That would be easier than facing the torture that my life was becoming. But I couldn't do that. I just couldn't. There were so many people that were depending on me right now.

The anger, the sadness, the jealousy, the pain, the envy, and every emotion that I had ever felt over the past few months boiled to the surface. It felt like I was going to explode, and because of the emotional overload, I couldn't phase. My body twitched, begging for the release, but it didn't come. I didn't want to phase right now. I screamed. I screamed out of pure emotion.

To tell the truth, it felt good. To just let the mask that had been keeping me together for too long just break. To let the tears that I had been holding back for so long just stream down my face. And to make myself as vulnerable as I ever had been. There was nothing there to hold me from keeping my cool now. I finally sat further up the beach, put my head in my hands and just cried, it felt like my legs didn't have the strength to hold me up anymore.

LPOV

"I'm going over to see Billy today, do you want to come?" my mom asked. I hesitated. Jacob had said that Billy wasn't doing well, that he was really sick, and for that reason I did kind of want to see him. But...it was Billy. As in Jacob's father. As in technically, Jayme's grandfather. And what if Billy saw in Jayme what Rachel had saw so fast? I shuddered.

"Sure," I said before I could stop it. I got Jayme dressed and got into the car. I shut the door, but my mom didn't start the car.

"Mom?" I asked. She looked at me with tired eyes.

"Billy told me that you've been talking to Jacob," she said. She hadn't really said it, but she might as well have shouted it at me.

"I'm working on it," I murmured. She nodded. There was a long pause. "Wait! Did you tell him?" I asked, my voice shooting up a few octaves in panic.

"No, sweetie. I promised you I wouldn't."

"Okay," I whispered, embarrassed. The rest of the car ride to the Blacks' house was silent. Jayme was used to the conversations where she didn't understand anything, and she just played with my hair and didn't ask any questions. I was grateful, for I didn't think I could put it in words that a 2 ½ year old would understand.

When we finally reached the little red house, I nervously got out of the car. It felt like my legs were shaking so bad, I would collapse. Jayme climbed onto my back, and I started walking up the path to the front porch. My mom searched her pockets and pulled out a key, stuck it in the hole, and opened the door.

My mom walked over to the couch, where Billy was lying, extremely sick-looking. He seemed much thinner, his wrinkled cheeks were paler, and it seemed as if he could barely move as he recognized that my mother was here. I didn't know what to do, so I stood awkwardly in the corner.

"Hello, Sue," he said as she knelt down beside the couch.

"Billy, how are you feeling?" she asked. Billy was one of my mom's closest friends. She looked extremely scared.

"Same as always, sick, weak, tired..." he trailed off, and his eyes wandered to me in the corner.

"Leah? Is that you?" he asked. I gave him a closed-mouth smile.

"Hey, Billy," I said.

"I haven't seen you in ages, come here," he said. I nervously walked closer, extremely aware of the toddler on my back. As I walked closer, Billy was too.

"Leah, you look great," he said, smiling slightly.

"Uh, can't say the same for you," I said.

"Well, an old man in a wheel chair was bound to get to this point soon enough," he laughed breathily. "If you don't mind me asking, who is this?"

"Um," I said, taking Jayme off my back. "This is my daughter, Jayme." For some reason, Billy didn't look shocked at all. That scared me a little.

"Jayme, this is Billy, Jacob's father," I said nervously, as Jayme's face lit up at the sound of Jacob's name.

We spent a while at Billy's just talking. I tried to ignore the fact that the man who had practically been a second father to me was lying on the couch, fighting for life. He did a pretty good job of hiding it, which made it easier to forget, but it was obvious when he moved, he would wince. Other than that, we talked comfortably for hours, and Billy, just like everyone else was under Jayme's magic spell.

We all turned when we heard the door open. It was Jacob. He looked horrible. Eyes bloodshot, posture slouched, expression pained.

He greeted us with a grunt, and started up the stairs to his room.

"Actually, Jake, can I talk to you alone for a moment?" I asked. He shrugged, and followed me out the back door and into the woods behind his house.

"Hey," I said, scrutinizing his agony-filled face. He nodded in response, seemingly unable to speak.

"She's worse, isn't she?" I asked quietly, speaking of Renesmee. He nodded again, his eyes closing tightly as he winced.

"Do they know what's wrong?" I asked.

"No," he said gravely. "And if they don't find out soon..." I saw a tear roll down his cheek. I put my hand to his face, wiping the tear away.

"Oh, Jake," I said, and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. I felt his arms circle my shoulders. He pulled away and tried to casually wipe away his tears.

"Jake, I'm here for you, okay?" I said. "No matter what. I'll go with you to the Cullen's if you want to, and..."

"Leah...you don't have to do that for me," he said quietly.

"Jake, but I do have to. We're friends, and friends will do anything for each other, okay?" He nodded.

"Okay," he said, smiling slightly. "Friends. We can tell each other everything, right?" I froze, but quickly pulled myself together, and nodded.

"Right, of course!" I said with maybe just a little too much enthusiasm. He smiled, and walked away. Jacob was my friend. I could tell him anything. Well..._almost_ anything.

**And there you go! I've got big plans for this story, so keep reviewing!!!! Thank you so much for the love on ALL my stories, it's really nice to know that you guys are enjoying them. Alright, some questions...**

**Do you want Nessie to live or die? Why?**

**Should Bella, Edward, and the rest of the Cullens still dislike Jake?**

**Should Leah be friends with the Cullens, or not?**

**Suggestions???**

**Absoloutely luv you guys!!!**


	13. Chapter 12: The Way You Were Before

After that conversation with Jake, he seemed to be around a lot more. Over the next week, he came over to the house everyday for at least an hour. And the more he came, the more Jayme was starting to fall in love with him.

_This is good, _I would tell myself. _The more they like each other, the better. He has to love her if he's her father right? _Wrong. As I thought about it, Jake didn't technically have to stay around with her. If he couldn't handle it, he definitely had the right to stay out of her life. It would be hard on Jayme though. He was already in too deep.

_As I thought about this, the phone rang._

_"Hello?"_

_"Lee, I'm glad it's you who picked up," Emily said, her voice cheerful for some reason._

_"Okay, Em. What's up?"_

_"I actually wanted to see if you wanted to come to a pack bonfire party at the beach tonight? There's going to be food, and talking, and music. It's sure to be a lot of fun! You can bring Jayme, too. Nicole and Derrick are going to be there, and Claire too. Come on, Lee, please come," she begged._

_"Sure, why not? I haven't really been socializing with you guys for a while, so sure. I'll be there."_

_"Yay!" she squealed. "I'll see you at 5:30, okay?" and then she hung up._

"Where are we going, Momma?" Jayme asked as I strapped her into her car seat. I smiled down at her.

"We're going to the beach. All our friends are going to be there. Aunt Emily, Uncle Seth, Sam, Jacob, Quil, Embry, Jared, Paul, Rachel, Kim, Brady, Collin, Derrick, Nicole, and Claire..."

"Okay, let's go!" Jayme cheered, suddenly enthusiastic. Her sudden excitement could have been from any of those assortment of names. Some I was glad, some frightened me a little.

I realized we were the last to arrive as we pulled into the parking lot. I got out of the car, then walked around to get Jayme from her car seat.

"Hey, Leah's here!" somebody shouted when I had my back turned. When I looked up, Embry was jogging toward me. He smiled, but he wasn't looking at me. That's when I finally understood. This is what had Seth all worked up last week. My smile quickly turned into a frown, and I put Jayme on the other hip.

"No. Way." I said through my teeth. I let out a growl, something I hadn't done in years. He frowned at my anger, and backed up two involuntary paces.

"Leah..." he said. I just gave Jayme to Emily, and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him away. The pack didn't seem surprised. Paul actually seemed kind of amused.

"Leah..." he said again, taking a defensive stance, ready to phase if necessary. But I wouldn't let myself do that. Not in front of my daughter, at least.

"Oh, save it for somebody who's willing to put up with your crap, Embry," I hissed. "How dare you? You are not going near her!"

"Leah, you know I can't do that. I _imprinted _on her for God's sake. It's been killing me all week being away from her, but I put up with it because I knew exactly this would happen."

"So _they _knew that you imprinted on _my _daughter before _I _did!" I screeched. I was being irrational and unfair, I knew, but when something like this happened, my motherly instincts kicked in, and there was no stopping them once they started.

"Leah, I wouldn't have told them if I'd had the choice, but the pack mind kind of makes it hard to keep anything a secret." He didn't have to explain these things to me. He knew that. I knew that. But by lecturing me on this, I felt like I was a fourth grader learning how to multiply fractions.

I exhaled, and stormed away. My defense was gone, and I couldn't help anything this was all out of my control. So, Embry imprinted on my daughter. Someday, he'd be my son-in-law (God, things are screwed up around here) What was even weirder, was that Jake's best friend would be his son-in-law. No wonder we were all so emotionally messed up! Imprinting ruins everything.

I decided to forget about that as I approached the rest of the pack. All of them, from Brady to Jacob knew what was going on. They knew I was totally pissed off. They knew that I'd hate Embry forever for this. Well, they assumed. And mostly, they assumed right. At least now I had a free babysitter.

Okay I'll admit, the party was pretty fun. We sat around, listening to some old music, barbecuing up burgers and hot dogs, roasting marshmallows in the bonfire, and talking. There was a long pause.

"Me and Emily have an announcement to make," Sam said suddenly. Oh, God. She was pregnant again, wasn't she. My return with a cuter child made her want to try again. Or it was something else totally irrelevant, and I was blowing this totally out of proportion.

"So, as you all know, Sam and I are getting married in a few months," Emily said, her voice all gooey and lovey dovey. And dammit, I had forgotten all about the wedding. I didn't know how I felt about it still. "And we were talking about who we would want to be in our wedding party." The exchanged an anticipating smile.

"We love all of you, and you all are going to be a part of it, but we did have to choose a best man and a maid of honor," Sam said, looking at Emily's face. "I had a really hard time deciding this, I really did, but I'd like Jacob to be my best man."

"And while Sam was fighting a battle internally, I had no problem at all," she said confidently. "Leah, will you be my maid of honor?"

"Wha-?" I said, looking up, I hadn't really been paying much attention. Emily frowned, and her eyes narrowed.

"Will you be my maid of honor, Leah?" she said, enunciating each word like she did when she spoke to her kids. I gasped, and my mouth fell open in shock. Was she serious? Did she really expect me to stand there right behind her while my ex-boyfriend vowed himself to her for life? I didn't even ask the question. Yes, yes she did. She thought that giving me this would be the best way to make up for all that she had done. It didn't do a thing. And even though I loved Emily to death, nothing she could ever do would make up for what she had done to me.

"Um, uh, I...don't know, Em. Can I think about it?"

"Sure, take your time," she said quietly, obviously disappointed I hadn't said yes right away, and that we weren't holding hands, jumping up and down, and squealing right now. She should have known that I was never the type to do that. I didn't 'squeal', or 'giggle' or 'gush' or 'spill.' When we were younger, Emily had accepted that. She accepted me for who I was. It was totally different now, and her critical glare proved that. We weren't kids anymore, we were adults with kids, and in her case, a husband. And through all that had happened, nothing could ever be the same. As much as she wanted it to, nothing could go back to the way it was before. Because Sam didn't love me the way I had wanted him to. He didn't look at _me_ with adoring eyes, or say _my_ name coated with disgusting passion. He didn't think about _me_ all day, and smile at _me_ when he saw me at night. His mind didn't go nuts at the sound of _my _name. He didn't ask _me _to marry him, and I didn't have _his _children. She was all those things to him, she was everything I wasn't.

And though I didn't love Sam like I did before, the kind of pain that I went through doesn't just go away at the touch of a button. It scarred you, it stayed with you. I remembered the days where I was happy, bubbly, cheerful. I knew that everyone missed _that _Leah. The Leah that I would never be. I wasn't the same girl. I wasn't the same Leah. And I would never _ever _get her back. The pain that I had went through had changed me to much to ever be the same person ever again.

Jacob offered to drive me home, and I think it mostly had to do with the fact that I couldn't even walk in a straight line. Embry was strapping Jayme in her car seat by the time I reached the car.

"So, Lee. Ya think I could hang out with Jayme tommorow? Give you the day off?" he asked. Jayme cheered from the back seat.

"Sure, Embry,. I said as calmly as I possibly could. He walked away whistling a cheerful, tuneless melody. It was strange the way someone could change over the course of the day.

"I saw your face earlier, Leah," Jacob said as he backed out of the spae.

"Did you?" I asked carelessly.

"I know that you were thinking about before Sam and Emily...you know...met,' he said. I laughed at his attempt to tone down the obvious.

"So what if I was?" I asked.

"Leah, when you were gone, when I first started missing you, I thought I missed the carefree, happy-go-lucky, live life on the edge Leah. But as time went by, I started to realize that that wasn't it. I missed the Leah that could kick my butt in sprints. The Leah who could cuss you out before you even got the chance to say a word. The Leah who, well, kept me focused. That's the Leah I missed. Not the way you were before."

**Okay, so a couple important events happened in this chapter. I was about to have Sam and Leah discuss something...but never mind, I'll save that for another time. Anyway, thank you so much for answering my questions from the last chapter. I got a great variety of ideas, and now the story's plot-line has expanded so much in my head, it's all I can think about while I'm bored out of my mind in English class. Still, I have a few more questions that I would like answered...**

**What do you think about the wedding?**

**Do you think that Leah should accept Emily's invitation and be maid of honor?**

**Should the wedding be 'absoloutely perfect' and 'sickeningly sweet' or should there be drama rama going on?**

**Should Jake be mad at Embry when he finds out that Jayme is his daughter?**

**I know it's a lot...but please review!!!!**


	14. Chapter 13: She Doesn't Need Yours

I was irritated past the point of insanity. Mom was gone, probably to Billy's, Seth was probably on patrol, and no one left me so much as a note telling me anything. I didn't sleep a wink last night, Jayme's breakfast was on the stove, I was still in my pajamas, the TV was on, I was getting a load of dishes running, Jayme was screaming because of no food on her plate, and I was in over my head. I scrambled for the remote, and turned off the television, which just made Jayme shriek in frustration. I flipped it back on, rubbing my temples. I went back to the dishes, and just as I was done with that, waiting for a moment to relax, the smoke detectors screamed. Jayme's eyes flooded with tears, and she covered her ears with her little hands. _Dammit, the pancakes!_ I thought at myself and whirled for the stove. I turned off the heat, and dumped the smoking pancakes into the trash.

I turned for the living room, and flopped down on the couch. I closed my eyes, and let my muscles relax, enjoying the peace. That's when the phone rang, shrill and demanding. I stared at it in the kitchen from my position on the couch. _Some peace._ I grumbled to myself. I ran my hands through my knotted hair, and picked up the phone, not bothering with caller I.D.

"Hello?" I asked, exasperated beyond belief.

"Leah? It's Sam," he said, his voice devoid of any emotion.

"Oh, Hey Sam. Sorry, Seth and my mom aren't here right now, but I can take a message if you want..." I said, trailing off looking for a piece of paper and a pen. There wasn't one in sight. Of course.

"Actually, Leah," I wanted to speak to you for a few minutes...if that's okay?" he was tentative, scared of pissing me off. He thought I hadn't changed.

"MOMMA!!! FOOD!!! I'M HUNGRY!!!" Jayme shrieked. She wasn't a brat per se, but she wasn't shy about letting you know what she wanted.

"...is this a bad time?" he asked nervously. He heard her through the phone. Of course.

"Um...no..." I said, placing the phone between my shoulder and my ear to grab the pop tarts box out of the cabinet. I opened a package, and threw the pop tarts at the table in her direction. She looked up at me, giving me a meaningful look that I couldn't return. I was too curious to see what Sam had to say. I walked out the back door, leaving it open a crack so I could see Jayme.

"Sorry about that," I said. There was a long pause, it was extremely awkward. I wondered if he had hung up. "Um...Hello?"

"I'm here," he said, his tone flat again. God, he was so frustrating to talk to. He was so cryptic, that even in person I had never known what he was trying to say. Before...everything...I had found that romantic...mysterious...now, not so much. Now, it was just plain annoying.

"What did you want to talk about?" I said, trying to get him to spit it out. I didn't like talking to him, even now.

"Leah, this is something that is very hard for me to say..."

"Sam, could you speed this up, I have a daughter that I need to look after."

"Alright, alright. Leah, I need to ask something of you. I know you won't agree to it, and I know its almost pointless for me to ask...but I need to ask just in case."

"I'm getting old here..." There was a pause as if he were to point out that I wasn't aging, but then remembered that I was.

"Leah, I'd like you to join the pack again. We need someone like you, and we all miss you. We don't function right without you here..."

"Sam-" I had to cut him off. Was he serious? Was he really asking this of me? Was he stupid? Not only had I worked for three years to keep my temper under control enough to stay human, but I had a daughter now. He was crazy. Completely mental. He had lost it. There were so many ways I could put it. There was a long silence. As I ran through all the things I could possibly say to him in my mind.

"Sam...you know my answer, and I'm positive you know why. If I _was _going to join a pack, it would be Jacob's. It is absolutely stupid that you deluded yourself into thinking that I could possibly ever say yes to that. So I'm going to say one word. No." I hung up, and vowed to myself that I would never EVER talk to him unless I was completely forced to. I walked back into the the kitchen as calmly as I could.

"Who was that, Momma?" Jayme asked, pop tart crumbs on the table in front of her.

"Uh...Uncle Sam." I hated lying to her. "He's a fu...meanie head." I surprised myself. I hadn't sworn on purpose- let alone by mistake- in years.

"What did he want?" I stared at her.

"Um...a favor that I couldn't do for him. So, that's that," I said. She smiled.

"Sweetie, why don't you go watch some TV for a little while before Uncle Seth gets back?" she smiled happily, and ran off to the living room. I sat at the kitchen table, and let my head fall into my hands. I had been up all night thinking about what Emily had said. I didn't get even a wink of sleep. I was decided. I would attend. I was strong enough for that. And though I wasn't _really completely _over Sam, I could go, put on a happy face, and pretend for a few hours. I would do that for Emily. I would do that for Sam. I didn't know if I should be maid of honor, though. I knew I _wanted_ to be. I knew that this was an important thing for Emily- she'd been designing her dress since we were seven- and I wanted to show her that we could be friends. But that's all we would ever be. Not best friends, not soul sisters...none of that. I _did _love her. She was my biological cousin, and close friend. But things would never go back to the way they used to be. Things COULD never go back to the way they used to be. Because she was part of the reason that I would never be the same. She was part of the reason that made my past so dark and horrible that I was scared to share it with anyone, even my daughter, for fear that I might push her away. So I was decided. I wouldn't be her maid of honor. I wouldn't be a bridesmaid. But I'd sit in the front row and smile through my pain at her. I pictured it in my head- Emily glowing in a poofy, flowing white dress, Sam looking dashing in his classic tuxedo, and me, sitting in the audience with the other nobodies that were invited in my black dress, with the hugely fake smile that I had practiced so many times in the mirror. It would be painful, sure, but I would be there. To show her that things would never be the same. I sighed, and the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I heard Jayme trill from the other room, I stood up to welcome the guest. Jayme stopped cold when she saw the look on Jacob's face. I held my breath as I soaked in the pure agony that his eyes gave off. I shuddered, but squatted down next to Jayme.

"Hey, JayJay, how about you go upstairs and get ready for your nap?"

"But I just had breakfast!"

"JayJay...1...2...2 ½..." she scrambled up the stairs. I took Jacob's hand, and lead him to the couch, not sure if he could have made it on his own. I closed the door behind him, and sat down next to him.

"Jake..." I murmured quietly. I gave him time, watching his face intently.

"They figured out what's wrong with Nessie," he finally choked out. I smiled, but he didn't. This couldn't be good at all.

"Did they?" I asked, trying to keep my tone as expressionless as possible. He was staring at his hands, but he snuck a peak at my face from the corner of my eye.

"Her mind is too old for her body, and it's too far apart now to match up," he continued, still not looking at me. I didn't know what to say, so I stayed quiet, studying his face.

"Can they cure it?" I asked, barely mouthing the words, knowing the answer..

"Carlisle can only think of one way. It's risky, though," he said. He winced, and I felt a stab of pain at my heart as he did. "They're gonna...they're...they're going to..." but he didn't need to say it. I understood. They wanted to turn the spawn into a full vampire. They were going to bite her.

"Jake, I..." I didn't know what to say.

"They didn't even ask me first..."

"Jake, I know this isn't helping, but your opinion shouldn't matter. You're not her father."

"She's not strong enough for this. She won't live..."

"You don't know that."

"Leah, you're not understanding," he said flatly. I frowned. I wanted to understand. I wanted to help.

"What is it then?"

"It might break the imprint, Leah," he said darkly. I didn't know what to say once again. Was this good, bad?

"It'll be okay, Jake, I promise," I said, taking his hand.

"I don't want to hurt her," he whispered.

"She'll understand," I said quietly. He was silent. He nodded.

"I have to go," he said, standing up. "I can't be away from her for too long. I shouldn't have left her. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"No, no, Jacob. I want to be here for you Don't be sorry, okay?" He laughed, and ran a finger down my cheek.

"You're crying?" he asked with a light chuckle. I touched where the tear had ran down my face, and laughed.

"I guess I am," I said, staring at my feet. He lifted my chin so he could look me in the eyes.

"Thanks, Lee," he said, and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back.

"It'll be okay," I assured him.

"I know. It's great to have someone there for you. I haven't really had that in a while," he said, but then pulled away. "But I really do have to go get back. I just needed to tell someone. I know you've got my back, Lee." I smiled, I did have his back. I was his best friend.

Jacob's POV

I was smiling as I left the Clearwater's place. That was the idea. Leah somehow had the power to put a smile on my face. At least, now she did. She was my best friend right now. I focused more as I reached the highway. I was heading back to the Cullen's place. I needed to spend the time with Nessie that I had left. I wasn't really sad about the part that the transformation might break the imprint. It was safer for her, not to be around a werewolf all the time. But it would hurt her when she found out. I would just stop loving her, and who knows what would happen after that. I just wouldn't be drawn to her the same way. It was like breaking up with an emotional girlfriend, only ten times worse.

I skidded to a stop as Bella sat on the front step, waiting for me.

"Can I get through?" I spat at her.

"No, Jacob, I want to talk to you."

"So talk. I don't have much..." I paused as she glared at me. She was silent for a long time.

"I don't need your permission, Jacob," she said. "Or your approval. It's going to happen. It's the last chance we have to save her." I wanted to say something, but there was nothing to say. She was right. And I was powerless, I realized. She wasn't mine to control.

"Jacob, I'm sorry for hurting you. I really am, but I can't let her..." she looked down, and I'm sure that if she could cry, she would. "You and I both know she doesn't have much time left. You and I both know that we both love her. And I know that you'd rather her live as a vampire than not at all." I caught a wind of de ja vu. And she too, realized what she'd said.

"Jacob, don't let this happen again. I don't want to fight. Not now." She looked into my eyes. "Please, the stress of this is making her worse. Do you forgive me, Jacob?" I stared back into her golden eyes.

"For now," I said.

**Okay, well you got your first glimpse of Blackwater. I have such big ideas for this story. Jacob made up with Bella...sort of. It's not over yet. Sorry for not updating for a while. I've been pretty busy with finals and stuff. Keep reviewing!!!**


	15. Chapter 14: The Confusing Cullens

_What the hell am I doing here?_ I thought to myself as I was sitting on the Cullen's couch. Rosalie and Jacob were upstairs with the _thing_, (somehow they had set aside their differences for the cause) and the rest of them were sitting here with me.

"Leah, you are more than welcome to leave if you wish," Edward said as if he cared about my feelings. I didn't even spare him a glance. I would get distracted. All of them were distractingly beautiful, but Edward's beauty always startled me the most. At that thought I heard Edward snort a short laugh. I glared at him. I could have sworn I heard the leechlover, Bella, say something along the lines of:

"More than welcome, hell, I'd shove her right out the door." The big one, Emmett, failed miserably at supressing a laugh. I rolled my eyes and ignored them.

"Get out of my head," I grumbled to Edward, and let my face fall into my hands. I sat like that for a few minutes, and after a while I could feel Edward's gaze burning a hole in my back from across the room. I wanted to yell at him, but frankly, that would make it look like I cared what he did, and I didn't. Even through this new me, my senses weren't erased, but dulled. I could still inhale the sickly sweet odor of vampire. I didn't like sweet. I had a hard time stomaching it. And it wasn't just the sweet that you could physically sense. It was the sweet in which the leechlover sat on Edward's lap, him stroking her face lightly with his finger, it was the sweet way in which they all sat there in all their perfection...it was the sweetness that I had never been able to capture within myself. I hated that kind of sweet. And it surrounded me and my world right now.

"Leah," the blonde one said, coming down the stairs, sounding oddly pleasant. "Renesmee would like to talk to you alone if you don't mind." I stared at her, dumbfounded. The thing, spawn, mutant...wanted to talk to me? Why?

"Fine," I said, just wanting to get away from all of them, and headed up the stairs. Jacob greeted me at the door.

"Hey, Jake," I said. He smiled weakly.

"Just...don't...don't say anything that might hurt her...that might make it worse...okay?"

"Wasn't planning on it," I promised, gave him a quick hug, and entered the room. Jacob closed the door behind me, and I heard footsteps that led down the stairs. Then I turned and looked at her. I gasped at what I saw. The beautiful half vampire that I remembered looked like a half-dead half vampire. Her father's bronze hair hung limply down the sides of her face, her cheeks lost the pink that they always seemed to have, and her eyes seemed flat, devoid of the usual spark they always seemed to contain. If it weren't for the fact that she seemed to sit up once I looked at her, I would've thought she'd died right in front of me.

"Hello, Leah," she said in barely a whisper.

"Hi," I said, walking closer to the bed so that she wouldn't have to try so hard. She looked so weak it brought out the motherly side in me.

"I know that you don't particularly care for me, Leah, so I'll make this as short as I possibly can," she said. I nodded I couldn't deny the fact that I didn't like her. "Jacob loves you." It was a blunt statement. So blunt, that I was taken off guard. I sat there, jawdropped looking like a total idiot. Once I had pulled myself together, I studdered to get my answer out.

"What are you talking about?" I whispered.

"I know that I may be on my death bed, Leah, but I'm not stupid," she said. I was in shock again. "Especially Jayme. He loves Jayme so much."

"He told you?"

"He told me everything. And some things I figured out on my own. I may be dying, but my brain is in perfect shape...he's..."

"Yes! He's...that...can you not say it out loud!"

"Oh, I see...he doesn't..."

"No! He doesn't..."

"Now I get it." She smiled.

"Thanks." She nodded apologetically. Deep inside though, she looked hurt. Deeply hurt. _Her _Jacob had _my _baby. He just didn't know it.

_Dammit! Edward! You better not tell him! Please...I beg of you!_ I thought at him.

"Back to my original point..." Renesmee continued. "He loves you. And once this imprint breaks...well...he'll be free to love you without _me _getting in the way. I just wanted to let you know that if you were to love him too...well...I wouldn't give you a hard time. I love him enough that I would want what makes him happy...which would be you."

"Nessie, I don't love Jacob that way, so there's nothing to worry about." She smiled a weak smile at me. "He's my best friend...that's all. I wouldn't have it any other way." I continued to assure her. She seemed to perk up at the sound of it.

"I'm hurting him so much," she whispered. I didn't say anything. I couldn't deny it. By the time that Jacob came upstairs again, we were back to sitting there in complete silence.

"Leah, it's time to go," Jacob said, coming into the room. I smiled at him, told Nessie to feel better, then left them in their privacy.

Reluctantly, I made my way down the marble staircase. Edward was the only one in the room now, leaning against the railing at the bottom of the stairs. I scanned the room, searching for someone else, anyone else to make this less awkward.

"Um...I uh...just tell Jake that I'll be...um...waiting in the car..." I said, making a break for outside.

"A word, Leah?" he said grabbing my arm. I stared at his hand on my arm.

"Let go of me," I growled. He immediately did as I asked. I unwillingly looked up at his unfairly beautiful face, and jumped as I always did. The sad part was, I didn't even like him.

"You have one of the few minds I enjoy reading," he said randomly. I raised one eyebrow. "Leah, the way you interpret everything so interestingly, the way you react to everything so differently than everyone else...it makes me want to know more about you..."

"Alright, I'm leaving before your _wife _comes in."

"She won't mind." He winked. I gaped at him. I was most certain that Bella would mind. "You must bring Jayme around here soon. I would absoloutely love to meet her."

"Um, yeah, sure," I smiled a fake smile at him. _Thanks for not telling Jacob anything. _I thought.

He winked again. "That's what friends are for."

"Yeah...sure...friends..." I snorted at the impossibility.

"I really do think of you as a friend, Leah. I hope that you will see me that way as well," he said persuasively. I just stared at him...wondering how he could possibly come to the conclusion that I would ever want to be friends with him. I glanced up at his face, forgetting that I shouldn't, and jumped. Not at the beauty of him, but at the expression in his eyes. He looked genuinely...hurt by my thoughts.

"Jacob is my best friend, Edward. And quite frankly, he isn't very private of his apparent dislike for you. I may not be a werewolf anymore, but I am still a loyal friend."

"I understand, Leah, just...I would hate for you to leave on this note with me...friends?" he offered his hand for a shake. I rolled my eyes and made my way to the door. Of course, I had to stumble on the last step. Edward wrapped his cold arms around my waist, and stood me up again.

"Your welcome," he said. I rolled my eyes again, and made sure that I would leave without falling.

_Could all men be this stupid? _I asked myself. I heard Edward chuckling as I slammed the car door shut. I had my answer. _Yes, yes they could._


	16. Chapter 15: Closer Than You Think

I was waiting in the car for ten minutes until Jake finally came out and got in the driver's seat.

"It's about time," I grumbled playfully.

"Sorry," he shrugged. There was a long pause; he still hadn't started the car. "I heard Edward hitting on you," he said with a smirk, and a boistreous laugh following it. I hadn't seen him this carefree in a while-it put a smile on my face.

"Well, I wouldn't call it hitting on me...but yeah, he was being a little bit friendly...a little bit _too_ friendly..." I said. Jacob laughed again, then started the car. He put his arm over the back of my seat, and turned his head so he could pull out of the driveway, and I was surprised at how strangely aware I was of how close he was to me.

"You seem like you're in a good mood," I pointed out. He smiled.

"Do I?"

"Yeah...what happened?" The smile faded, and his face turned abruptly serious. He looked at me in the eyes, still driving, but I wasn't really worried.

"I guess I just grasped the fact that I can't stop what's going to happen. There's no point in fighting anymore, so why waste the effort of trying to fight the inevitable?" I smiled at him.

"I'm proud of you, Jake," I said. "I thought you would never let go of her, but you did. Maybe it's for the best."

"You helped me a lot, Leah," he confessed. "I guess your coming back kind of snapped me back into reality."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, your coming back sort of got to me. It told me, life goes on. You can't try and change the unchangeable. You can't waste your energy fighting things you can't change. You just have to move on, live your life the fullest, and just do things and be around people that make you happiest. You taught me that, Leah. So, thanks."

"Your welcome," I murmured. Just then, a rush of impulse flooded through me. I wanted to tell Jacob everything. I fought it as much as I could. I needed to tell him I realized. I gave myself a week. A week, and if I didn't...well...I didn't really know what would happen if I didn't. But, nonetheless, I gave myself a week to do what seemed like the impossible.

Jacob's POV

I drove Leah home, and we both stared at the beat up, blue, minivan that sat in the driveway of the Clearwater's house.

"What the hell are they doing here?" we said simulataneously. We laughed a short laugh. Leah raced to get out of the car in a sudden burst of energy. She half-sprinted up the front walk. I was close behind her, inviting myself in, though I knew that no one would really mind. She flung the door open, and just stood there in the doorway. Seth, Sue, Sam, and Emily, were all sitting on the couch. Seth sat there, slouched on the couch, looking extremely bored. Sue sat on the edge of her seat, examining something on the table in front of her. Sam had his arm wrapped tightly around Emily while she wrote something down on a pad, then looking up at the stack of envelopes in front of her. From what I could see, they were a stack of wedding invitations. I had politely declined Sam's request of being his best man, saying that I would much rather sit in the audience than throw him a bachelor party. Paul had eagerly taken my place. Leah just stood there, glaring at Emily. She shook her head, and started up the stairs, probably toward her room.

"Hello, Jacob," Sam said nonchalantly, as if Leah hadn't just been there. I acknoweledged him with a nod. My eyes floated back to the invitations.

"I guess I don't really have a reason for being here, so I'm going to take off..."

"Actually, Jacob, would you mind taking Jayme up to Leah...I'd really appreciate it," Sue said, cocking her head towards a room where I could now hear Jayme's peal of laughter.

"Sure, sure," I said, shrugging. I hadn't really said goodbye to Leah anyway, so this would be my chance.

I walked into the other room. Derrick and Nicole smiled at me, and immediately grabbed hold of my legs.

"Uncle Jacob!" they squealed in harmony. Jayme then noticed my entrance, and grinned brilliantly at me. She started to run over to me, but tripped. Derrick immediately let go of my leg, and ran over to her. He made sure she was okay, then helped her up.

"Thank you," Jayme said quietly, shyly. He shrugged. I smiled.

"Hey JayJay, grandma said that it was time for you to go to bed," I told her. She looked at Derrick, who shrugged. She seemed to unwillingly look away.

"Okay," she said quietly. I took her hand, and then scooped her into my arms. Derrick and Nicole followed me out the door. All of them seemed to laugh at me as I came in with a baby parade behind me. I ignored them, and started to climb up the stairs to Leah's room. I knocked lightly on the door. No response.

"Leah, can I come in?" I called there was a short pause, then she opened the door.

"Oh, thanks for taking her up for me," she smiled at me, and took away the little girl that felt so natural in my arms.

"Is there...anything else you wanted to say?" she asked meekly after a short period of silence. I looked into her eyes for a moment, then dropped my gaze.

"Actually...uh...yeah...there was something I wanted to ask you," I said, walking into the room. She closed the door behind me, then put a half-asleep Jayme in her crib. I thought through the next few words carefully.

"What was that you wanted to ask me?" she sounded so nervous, I wondered why.

"Well...I...uh..." she raised an eyebrow at me, and I felt like I was in high school again, asking the hottest girl in La Push (besides Leah) to the prom. She said no, and I ended up not going anyway. I heard from other people it kind of sucked, so I wasn't missing much.

"I was wondering if you...would...uh..um...be my date to Sam and Emily's wedding?" my voice cracked at the end.

_Dammit, Jake. Can't even ask a girl on a date? _She stared at me, her eyes seemed amused.

"Uh, sure, why not?" she said, suddenly nervous. I smiled.

"Cool, I would feel like a loser if I showed up alone, so, you know..." She smiled. "I better get going...I'll see you soon?"She smiled, and nodded.

"Night, Jake," she said.

"Night, Lee." I walked out. I sat in my car, not leaving yet, an involuntary smile on my face. I heard a creak come from Leah's room, the sound of Jayme turning in her crib.

"Momma?" she asked, her voice coated with drowsiness.

"Yes, baby?" Leah whispered.

"Will I ever meet my daddy?" I heard Leah gasp. There was a long silence. Then a light snore started, she had fallen back asleep. Leah let out a long sigh.

"He's closer than you think," she whispered, and planted what sounded like a kiss on her forehead. There was footsteps, and then Leah's bedroom light went black.

**Okay, I know that this is the 2nd chapter today, but I had a lot of free time, and I'm really getting excited about this story. Unfortuneately, I'll be taking a 3 ½ week long vacation starting tommorow, so I may not update for a while. Sorry guys, review now so I can read it before I leave tommorow!**


	17. Chapter 16: It's Jayme

**Jacob's POV**

By this point, I knew almost everything about Leah. She had told me everything from her dreams, her regrets, her hopes, her wishes, who she did and didn't like, to trivial things like her favorite color. I knew almost everything about Jayme too because of my fast-growing relationship with Leah. Really, the only thing I didn't know…was her father.

I started thinking about who it could be. I had to be someone on the reservation. Jayme's thick black hair, dark brown eyes, and copper skin just screamed Quileute. It wasn't anyone in the pack, though. If it was, we would have heard it by now. Unless some wolf was being extremely careful about their thoughts, it wasn't anyone in the pack. But as far as I knew, Leah didn't socialize much with anyone outside the pack, the imprints, my dad, and her family. But what did I know? Who the hell could Leah be stupid enough to sleep with on the reservation? Leah didn't really have any other friends, and even if she was under some spell, she wouldn't do it. She was still not over the whole Sam thing, as far as I knew, so why would she be sleeping with someone?

Unthinkingly, Leah _had _given me two subtle clues. The first was when we first talked on the beach. I had told her that Jayme looked like her. Leah quietly said. "She looks more like her father." I'd have to take a good look at Jayme. The second was the other night, when Leah murmured to a sleeping Jayme "He's closer than you think." That gave me more fast information than the first. This must mean that the father- whoever the hell he was- was in La Push _now_.

I groaned and tilted my sore neck to the ceiling. This was going to bother me. Like a rock in my shoe, it was going to rub, and rub, until it became a real sore. For some odd reason, I had an overwhelming urge to ask. I needed to know, and the reason wasn't Jayme. It was Leah. The loser who left Leah to raise a child all by herself…how could he be so stupid? Jayme was amazing, and obviously, the father was just a jerk to not see that he needed to be there for his kid. Whoever the hell he was, he was just plain idiotic.

**Leah's POV**

So I wouldn't be showing up at that joke of a wedding alone. I guess that was a good thing. Since Jacob and I were the only members of the pack (and imprints) that were not included in the wedding party, it just made sense that we would go together. I had called Emily this morning and tried to explain to her why I wouldn't be a part of her wedding party. She seemed pretty upset, and mumbled something about Rachel. I assured her that Rachel would probably make a better Maid of Honor than I would anyway. Rachel was good at that kind of stuff, and really, I wasn't. That didn't seem to cheer her up. The day passed pretty uneventfully. Jayme watched T.V. until 12:30, and I made her grilled cheese for lunch. I put her down upstairs for a nap, and she fell asleep quickly. I sat on the couch, surfing the channels, but nothing good was ever on on a Sunday. The phone rang, and I scrambled to pick it up.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey, Lee, its Rachel."

"Oh, hey Rach, what's going on?"

"Leah, Emily just called me." I couldn't respond. I felt nervous. Rachel was never afraid to slap you in the face, theoretically of course, with the truth. She was the most tell-it-like-it-is person I'd ever met. Sometimes, it was just what I needed. Sometimes, like now, it was exactly what I didn't want.

"Did she?" I said, trying to be blasé.

"Leah, she's really upset. She really wants you to be her Maid of Honor," Rachel said, as if trying to persuade me.

"You're better at that kind of stuff, Rachel. She knows that, you'd be so much better…"

"Leah, it's not that she thought you'd be good. You're like her sister, and you, well, you kind of betrayed her."

"Oh, so now _I'm_ the one who's betraying _her_! Rachel, you have _no _idea how hard this is for me. Do you really expect me to just stand there while my supposed "best friend" is getting married to my ex-boyfriend? Or do you just like seeing me in pain? They're lucky I'm even showing up at all! This is just as much her fault as it is his!"

"Leah, you know she couldn't control it, and neither could he."

"Do you think that matters?! Rachel do you even know what the date of the wedding is?"

"Um, August something, right?"

"Yeah, right. It's also the anniversary of the day they met," I practically spat at her. I let that sit there. I let Rachel see what that meant. What that really, truly, meant. Sure, it was a happy day for them- the day they fell in love- but it's also the day that they ripped my heart out, and left me bleeding, and all they did was smile and look into each others eyes. Emily had never apologized for doing that to me. Then again, I knew she wasn't sorry. I knew she didn't regret meeting him. I wasn't even sure she regretted hurting me in the process.

"Leah…I…I'm so sorry I…didn't know…"

"Well, now you do." There was an awkward silence, and all I wanted to do was hang up the phone.

"Well, Rachel, Maid of Honor is a big job, and I'm sure there's something you need to be doing, so…"

"Wait! Leah! I need to ask you something," she said, but hesitated afterward. "Are you…by any chance…going to the wedding…with my brother…like as a date?" I scoffed, and laughed.

"No! No, why would you think that?"

"Leah…"

"Fine, yes, okay! But it's not a date. It's just a friend thing. He's just picking me up and bringing me home. That's all."

"Mm-hmm." Rachel said. "Well, I better go. I have to meet Emily, we're uh…doing stuff for the wedding today."

"Just out of curiosity, what are you guys doing today?"

"Dress shopping…why…did you want to…come?"

"Uh, sure why not?" I guess I would have to make amends with Emily sooner than later. "But…where would I leave Jayme, she obviously can't come with us," I said, almost afraid to hear her answer.

"We're leaving the kids with Jacob, if that's okay with you…you haven't told him yet, have you?"

"Rachel…give me some time, it's easier said than done."

"Whatever, Leah," she said, fed up with me. "Plans sound good?"

"Plans sound fine," I confirmed in a small voice. The tension was obvious.

"Be at my dad's house in an hour. That'll give me enough time to convince her that it's okay you're coming…I think."

"Bye, Rachel," I said.

"Bye Leah." Then she hung up. I sighed, and hung up as well.

I walked upstairs, and woke Jayme from her nap. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Where are you going?" she asked. I hadn't even told her that I was going somewhere.

"Uh…out with your Aunts Rachel and Emily," I said.

"Where am I going?" she asked.

"You, are going to spend some time with Jacob, Nicole, and Derrick," I told her. Suddenly full of energy, she ran down the stairs, out the door, to the car, I was just coming out the door to see her tugging on the car door handle.

"Sweetie, JayJay, we don't have to leave now," I told her, chuckling. She pouted, and plopped down onto the driveway. I laughed again. "Honey, please come inside." She shook her head defiantly.

"No!" I raised my arms in surrender, and I sat on the porch steps, and watched my daughter. She sang quietly to herself in the horrible voice that didn't belong to me. She got _that_ from him. I looked at her, and noticed everything that she had inherited from Jacob. The curve of her full lips, the shape of her face, the slope of her nose…everything that she had, she got from him. She got her almond-shaped eyes and thick black eyelashes from me but that was about it. Why did everyone say she looked like me? They were probably just saying that to be nice. I walked down to the car, and strapped Jayme into her car seat.

"Jacob's house?" she asked, her eyes brightening. I nodded, she smiled brilliantly.

The five minute drive to the Black's small red house was silent except for the quiet hum of the car's engine. I looked through the rearview mirror at my daughter. Jayme looked out the window at the passing world. Her eyes were filled with wonder. I smiled.

When I pulled into the driveway, Rachel and Emily were waiting by Emily's minivan. Rachel smiled when she saw me, but Emily barely acknowledged me. _She must be more upset than I thought._ I thought to myself.

"I just have to talk to Jacob for a second, but I'll be right out," I said, mostly to Rachel.

"Take your time," Rachel assured me, as if we hadn't been having an argument earlier. I smiled, then followed Jayme as she sprinted into the house. By the time I got there, she was already in Jacob's arms.

"Sorry about that, Jake," I said.

"It's no problem. I just found out that I get to spend the day with Jayme anyway. Is it okay with you if Embry comes over…I kinda already invited him…" I thought about being angry, but decided it wasn't worth it.

"I don't care," I said, smiling as genuinely as I could. Then I had to give him the babysitter routine. "Alright, she can eat anything, except penu…" There was a sudden crash from the other room. Jake and I ran to the office to find a bookshelf tipped over, and a very guilty-looking Derrick.

"I'll help…"

"No, just go have fun," he assured quickly.

"Are you sure…did you get everything?"

"Sure, sure, go, Leah. My sister and Emily are waiting for you." I raised an eyebrow suspiciously as Jake lifted the bookshelf back onto the wall with ease. Derrick and Nicole didn't look surprised, but Jayme stared up at him in awe. Jake turned to me.

"Whoops," he mouthed. I rolled my eyes, and left.

"Ready?" Rachel asked as soon as I neared her car. Emily was sitting in the passenger seat, arms crossed. I nodded and smiled. Rachel climbed into the driver's seat, and started the engine. I crawled into the backseat, and buckled myself into the middle seat so I could hold a conversation with them easily if that was what ended up happening.

About fifteen minutes into the silent car ride to Port Angeles, Rachel shot me a meaningful look through the rearview mirror. I shook my head quickly. She cocked her head to the side. I stuck my tongue out, and turned to face Emily.

"Em…" I started.

"Yes, Leah?" Emily asked, staring out the windshield, not in my direction.

"I'm sorry about this morning on the phone," I told her. She didn't respond, so I continued. "I know how much this day means to you, and I know that you had your heart set on this, but you've got to understand how uncomfortable it would make me to be up there. Over the past few years, I haven't been the best friend to you, and I don't really think that I deserve to be up there-"

"Leah, there's no need to make up stupid excuses. I understand that this whole situation is hard for you, but this day isn't about you. It's about me. And I thought for once, that maybe you could do something for me, and be up there while I get married to the love of my life. And I know that this is really awkward considering the past, but it's exactly that. The past. We can't change it. I thought that maybe you'd be the friend that I know you are, but I guess you are too selfish to do this one thing for me. That's all I asked of you. To have that title, to be my maid of honor. I'm sorry if I hurt you Leah, but I thought that it was cleared up a long time ago that I don't like hurting you like this. You're my friend, at least I thought you were, and I'm sorry about everything. But I don't regret falling in love with him. It would be perfect if it didn't mean pushing you away as I have. And I get it. Things have changed. We both have kids to take care of. We're older, and things are a lot different, but I thought our friendship was one thing that would never change. I guess I was wrong."

I sat there, speechless. That was the first time I had ever seen Emily get that passionate about something since…well…that was the first time. She was really hurt, and upset, and I saw why.

I _was _being selfish by skipping out on doing this for one of my best friends. But she didn't see how hard this really was for me. All of a sudden, that didn't seem to matter. She wasn't wrong anymore, I was. I felt really horrible, stupid. God, why did I screw this up? I tried to apologize, but words were impossible.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, but that was all I could manage.

Emily didn't respond. I slumped back against the seat, defeated. I glared at Rachel through the rearview mirror as if it were her fault, and when she finally noticed me, she shrugged.

"Sorry," she mouthed, and then diverted her attention back to the highway. We were five minutes away from Port Angeles when Emily spoke again.

"I'm sorry, Leah," she said quietly, turning around in her seat. "I don't want to lose you, and what I said sort of just slipped out. I didn't mean it…"

"Em, you had every right to say what you just said to me. Now I understand how you feel, so thanks." I couldn't deny it. Emily was one of my best friends, no matter how bad she'd scarred me. She'd accepted me when no one else would, and that was something that I would never forget, but I would never forget how she's hurt me as well.

"Friends?" I nodded. She pulled me into an awkward hug. She still saw me as a friend more than I saw her as one. I saw Rachel's knowing smile out of the corner of my eye, so I must have been putting on a good show.

***************************************

How many more dresses could I see on Emily before I puked all over them? It was hard to tell, but I was sure I couldn't take many more. Rachel noticed my discomfort.

"Leah, how about you go take a walk?" I nodded.

"I'll be back in fifteen minutes," I promised. The sound of the jingling bell as I exited the store never sounded so sweet. I was just walking down the street, staring at my feet when I saw it. The perfect dress. It was advertised on a mannequin in the store window, and I was practically drooling and pressing my face up against it. I pulled myself put together, and walked into the store. I casually admired the dress from the inside, and it was so much better up close. The black silk, spaghetti straps, lace hemline and cut…it was absolutely perfect.

"A good choice," a voice behind me said. A very slim, fashionable Asian woman looked at me speculatively. "Would you like to try it on?"

"Sure," I said.

"I'll get it for you…what size?" the woman asked. I hadn't worn a dress in forever, so I didn't know. I blushed.

"I don't…know…" The woman's expression was startled but she quickly contained herself.

"I'll get you a one and a three, and we'll take it from there," she said, examining my body as she paced a circle around me. I smiled a weak smile, and I could practically feel her rolling her eyes as she walked away.

I claimed a dressing room, and waited as she brought over two of the gorgeous dresses.

"Here you go," she said, flashing me a brilliant smile.

"Thank you," I said quietly, and closed the door. I slipped on the 3, so my self esteem wouldn't be shattered if I didn't fit into a 1. Surprisingly, as I zipped up the sides, the dress felt baggy everywhere, so I quickly took it off, and picked up the sized 1 dress. I said a silent prayer as I felt the silk slip and slide over my skin. I closed my eyes as I zipped it up, faced the mirror, and took a deep breath. My eyelids fluttered open, and I nearly passed out.

The person in the mirror couldn't be me. The dress fell in a way that made the utter skimpiness not slutty in any way. The dress accentuated my thin shoulders and soft curves, and made it look like I actually had cleavage. I sighed in ecstasy, but caught myself as I suddenly realized something very important that could limit me. I froze, and looked at the tag hanging from underneath my arm. I took the offending piece of paper in my hands, took a long breath, and flipped it over. I nearly passed out all over again. $600. Was that even possible? I felt a wave of sadness crash over me as I realized I simply couldn't afford it. But I _had _to have that dress. I dug through my purse, and pulled out my wallet. I went to the back, and found my credit card. I'd only used it once or twice, and those were emergencies. But this…I quickly took off the dress, changed back into my jeans, practically ran to the counter, put down the dress and my credit card before I lost my nerve.

The Asian woman eyed me with concern, but swiped my credit card, put the dress in a bag, and handed it to me.

"Thanks for shopping with us today, come again soon," she said flatly. She had to say that to everyone. I turned around, happy and sad at the same time to see a frantic Rachel and Emily running around, screaming my name. I ran outside, desperate to know why they were so on edge.

"Rach, Em, what's going on?" They were breathing hard, and didn't answer me. "Hello?!" They shared a nervous glance.

"I can't," Emily said in a whisper. Rachel nodded in understanding.

"Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is going on?!"

"Lee, it's Jayme," Rachel whispered. I didn't speak. I couldn't even if I wanted to.

**Another cliffhanger…don't worry, Jayme's not dead. Things get pretty interesting from here, though. Sorry for the extra wait, vacation and then I was exhausted from that. Long chapter this time, though!**

**Love you guys!**


	18. Chapter 17: He Felt It Too?

**Jacob's POV**

I paced back and forth in the waiting room of the hospital, my heart pounding, my palms sweating, my mind full of worry. Embry sat in a seat, tapping his foot erratically. His hand was curled around the arm rest of the plastic chair, and I could see it giving into his strong hands.

"Embry, relax," I coughed, and he immediately removed his hand from the innocent chair. The deformed arm rest was left in the shape of his palm.

"Take your own advice, Jake," he mumbled harshly. I hesitated, but didn't respond, and continued to pace. I sat down in the seat next to Embry, and my fingers subconsciously began to drum the arm rest.

I tried not to focus on the situation at hand, and focus on my surroundings. The pretty blonde receptionist at the desk kept answering the phone and checking files on her computer. Another nervous-looking couple in the waiting room sat impatiently, biting their nails, running their hands through their hair. I probably could have recognized them if I weren't in such a frantic mood. Nicole and Derrick played quietly with the hospital's toys. I could hear the rain sheeting down against the windows, and I could see from the corner of my eye the reflection of car headlights on the wet pavement in the parking lot outside. I could smell the odor of medicine and hand sanitizer.

At the same time, both Embry's and my head snapped up at the scent of vampire. It was familiar- Carlisle, and we shouldn't have been surprised. Somehow, the bloodsucker managed to work in a hospital. He seemed to notice us at the same moment we noticed him because he met my eyes, and as recognition crossed his face, he began to walk closer to me. I stand up instinctually.

"Jacob, may I ask what you are doing here?" he said as soon as he was near enough. I felt my cheeks burn.

"Let's just say I'm not the best babysitter in the world," I mumble. He stares at me with no understanding.

"I was supposed to be babysitting Leah's daughter, but I guess Leah forgot to tell me that Jayme's allergic to penuts and I made her a PB&J sandwich because I can't cook…okay, I screwed up. Big time."

"Do you want me to check on her?" he asked, with what seemed like genuine concern.

"I guess that's all I can ask," I said, sighing, and sinking back into the chair.

"Jacob, I would actually like to speak to you in private for a moment, if you don't mind," he said, gesturing to Embry. Embry shrugged with a depressed look on his face. Carlisle looked confused, but shook it off, and gestured for me to follow him through the doors to what seemed like his office. He sat down and motioned for me to do the same. I collapsed into the seat, and I could almost feel the wood snap under my weight. Both me and the chair crashed to the ground.

"God dammit," I whispered to myself. "I'm so sorry…Dr. Cullen…"

"No apology needed, it was simply an accident…and please, Jacob, call me Carlisle." I nodded. "Now, you probably know what I need to talk to you about."

"Nessie," I say glumly. I've been avoiding seeing her lately because I want the breaking imprint as easy and as painless as possible. For both of us. I just wanted to make the transition gradual.

"Precisely," he says quietly. "You see, Nessie's brain seems to be repairing itself, but in order to do that, it is abandoning other parts of her body, such as her heart, and her lungs. She can't survive much longer, even with all the machines I've got her connected to. Edward is at home with her, but he is completely miserable because of the condition she is in is not great. You could only imagine Bella's state of mind. She hasn't left the room for days. The transformation is the only thing that can save her, and it needs to happen as soon as possible.

"I thought that was already made clear, doc," I said, my tone ringing with "duh".

"Jacob, you're not understanding, you see, we were planning that I would perform the transformation…this evening when I return home," he said, his face blank, weary. I on the other hand couldn't speak. She was my imprint. She was the reason I was here. But very soon, that wasn't going to be true anymore. Vampires were my natural enemy and even sitting here in this small office, alone with one who I'd become very accustomed to, was very uncomfortable. But once Renesmee was really a vampire, she'd become my "enemy" and that would break the imprint. Maybe. It's not like anyone had ever imprinted on a half-vampire before.

"Renesmee would like you to be there, but she understands why if you don't want to," Carlisle invited, formal as always.

"I'll think about it. Just tell her to not be surprised if I don't show up."

"Of course," he said. "That's all on that subject, unless there is something you wanted to talk about?" What would I want to talk to him about?

"Hey, can you do a DNA test?" I asked, not really thinking anything through.

"I am capable of performing a DNA test, yes, but the question is why would _you _need one?" He said, raising an eyebrow. His golden eyes stared into mine for a long time until I dropped my gaze.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter," I said, standing up, ready to get back to the waiting room. "I…uh…better get back to Embry, make sure he's not having a panic attack."

"Of course, just promise me something, Jacob. Take care of yourself…and your family…in the future. You'll do amazing, I know you will." I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Okay…"

"Thank you, Jacob, you may return to your friend now," he said. "I will go check on Jayme." He walked to the door, and held it open for me.

"Thanks," I say, and start down the hall back to the waiting room. Before I can even get in the room, I hear Leah yelling at the receptionist, demanding to see her daughter. The kind receptionist was calmly trying to soothe Leah, and tell her that she would need to wait before she could see Jayme. I took a deep breath, realizing that I would need to explain to a furious Leah what happened and why it wasn't my fault that she didn't tell me that Jayme was allergic to peanut butter. Finally, the shrieking stopped, loud footsteps slammed on the tiled floor, and Leah sat down. I could hear Rachel and Emily frantically trying to calm Leah down.

"Where is Jacob?" she hissed Embry.

"I dunno, he went somewhere with doctor bloodsucker." Embry responded. Leah snarled.

After taking a couple more deep breaths, I entered the room. As soon as she saw me, Leah stood up, and whispered under her breath. "Outside. Now." I changed my path to the exit, and she followed close behind me. I exhaled slowly and turned around.

"What happened? Don't screw around with me, Jacob!"

"I'm sorry, it's not my fault you didn't tell me she was allergic to peanuts! Do you think I would've done this to her on purpose?! I love her! I practically hate myself for doing this to her! You know I can't cook! What else was I supposed to make her for lunch!?" Leah narrowed her eyes into slits, and stumbled over words. She clenched her shaking hands into fists.

"I can't believe you, Jacob Black," she said quietly, and walked away from me, back into the hospital. The worst part was, I had no idea why I was smiling after her.

**LPOV**

I was so angry, I was quite literally seeing red. I almost phased back there. Did he not hear me? Did he misunderstand? What the hell was going through his mind when I said that she's allergic to peanuts? It didn't matter anymore, though. I had to focus on Jayme. I stormed back to the waiting room, where Carlisle seemed to be questioning Embry about this afternoon's events.

"Let me see her. Now," I said through clenched teeth. Carlisle nodded.

"Of course, follow me," he said, and I did. The halls and doors seemed endless as he led me through the hospital. When we finally arrived at the children's wing, he lead me to a room, where I could hear a faint cough. I pushed the doctor out of the way and entered the room.

"MOMMA!" Jayme called to me in a raspy voice.

"Oh, baby," I said to her, getting on my knees next to her bed. "I'm sorry this happened," I said, holding her puffy cheeks in between my hands. Her lips and cheeks were swollen and red, and hives covered her arms and legs.

"It's not your fault, but I like peanut butter," she said, giggling.

"That's too bad, because you're never EVER having it again, am I clear, young lady?" I asked her, only partially kidding. She nodded in agreement, touching lightly her inflated face.

"Momma?" Jayme asked after a couple long moments of silence.

"Yes, baby?"

"Did Jacob give me the peanut butter on purpose? Did he want to hurt me?" Jacob's voice was ringing in my ear.

_Do you think I would have done this on purpose!? I love her! I practically hate myself for doing this to her!_

"No, Jacob loves you," I said quietly. "He would never do that to you."

"Is Jacob my daddy?" she asked abruptly. I gasped and hesitated.

"Well…"

"Hey Jayme!"

_Speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear._

"Jacob?" Jayme asked, excited now.

"Hey baby, are you feeling any better?"

"I can breathe now," Jayme said, taking a dramatic breath so Jacob could hear.

"That's good," he said, eyeing me, obviously sensing the death glare I was sending him.

"Jayme!" It was Embry's voice this time that came from around the corner.

"EMMY!!" Jayme shrieked in pleasure as he cut Jacob off, and took his seat right next to her.

"How are you feeling, JayJay?"

"Much, much better, but I'm still itchy!" she complained.

"I'm so sorry, JayJay," he said, and his eyes said he meant it. It was official. I loved two out of the three other people in this room, and Jacob wasn't one of them. It was obvious that Embry truly cared about Jayme, after all, she _was _his imprint, and he wasn't even there when I _did _tell Jacob that she was allergic to peanuts. I turned to face Jacob.

"I hate you," I whispered to him so Jayme couldn't hear. Hearing those words out of my mouth, directed at Jacob…that would just tear her apart. Embry's head snapped up, and he seemed torn between Jayme and me.

"Leah, can I talk to you outside?" he asked. I shrugged, and gave Jacob one final glare as I left. I hope Embry realized that no matter where we went in a 50 yard radius, Jacob would be able to hear everything we said. I guess he did, because we just left right outside the room.

"Why are you putting him through hell over this, Leah?" he asked. He didn't seem angry, but more like disappointed in me. I gaped at him in disbelief. "It was an honest mistake, Leah. I can't see why you're not understanding. I can't see why you won't forgive him."

"In normal circumstances, I would forgive him. But these aren't normal circumstances, Embry. If this was a mistake that affected me, him, or anyone else, I would forgive him. But this mistake was at the expense of Jayme. _My_ daughter. _Your_ imprint," I ranted. He hesitated, but responded.

"She's fine now, though, so it's all okay." My jaw dropped, and it took me a couple of minutes to recover, and words to come out of my mouth.

"Embry," I said, taking a deep breath. "She is fine. _Now._ But she should have been fine a couple of hours ago, too. If Jacob had listened to me, then we wouldn't be in this situation."

"You have to trust him, though, in the future…" I wanted to cry, because even though Embry hadn't said it out loud. He might as well have screamed it to me. "I know what's going on, Leah. And because of what he is to her now, you have to trust him."

"I don't know if I can," I said, as blasé as possible.

"Why not?"

"Look where we're standing right now, Embry," I said, and walked back into the room. As I did, I noticed Jacob's very confused expression. His chin was pressed to his chest, his dark eyebrows squished together, and he was staring off into space.

I sat on the end of Jayme's bed., and stroked her puffy face.

"Look, sweetie, I'm sorry this happened to you…"

"Jayme, your mother shouldn't be the one apologizing to you," Jacob said, closer behind me than I expected. "This is all my fault, and if I had known that giving you peanut butter would hurt you, I never would have done it. I am so sorry."

Jayme shrugged.

"That's alright. As long as you didn't mean to," she said, still smiling. I looked at her blankets so I could hide my disbelief. Only a two-year-old could be this forgiving.

That's when a nurse stepped in.

"Alright, Jayme," she said, smiling brightly, then turning to me. "We're going to have to perform a few more tests, so I'm going to have to ask all of you to step out to the waiting room for a while."

"Just one quick question, if that's possible," I asked.

"Of course, ask away."

"Um, what tests will you be doing?"

"Well, we're going to perform a test to see the real severity of the reaction, other than what is physically visible. That will tell us what medication to prescribe, and how long recovery might be. Then we will do some brain scans, just to be sure that everything is in working order, though there should be no problems there, seeing as though she's awake and talking to us Even so, you can never be too careful." She smiled again, and I stood up, kissed Jayme lightly on her forehead, and walked out of the room.

I could see that Embry was already half way down the hall, almost to the waiting room. Jacob walked beside me, matching his steady pace with mine. He was silent. It was awkward walking quietly together like this.

"Leah, say something before I kill myself," he said quietly.

"I have nothing to say to you," I said bluntly, not looking at him.

"Leah, I'm sorry for putting Jayme's life at risk…"

"Jacob, it's not so much that Jayme's in the hospital right now. I forgive you for that. It's the fact that you didn't listen to me. You're my best friend, Jake, and you didn't listen to what I said."

"Am I the kind of best friend you can't stay mad at for too long?" he said, quite literally batting his long lashes at me. I frowned.

"Yes," I admitted quietly, punching him in the shoulder. He smiled.

"Friends?" he asked, going in for a hug. I met him, and wrapped my arms around him. I expected him to let go of me after a couple of seconds, but he didn't. We stood in the middle of the hallway, just holding each other. Was it wrong that his strong arms around my waist felt nice? He was so warm, and it felt like I could spend forever here in his arms. All of a sudden, an electric current seemed to run through me. It started from my head, and quickly traveled to my toes, ringing off every corner of my body. I jerked away from him, the unfamiliar sensation bothering me.

"Back to the waiting room?" he suggested, looking startled. I nodded, and walked ahead of him. As he started to catch up with me, I heard him say something along the lines of _"Woah, well, that was something."_

"Did you say something?" I asked, only taking a side glance at him.

"Nope," he said quickly almost defensively, popping the "p."

"Sorry, thought you did." So he felt it too?

**Another Blackwater glimpse!! Yay! Please comment!**

**Also check out my new story, Complicated. It's in Seth's point of view after breaking dawn. It could probably be an awesome story if it had some views. Comment on it…I've worked on it for a while.**

**Anyway, here's a question for ya…**

**How do you think Jacob should find out about the whole father thing?**

**Should he be mad at Leah? Or should he accept it?**

**Should he be mad at Embry?**

**Should Leah and Nessie be friends after the transformation?**

**What do you think?**


	19. Chapter 18: Nothing's Impossible

Jayme was okay. Carlisle had told me that she was fine, but he wanted her to spend the night at the hospital, just in case something might go wrong. I quickly agreed, signed a piece of paper, and zipped out without realizing that Jake was there the whole time.

It was an awkward walk back to the waiting room. Jacob and I kept sneaking side-glances at each other through the corner of our eyes. The zinging sensation I had felt before lingered slightly, a ghost of what it had been before. Jacob once again fell silent, and I followed his lead. Embry seemed to be waiting for us by the door. I searched for Rachel and Emily, but they were nowhere to be found. _God dammit._

"Hey guys. Rachel and Emily had to run, something about the bakery for the cake…whatever. They said to tell you that they hope Jayme's okay," Embry informed us.

"Yeah, me too," I mumbled.

"They also said to catch a ride with one of us home. I would drive you, Leah, but I've got to run to Emily's place to drop Nicole and Derrick off with Sam, and I'm already late for patrol. So I guess I'll be seeing you two later." He seemed to pick up on the awkwardness, and bolted out, Nicole and Embry holding his hands. It was actually kind of cute._That's just great, Embry. Thanks a lot._

"So," Jacob said, pivoting to face me. "Should we be on our way?" I shrugged.

"I guess," I murmured, and started walking out. We walked side by side through the small parking lot and I got in the passenger seat of his car. He started up the car, and I was thankful that the car's engine made it so it wasn't completely silent. The car ride should have been ten to fifteen minutes, but because it was raining, and the roads were unusually busy, it was taking much, much, longer. That left more time for me and Jacob to talk. It also left more time for me and Jacob to sit here in silence. The silence gave me time to think everything through. Okay, so maybe I shouldn't blame Jacob fully for not understanding the peanut butter allergy. He was cut off and already stressed enough from having to take care of three kids from three loving parents. But he should have been more responsible and asked me to repeat myself once everything was in place. It wasn't his entire fault; I had to give him that. We shared the blame. But when I was talking to Embry, I realized that this shouldn't be another excuse to delay admitting to Jacob that he in fact, was the father of my baby.

"It's too quiet," Jacob said. "Say something, please. I thought I was forgiven."

"You are," I said softly.

_Leah, just do it. Just say it. It's not that hard. You're ready. You've been putting this off for months. It's time. It's not fair to you. It's not fair to him. Just do it, Leah…_

"Jacob…" _Shit._

"Yeah?" _God dammit, I'm so not ready for this._

"Well...I kinda…have something to admit here.........no one's home, and I think I'd feel more comfortable if someone was there during the storm. Do you mind staying with me?" I said it too fast to stop it.

_Two words. Epic. Fail._

"Uh...sure, I guess I have nowhere else to be, so sure."

"You don't have to," I encouraged.

"I know."

"Really," I said.

"Sure, sure."

"Jake..."

"Shut up, Leah. I'll stay with you." We both sat there for a minute, and then started cracking up. It felt so good to laugh, and I really couldn't remember how long it had been.

"Thanks, Jake. You're a really good friend," I said, grateful.

"You're not half bad, Clearwater," he said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I smiled, and so did he. I wondered if he'd think I was a good friend after I told him about the whole thing. I realized that the longer I waited, the harder telling him would be. The better friends we became, the more difficult telling him would become. So I would do it tonight, I decided. When we got to the house we'd hang out and then I'd tell him. Whatever happened, happened.

**Jacob's POV**

I pulled up to Leah's house, and both of us got out, and walked to the door with her. She searched her pockets for a key, and finally dug it out of the back pocket of her jeans. As she did this I watched her. Her dark wash jeans hugged her hips, and encased her toned legs perfectly. Her white v-neck long sleeved shirt only hinted at the curves of her torso, and showed a centimeter of copper skin before her jeans began. Her long dark hair waved slightly down her back, and framed her face. Her dark brown eyes were bright, expressive, and framed with dark lashes, and her full lips were pink and pouty. She was beautiful. I hadn't really noticed before.

"You're really beautiful, you know that?" I asked her before I could really think about what I was doing. She stared at me, a blush doing strange things to her copper skin. She tried to hide her reddening face. It was one of the most adorable things I'd ever seen a woman do. At this point we were in the house, standing in her living room.

"Shut up, Jake," she said, smiling through her embarrassment.

"I mean it," I said earnestly.

"Thanks." She said, sinking down onto the couch. I crossed the room and sat a comfortable distance away from her on the couch. A crack of thunder sounded, and Leah flinched and jumped.

"Leah, ex-werewolf, one of the strongest people I know, is scared of a thunderstorm?" she blushed again.

"I always have been, even when I was little," she admitted sheepishly.

"Know what I've always been afraid of?" Leah smiled.

"What?"

"Dolls. My sisters would torture me with them. They always creeped me out, and whenever I was in one of their rooms, I would swear they were watching me. I can't stand them." Leah laughed, but she seemed to be on edge.

"The _real_ thing I'm afraid of is being alone. I don't think I could stand it if someone else in my life left me, hurt me again. I don't know what I'll do when Jayme goes off to college."

"I've always been afraid of death. When I lost my mom, I was little, so I didn't really understand what was going on. My dad would tell me that she was gone. We had lost her. I would look around my house, looking for her, desperate to find her. My sisters would watch me do it, and cry harder and everyday when I realized that I couldn't find her, just like my father, I cried so hard. I'd find myself going from perfectly fine, to so depressed, to raging angry. I didn't understand myself, and that only frustrated me more. I was so scared…" I looked over at Leah, and realized that she was crying.

"I'm so sorry, Leah. I didn't mean to…" She raised her hand, and I knew that I was forgiven, but she didn't think she could speak.

"After my dad died…people would always tell me everything was going to be okay. What they didn't realize is that when they said that, It only made everything worse, because no matter what anyone said, it was never going to be okay. My dad is gone, and I can't get him back. I know that. I just wish he could be here now to meet Jayme, because I know he would love her. She would love him. They're so much alike. I just wish that I could speak to him one more time. To say goodbye. To say I love you."

"I know how it feels." I hadn't realized I'd wrapped my arm around her, and that she was curled to my side. "You know that I meant what I said before, when I told you that you were beautiful." She looked up at me.

"Really?" At that moment, I felt all the feelings that I had felt towards Leah before she left coming rushing back to me. And then I realized, Carlisle must have done it. He must have transformed Renesmee, because I no longer felt compelled or obligated to her anymore. I felt nothing. As I stared into Leah's eyes, I knew right then and there, that I loved her. I hugged her tightly to me. I pulled away, looking into her eyes again, and leaned towards her. Right before our lips met, she turned her head to the side, and I grazed her cheek. I understood. She wasn't ready for something like that. We were friends. Just friends. The feeling of rejection spread through my entire body, and to be honest, it hurt. Just a little, but it hurt.

She stood up.

"Do you want a drink? I'm dying of thirst. Water?" I nodded. She smiled weakly. She ran into the kitchen and returned faster than I expected with two full glasses of water in her hands. I noticed they were shaking, but I didn't say anything. She handed a glass to me, and sat down again on the couch. She took a long, slow, sip of water. Then she exploded.

"Jake, I have something to tell you," she said, talking faster than she usually did. I turned once again to look in her eyes. "I tried to tell you in the car, but the words just wouldn't come out, but I have to tell you, cause I can't keep it in anymore and everyone else knows even though I only told Seth and my mom, but somehow everybody knows and I don't know…"

"Leah, breathe," I said, concerned. She did as I said. "Now, what is it you wanted to tell me?"

"Okay, let me start over." I nodded, and watched her. "Alright, Jake. I've been working up the courage to tell you this for a really long time. But it's not fair if I keep it a secret any longer, and even now I'm stalling…" she went on and on, and I brought the glass to my lips, taking a drink. She continued to talk, but it was just a buzzing in my ear. I was still drinking when she said the three words that changed my life. "Jayme's your daughter." She stopped talking immediately. I dropped the ice cold glass, and it shattered on the floor, Water spilled down my shirt, and all over the couch, and Leah. I was choking on the ice cube, and when I finally swallowed it I managed just one sentence.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't make me repeat myself, Jake," she whispered, obviously hurt.

That's when I bolted out the door before I could say anything to make everything worse. The words just didn't make sense. Leah called my name, but I ignored her, and tore out the door, nearly tearing it off the hinges. I sprinted towards the beach, even though it was raining. I ripped my shirt off, and stood as the rain pelted me.

Me? A father? Was that possible?

As Jayme's overwhelmingly adoreable face popped into my head, I knew my answer. Yes, yes it was.

**So there you go. Jake finally knows that Jayme's his daughter. So would all of you stop complaining?!! Haha, just kidding. Don't stop, I love it. Anyhoo, things get pretty interesting from here.**

**Check out my new story, Complicated. It hasn't gotten much love, and I really worked on it, so PLEASE CHEC K IT OUT!**

**REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	20. Chapter 19: Do I Have To Call A Doctor?

I sat on the beach, unsure what to think. What was I supposed to think? I loved Jayme; really, I did, but her father? Me..._a _father? _Her _father? I stared at the waves, and tried to find some peace in the crashing tide, but there was nothing. My mind raced, my heart beat fast, there was a roaring in my ears, and I was shaking. It wasn't that I was going to phase, though that may have contributed to it. The deadly mix of emotions was bubbling over, and I was losing it. Tears streamed down my face, and sobs ripped through my chest. I'd never felt more vulnerable in my life. I got to my feet, still unsure of what I was supposed to do. I let my head fall backward, trying to make the tears fall back into my head. My hands clenched at my side, and a scream slipped through my teeth. It was the most agonizing, heart-felt, tear-jerking sound I had ever made. It was broken in so many places, sobs interrupting it.

I tore out of there, heading towards the woods, looking for the release that my body was begging for. I shot through the woods, slowing down slightly as I got to the cliffs, wondering if a short cliff-dive was the adrenaline rush I was looking for. I shook my head angrily, and set back towards the wood. Jumping off a cliff would never be enough-for anything I could attempt. Once I was deep enough into the woods, I let the monster within me take over. The familiar shudder that flowed down my spine, the waves of heat that traveled up and down my body, and the tingling sensation as I transformed into something else entirely. The second I was a wolf, I howl erupted from me, heart-wrenching, echoing off the trees, and what seemed like an hour long. I hoped all of La Push could hear it. I hoped the whole world could hear it. Most of all, I hoped _Leah_ could hear it. I hoped Leah could hear what she had just done to me.

Leah's P.O.V.

I sat there on the couch for a long time after Jacob left. I felt an odd sense of relief. I'd told Jacob what he needed to know. It was all out in the open now, and after the wave a relief passed, I didn't feel any better. If anything, I felt even more vulnerable. My whole future depended on him now. What he wanted from me, from Jayme. It startled me when I heard a howl sound, echoing off the trees and the buildings, a sound not too far away. I knew exactly where, what, when, why, and who that howl came from. It hand the same husky tone layered to it. Another wolf joined in, and this time, it was right behind the house. I recognized the second howl too, a younger voice, a homey voice…seconds later, Seth came through the door, looking distraught.

"Jacob's her father," he said angrily, glaring at me. It wasn't a question.

"You didn't know?" I asked from the couch, scrunching my eyebrows together.

"Um, no! You never told me that!" he said, his voice getting louder. I didn't? I racked my brain, trying to remember telling Seth, but I couldn't come up with anything. I thought he knew...or at least figured it out.

"Sorry, I thought you did," I said quietly, shrugging. Seth walked forward, and it seemed like he had to stop himself from hurting me. That was odd, Seth usually didn't have a temper……...only when he was hiding something.

"What's bothering you? You only get temperamental when you keep a secret," I said, suspicious, standing up. I'd forgotten how tall he was now, and I had to look up to look into his eyes. He didn't answer me. "Seth!?"

He opened his mouth as if to say something, but shut it closed again with an audible snap. "It's nothing," he grumbled. He sprinted up the stairs, and slammed his bedroom door, shaking the entire house. I stood there in total shock. Seth never got worked up over anything. Unless he was holding something inside, something big that he was afraid to tell anyone, did he ever lose it. I brushed it off. _He's a good kid. He'll come around. He'll tell me when he's ready._

Next to come through the door was my mom, Charlie on her arm; she was giggling a goofy laugh until she saw me. The dazed grin faded quickly. She looked around then, as if forgetting her boyfriend was here.

"Where's Jayme?" she asked, concerned.

"The hospital," I said coolly.

"WHAT!?" my mother shrieked.

"Yeah, I let Jacob babysit, and he gave her peanut butter. I told him she was allergic, but he didn't listen to me, him being the father and all……," I trailed off, noticing Charlie for the first time since this conversation started. His face was alarmed. I ignored him again "I told him tonight, though. He ran away like a scared puppy. No pun intended." I chuckled darkly to myself. My mom looked disapprovingly at me, and Charlie had his eyebrows scrunched together.

"Where's Seth?" she asked, exasperated now.

"In his room. He's all worked up about something." Mom raised an eyebrow, asking me what was wrong with him. I shrugged.

"It wasn't me," I said defensively. Charlie just stood there, once again, looking terribly lost. "He'll come around. He always does." My mother narrowed her eyes.

"Leah…"

"I'm going to turn in for the night. You two have a…fabulous evening. Night," I said, laughing humorlessly to myself as I climbed the stairs. I walked into my room, and closed the door. I got into my pajamas, and lay down on my bed. I heard Seth's obnoxious snoring from the next room, and smiled. Things would be alright by tomorrow. He was just overworked. Poor kid always seemed to be on patrol; he never seemed to get his fair share of sleep. I sighed, and turned off the light, wishing that my rest would be as peaceful, painless, and deep as my snoring brother.

Jacob's P.O.V.

When I finally got up the nerve to face my father at home, I was still debating whether or not to go home, or visit the Cullens. But going home seemed slightly…or not…more important. I opened the door to my sister and Paul making out on my couch.

"Ugh, don't you two have a house of your own?" I groaned. They quite literally tore themselves away from each other, laughing, and looked at me. Once they saw my face, Rachel, always the protective sister, looked concerned. Paul, always unbelievably unobservant, just said this.

"What's up your ass?" he asked blatantly amused. Rachel glared at him. I ignored her.

"You wanna know what's up my ass, Paul? The fact that I just found out that I have a daughter…" I said choking up again. Paul's joking expression faded instantly. He tried to find words, but he was too stupid to know what to say.

"She finally told you?" They said in unison. I could practically feel my eyes bugging out of my head. They knew? They knew and I didn't? Oh, Leah was going to get it the next time I saw her. I tried to fight off the shaking that was running down my spine, but I couldn't help it. I saw Paul's grip tighten on Rachel, but I ignored it. I wasn't going to phase. I didn't need anyone reading my mind right now. It was too crazy.

"Jake, if it makes you feel any better, she didn't tell us. We figured it out by ourselves. Leah made us swear not to tell you-not to tell anyone." This was the worst pep talk ever.

"Rachel, it doesn't make me feel any better," I growled, and Paul leaned even closer, protecting her. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, give it up, Paul. It's my sister, god dammit!" He growled at me, but didn't say anything, he just held her tighter. I turned back to Rachel. "Who else knows?" I demanded, walking closer to her and sitting on the chair next to the couch.

"Well, we know, and then Sue, I assume Seth and Charlie, Embry, Emily, Sam, Jared, Quil, the Cullens know too…" I lifted my hand, cutting her off. I raked my fingers through my hair in frustration. I finally registered the last part.

"WAIT A SECOND!! THE CULLENS KNEW I HAD A KID BEFORE I DID!! HOW THE FUCK IS THAT POSSIBLE?"

"Jake, they've got a fucking mindreader over there for god's sake…what's his name…Ed, Eddie, Edwin, Eduardo…whatever. When Leah went over there with you, Ed-somethingorother must of picked it outta her head."

_First I have a daughter, now Paul starts making sense. What is happening to the world? More importantly, what is happening to me??_

"Jake, are you happy?" Rachel asked. Her eyes shone with innocence. She seriously meant it. What a fucking retarded question.

"Rach, do I _look_ happy?" She looked at the floor and smiled.

"Jake, underneath all the confusion, and the anger, and the disbelief…yeah, you do. I think you're happy that Jayme's your daughter." I just stared at her, mouth wide open. She left the reservation to go to college so she could earn a psych degree…and this is what she gets out of it?

"What the hell is this shit you're blabbering on about?"

"Jake, Jayme's beautiful. She's smart, and funny, and witty, and surprisingly wise for a kid who's only three."

"Two, I corrected." Rachel looked at me quizzically. "She'll be three in June," I mumbled.

"Exhibit A," she whispered under her breath.

"Rachel, I think it's time for you and Paul to go home now," I said through clenched teeth. She nodded, and untangled herself from Paul, standing up. She stood in front of me and kissed the top of my head.

"Sorry, Jake. I love you."

"Yeah," I muttered. Paul slapped me on the back.

"It'll be alright, man," he said, and he actually looked like he actually felt something. I glanced up at him and nodded slightly. He hurried out behind Rachel, realizing that was the entire acknowledgement he was going to get.

"Goodnight, Jake," they called from out the door. I didn't respond. I just lay down on the couch to stop the room from spinning. It didn't work very well. I had a pounding headache, and I had that feeling where it feels like your stomach is caught in your throat. I felt like a total piece of shit. I bet a looked like one too. I sat on the couch, never wanting to ever move again, to fall asleep and never wake up. But like always, sleep seemed to evade me. It only occurred to me that it was late when my father struggled to wheel himself in the door.

"Jake!" he called. "Are you h…" he cut off when he saw me sprawled out on the couch.

"Dad, could you not yell, I kind of have a really bad headache," I asked, closing my eyes.

"Yeah, you don't look so good. Jacob, what happened?" he asked, wheeling in so his chair was right next to my face on the couch.

"Everything. And nothing. All at once…" I mumbled.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on, or just lie there mumbling about nonsense?"

"It seems like every single god damn time that I seem to be getting better, that I seem to get the smallest bit of happiness, life just hits me again and Bam! Everything is ruined…"

"Jake, do I have to call a doctor, I'm a little worried…"

"No, dad. I'm fine. I'll be fine. Sooner or later. I think." I stood up from the sofa, and staggered towards the staircase. I climbed the stairs one by one, and slammed the door to my closet-of-a-bedroom. Rachel said I could have hers; I just never really got around to moving in there.

I flopped down on the bed, hoping the roaring in my ears would quiet down so I could get some sleep. I waited for what could have been years or seconds, but the insane, dizzying feeling didn't stop. Eventually, I drifted off, and was thankful for the easiness that sleep always seemed to hold. When you sleep, you don't have to think about what's going on in reality. It was a good pain reliever, and it's exactly what I needed. When I was halfway asleep I heard my father's voice coming from downstairs.

"Hello?...Oh, hello Leah…yes, he is home…Leah, I don't think it's the best time…he's getting some much-needed rest…yes, thanks for understanding…well, have a good night Leah…"

Billy's P.O.V.

I'd spent some quality time with Sam getting filled in about pack matters, and Emily being the sweetest woman ever to have lived, cooked me the most exquisite steak I'd ever tasted. I interacted with Nicole, and Derrick, and it reminded me of when my children were small. I pictured Rebecca's face in my head and I sighed. She didn't need me anymore. I hadn't even met her husband. Who knows if I had grandkids? Rebecca had never been much of a daddy's girl. Though her mother wasn't around, and we never really had the best relationship, I still loved her, and missed her deeply. Rachel's face came next, and when Paul's face popped up next to hers, I grimaced and a shudder ran up my old, brittle spine. If anyone, Paul was the last person on my list of possible grooms for my girl, but if he made her happy, then I guess that's that. Though Paul making her happy was making me concerned about her mental health, I had to admit, the boy was a catch, and could be very charming when he wanted to. Rachel was an adult now, and she didn't need me either.

Then came Jacob. Though his mother, Lisa, and I were thrilled to have a baby boy, we both knew what it meant. He was destined to be a werewolf. There was no doubts in our mind. I was hoping that she'd be around to help him through it; she always had a way of making him see what he least wanted to see. He needed me more than he would ever care to admit. It was hard seeing my only son change so completely (in more ways than one) in just a couple of hours. I recalled the night he changed. It was a dark memory.

_It started out as a peaceful night._

_Jacob came in the door, he didn't seem as cheerful as usual, though he was whistling a tune that was horribly off-key that I didn't recognize. I speculated my only son carefully, trying to figure out what was wrong. I scanned his body, his face…nothing seemed to out of place. But somewhere in the near future, something would be. The anticipation for his first change was driving me crazy. It wasn't anticipation as much as it was nervousness, caused by not knowing what his reaction would be. Would he be angry with me for not warning him? I shuddered at the very real possibility. I just wanted him to be happy. He was my only son, and lately I'd seen minor changes in him that made a major difference. He smiled all the time. Not that he wasn't a generally happy person before; it was just that a smile was spread across his face even more often than usual. And I knew why. Well, who. _

_Bella. Bella Swan. The moment he came home from the beach and tried to casually mention that he'd met her that evening, I knew that he was smitten. He'd fallen hard for her, after just one day. He was unnaturally cheerful after that night. It was as if somebody told him that he'd met the love of his life. But, I'd later find out, that he wasn't just crushing on her. He was in love. My fifteen year old son was in love. It was an unrequited love, sure, but it was love all the same. And he was a charming kid; he'd win her over eventually. _

"_Are you okay? You look kind of strange…" I pointed out to him but trailed off when I took in his expression. He gave me a glare. For a moment he looked as if he were about to be sick, but then his face changed entirely. He looked confused as a shudder rippled up his spine. I noticed his shining forehead- he was sweating, and a deep yelp erupted from his chest. All of a sudden my son exploded._

_It seemed as if he had jumped out of his skin, and into another. It took only a split second, but there it was, not my son Jacob standing in front of me, but a gigantic, russet brown wolf in the middle of my living room. He took a step, and looked incredibly confused as the top of his head hit the ceiling. He reached out, and stared at his hand which was now a paw, his frustration obvious. He looked up at me, his eyes searing with exasperation, begging me to explain what was happening. I tried to calm him down, but his growls and snarls drowned out my voice. _

_Suddenly his head snapped up towards the door, seconds before Embry, Sam, Paul, and Jared darted through the door, shoving him outside. I could only watch as they took my son away to explain what was going on. He was going to hate me for this. _

_Paul was the last one to leave, and before he could walk out the door, he stopped, turned around, and looked at me for a long moment._

"_Don't worry about a thing, Billy. We'll take good care of your boy. Jake's a good kid; he'll be okay…in a few days," Paul assured me, shooting me a genuine smile._

"_I hope so, Paul, I hope so. Now go help your friends, I'm sure they'll need you."_

"_Goodnight Billy. Sleep easy. Everything's okay."_

_All I could do was acknowledge him with a nod. He shot me another reassuring smile, and headed out the door to follow his friends, and shut the door quietly behind him._

_Seconds later, I heard howls that screamed pure agony tearing through empty nighttime stillness, stabbing a hole through my old heart. Jacob's husky voice was distinct behind the wolf's scream of despair. I let out a few sobs of my own, mourning for my son. The adolescent part of him had been extracted him tonight. Because of this, he was forced to grow up too fast, too soon._

_And this had started out as a peaceful night._

I sighed. It was easy to see that things hadn't changed much since then. Watching my son stumble his way up to his bedroom, and slam the door behind him was something that had become routine in this house. That's all he ever did when he was home…if he was home. We hadn't had a real two-sided conversation in weeks. When Jacob came home it was usually just for a few minutes. I'd ask him questions and he'd give me brief, one word responses.

"Yeah, uh-huh, whatever, no, I dunno, good, nope, sure sure…" Then he'd usually head up to his room, fall asleep, wake up and head out before I'd even gotten out of bed. And that was if he was home, which normally wasn't the case. Even that strange conversation we'd had before was rare in length. I struggled to maneuver myself from the wheelchair and onto the couch, but when I was finally laying down, I sighed in contentment as I felt my worn out muscles relax. I was almost asleep, when the telephone rang, shrill and demanding. I sighed, and rolled to my side to reach the phone that was on the coffee table. I picked up, and sighed.

"Hello?"

"Billy? I'm sorry, this is Leah…Leah Clearwater."

"Oh, hello, Leah," I asked, my tone implying _what could you possibly want?_

"I'm sorry, Billy, I know it's late…it's just that…is Jacob home?"

"Yes, he is home."

"Can I talk to him?"

"Leah, I don't think it's the best time. He's getting some much needed rest."

"Oh, well, let him sleep…but can you tell him I called? And that he needs to call me back? It's important." I wondered for half a second what Leah would want from him.

"Yes, thanks for understanding."

"Yeah…"

"Well, have a good night, Leah."

"You too Billy, you too," she said, and then she hung up.

**Okay, so you got some Billy background in this chapter. Sorry for the slow updates. When life calls you have to answer, and life has been hogging up my line lately…hey that's good maybe I'll use that later…haha. Anyway…review it!!**


	21. Chapter 20: Back to the Future

The days dragged by slowly after Jacob left. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like a lame teenage girl, sitting by the phone and waiting for him to call. I could see people getting fed up with me. My mother being the first. Everyday she'd come downstairs and see me on the couch staring intently at the phone. She'd always shake her head in exasperation and disappointment.

"Any plans for the day?" she'd always ask, and I would always shake my head no, then go back to glaring at the phone, silently begging it to ring and for Jacob to be on the other line. No such luck. Not for days. Those days soon became a week, and I was starting to get restless. I barely set foot out of the house, afraid that if I was away too long I would miss Jacob's call. Every morning I'd call Embry, asking him if he was free to take care of Jayme for the day. He'd always accept willingly...so willingly that I could practically hear his smile through the phone. He'd pick her up and they'd go wherever for they day. Jayme would come back smiling happily, with a promise from Embry that they'd see each other tomorrow.

I knew I was driving myself crazy by not keeping busy while I waited for Jacob, but I couldn't help it. Each passing day gave me a reason that I was a terrible person. I deserved every single ounce of the pain that I was suffering. I should have told Jacob the truth the second I saw him at Emily's house. I should have done the right thing, and listened to my mother. I would've saved myself a whole lot of regret, tears, and pain. Mother always knows best. Well, every mother but me.

Ten days. It had been ten days since Jacob ran away. With every second of the ticking clock on the wall, I believed more and more that he wasn't coming back. It was just like any other evening. Jayme was with Embry, Mom was with Charlie, and Seth was...well, I didn't actually know where Seth had been disappearing to over the past two weeks, but he wasn't home. I sat on the couch, defeated. I was so close to giving up on the idea that Jacob was ever going to speak to me ever again, when the doorbell rang.

My breath hitched. I hoped it was Jake, but then again, I almost hoped it wasn't. If it was, we were going to have a long talk, and by the end of that talk, a huge number of things could change. I wasn't sure I wanted to have that discussion just yet, but I couldn't just leave the door unattended. I lifted myself off the couch, and walked toward the door. I grabbed the doorknob, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

"Leah." My whole world seemed to turn into the shape of a question mark. This was definitely not the voice I was expecting to hear. My eyes flew open, and I let the air in my lungs fly out.

"Sam?" I looked up at him, scowling. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you," he said, looking at the ground.

"You couldn't have called?" I asked.

"It didn't feel right," he admitted.

"You wanna talk, so talk. I ain't got all night." That wasn't true, but he didn't need to know that. I wasn't about to let my ex-boyfriend know just how lame I really was.

"Leah, Emily's been telling me about how you've been over the past two weeks. She's worried about you. I'm worried about you. You haven't returned any of our calls, and we haven't seen you outside the house for weeks. We see Jayme almost everyday, but we never see you. We're all really concerned, Leah. We want to know what's going on."

"What's going on in my life is none of your business anymore," I spat at him. Why should I have to tell him anything? I didn't owe him a damn thing. He had given up the right to be concerned for me years ago, when he told me that he didn't want me anymore...when he told me he wanted Emily.

"Leah, I'm worried about you," he repeated.

"Don't be. I can take care of myself, Sam. I don't need you." The words hung in the air, seeming to echo in the silence. He looked at his shoes, unsure what to say. I was getting irritated. Why did he keep coming back? Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

"Leah, why can't you just let somebody help you? Why are you so guarded?" I waited for the punchline of his joke. It didn't come. He was serious? Did he think this was funny?

"You _still _don't understand? You_ still _don't get it?" I hissed. He looked shocked. That just threw gasoline into the flames. "Sam, _you _did this! This is your fault! Do you not understand what you've done to me? Well, if you're not sure, let me explain. You ripped me apart. Tore me to shreds. Betrayed me in the worst way possible. I trusted you, Sam. I...I...I _loved_ you. I had plans for us...I had dreams...I had a future, a future that had you in it! You could have told me that you didn't want me when you changed for the first time, but no. You left me hanging. You strung me along because you didn't have the strength to tell me that you didn't love me!"

"Leah, I don't think _you_ quite understand, either," he paused, seeming to search for the right words to say. "I didn't end what we had right after I changed. I didn't tell you that I didn't love you, because I would have been lying. It would still be a lie. I love you, Leah. Just...differently. I wish you could understand that if this whole werewolf mess hadn't happened...if this imprinting thing we do didn't exist...maybe...maybe, you and I would be together. We'd be happy that way. But, unfortunately for everyone involved, it does. We can't control it. If we were meant to be together, Leah, I wouldn't have imprinted. Maybe that's just not what life has in store for us. We're probably better off this way."

"What way? You living happily ever after while I sit, watch, and cry...watching her steal what my life was supposed to be? You can't even imagine what I've been through. Don't say you can, because you just can't. After we ended, you had Emily. You loved her. I could see that. I can still see that. And she'll always be there, Sam. It's never going to change. You love her, she loves you. You're getting married in a few months. Things change, and they certainly have for us. But I can't be friends with you after what happened. I've been through too much pain on your behalf to forgive you."

He took a step closer to me, touching my arm. I flinched away from the contact, a searing memory of everything I once had, and everything I had lost.

"I wish I could have prevented this...I don't like seeing you hurting. It kills me, Leah. I hope you believe that."

"I honestly can't say that I do. Now, you have a fiancee and two kids waiting for you. Stop lingering in your past when you have a perfectly good future waiting for you. Go and live your picket-fence fairytale happily-ever-after. I shouldn't mean anything anymore."

"You do, Leah. You always have, and you always will. To me, and to Emily."

"Just go, Sam. Please."

"Goodbye, Leah. I lo-"

"Sam, please. Spare me. You're only making it worse." He nodded, and turned, running towards the forest. I watched after him until he disappeared into the shadows. I collapsed on the front porch, curling into a ball, and hugging my legs to my chest, just letting the tears fall.

I can't give an accurate time of how long I stayed on the porch, but eventually, I was all cried out. didn't move from the porch, but I jumped when someone spoke to me.

"You never fail to amaze me, Clearwater." I knew that voice. I just couldn't believe he was actually speaking to me.

"Jacob?" I asked, looking up at him. He sat down next to me on the porch, and threw his arm over my shoulders.

"I can't believe Sam said that to you. He's such an idiot..." I guess I should have been angry that he was listening to that conversation, but considering our situation, I decided it was best to choose which battles were worth fighting. If anyone, I would probably end up talking to him about it anyway.

"I think he has the best of intentions...he just needs to work on the execution." It was true. I didn't hate Sam, like I tried to make everyone believe. I honestly respected his ability to always try to do the right thing. I just hated the fact that his judgment on whatever he thought the right thing would be, was severely different from my own. There was a long silence where I couldn't even imagine what he was thinking about.

"You must hate me," he eventually said. I was shocked. That was definitely not what I was expecting to hear.

"What in the world would make you think that?" I asked.

"I ran off. I didn't even talk to you...I just disappeared for ten days with no explanations...no phone calls...nothing. I was so self-centered that I didn't even consider what you might be feeling. How nervous you must have been. I was freaking out, but so were you. I'm an idiot, Leah. I'm so sorry." wrapped my arms around Jacob's broad shoulders. He was a much better friend than I deserved. I had kept his fatherhood away from him for two years of his daughter's life, and he was blaming himself for running away when he was informed? That didn't make sense in my mind.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Jake. I, on the other hand..." Jacob cut me off before I could get into the whole speech I'd been preparing for the past few days.

"Look, we both have a hell of a lot of explaining to do, but I don't think right now is the best time. We can get the formalities out of the way whenever, but, I do have to ask one thing. Why did you not tell me, Leah?" I was expecting this question. To be honest, it was one of the easier ones to answer. My voice was weak, and the only thing that would escape my lips was a barely audible whisper.

"I didn't want to lose you."

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere," he said, and pulled me tighter into his body.

**Ok, so before you tear me to shreads (for several reasons**) **I just want to say that I am so happy to be back!**

**So what do you think of Sam's little speech? Not too fond of him? Didn't think so. Me neither. And Jacob and Leah are avoiding the pain of admitting everything out loud. And no, it's not a good idea, but that's how life works, right? Nobody's perfect.**


	22. Chapter 21: My Not So Little Brother

**...wow. Really, I'm speechless. I really expected you guys to totally forget about me and this story, and I was totally blown away by the turnout. Though I only got a few reviews :(...the amount of people who read the chapter really made my day. Plus, your ranting on Sam literally made me LOL.**

**On the other hand, I got a review that kind of concerned me. Long story short, it basically said that this story was an over-used plot that was an insult to Leah's character. I do not know who wrote this, and because they do not have an account, I was not able to contact them. But I would like all of you to know that Leah is close to if not my favorite character in the whole Twilight saga. This story's goal is nothing but to accentuate Leah's strength and will eventually show her happily ever after. And yes, though lots of people have written Leah getting pregnant, I did this because I like it, and is something I enjoy writing. I love sharing my twist on this plot. Plus, this is fanfiction. Leah is not a character that is very thoroughly explored in the book, and a lot of loose ends were left regarding what happened to her after Breaking Dawn. And again, look up the definition of FANFICTION. The whole point of fanfiction is to be able to do whatever you want with the plot, characters, etc. Don't like it? Simple solution: don't read it.**

**Whew...now that that rant is over, let's get on with the show...**

The next couple of weeks passed in a surreal blur. I just couldn't believe that it had been so easy. Everything seemed to fall into place. Jacob and I were friends again, he forgave me for keeping the secret from him, and slowly the rest of the pack re-entered my life. Of course, Jacob and I never really had the important conversation yet, but that was beside the point.

Jacob's friendship was just so natural and easy. I didn't have to pretend in front of him. I didn't have to fake a smile, or worry about if what I was saying was wrong. It was effortless and simple, unlike how Emily's friendship had become. Every time we spent time alone together, I became undeniably anxious. I was hyper-aware of everything I said and did, and I thought through my words and the context they could be taken in before I said them. I really did want to be friends with her again, or I wouldn't be trying so hard.

The only thing I could really complain about was Seth. More specifically, Seth's sudden and almost constant absence. At first, I thought nothing of it- that he was just taking on more patrols and spending more time with the pack. It wasn't until Jayme asked me why Seth was never around anymore that I really started to become concerned. If a toddler noticed, you know things are really starting to get bad. For about a week, I let things be, seeing if things would work themselves out, and if Seth would come around on his own time. No such luck. After that week, I begun investigating. I talked to Sam, Jacob, Emily, and all the members of the pack, asking if they'd noticed anything wrong with him. They all had similar answers, stating that no, nothing was really off, but yes, they had noticed that he was weirdly MIA. It was out of character for Seth to just...ditch us like this. He had always been unswervingly loyal to his role as a werewolf and the responsibilities that came with it. Sam told me that Seth was always on time for his patrols, as usual, but his mind was uncharacteristically distant and unreadable. After I heard that, I really started to worry. No one else seemed troubled by Seth's sudden personality 180. They all chalked it up to hormones. They all still saw him as a little kid. But he wasn't anymore. He was 18. He was a man. I wondered if that was what was bothering him.

I didn't really know what was wrong, but I was determined to find out. I stayed home most days, waiting for him to show up. He had to come home at some point. Most nights I fell asleep on the early side, and missed him when he came home. But this Thursday night, after three cans of Red Bull, lots of loud music, and a book of logic puzzles to keep my brain working, I was bringing out the big guns. It was ten o'clock. Jayme was already in bed, and fast asleep. I swear, the girl could sleep through an atomic bomb. The door opened slowly, and Seth slipped in, making his way quietly towards the stairs. I flipped on the lights, and his head snapped towards me on the couch, and a part of him seemed to deflate, knowing that I'd caught him.

"What, Leah?" he asked, seeming exasperated already.

"I was just wondering where you've been for the past...I don't know...three weeks?" I asked, the words coming out harsher than I meant them to. Seth rolled his eyes.

"Leah, I've just been really busy with pack stuff, alright? You're pretty paranoid."

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"You heard me. Bullshit. I know you're lying. You know you're lying. Why not just spill the beans?" I asked, getting up and walking closer to him.

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Seth, just come on. You haven't been yourself for weeks! You're never home. Jayme misses you. Mom misses you. I miss you. And I'm starting to get worried, Seth."

"Leah, I promise you, you have nothing to worry about," he said, and before I could stop him, he sprinted up the stairs, and slammed his door.

_Well, that didn't quite go as planned. _But I wasn't done with him yet. I wasn't going to let him leave all my questions unanswered. I ran up the stairs after him, opening the door to find him sitting on his bed, his head in his hands, tremors rocking down his spine. I sat down next to him.

"Seth," I said, rubbing his back soothingly. "Seth, are you okay? What's going on?" He didn't answer me for a long time, he just sat next to me, quivering in what I assumed was anger.

"I'm so sick of it! I'm so sick of being treated like a child! I'm not a child anymore!" he finally burst. So, that's what's been bothering him.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Sam is always making rules, saying its to 'protect' us. He puts Embry, Jake, Quil, Jared, Paul...all of them...he always puts them on the front lines, and always thinks to himself 'the kids will guard the reservation'. I'm always in that group. I'm not a kid! I can fight for myself! I'm just as strong as Quil and Embry! I can fight just as well as they can! Why the hell am I always pushed aside like I mean nothing!" Now I understood.

"What started this?" I asked. "Why do you suddenly feel this way?"

"There have been a couple of vampires passing through over the past few weeks. Nothing huge, they're not particularly strong, and we've been able to take them out pretty easily. It's just that...Sam has never even given me the chance to fight-ever. He's never even put me anywhere close to the vampires. I'm just as capable of taking them out as the rest of them. When are they going to start treating me like I actually belong in the pack?" Though Seth was looking alot better, he still seemed pretty angry with Sam and the rest of the pack. "Just, Leah...don't tell them about this. It's really nothing to do with you, and I'm going to handle it on my own, okay?" That worried me a bit, but I nodded. I intended on keeping my promise and doing what Seth wanted me to do, but that didn't stop me from being nervous.

Apparently, my worry was starting to show, because the next day when Jacob was over, he asked me why I looked like my dog had just died. I glared at him, the parallel was just too obvious.

"I'm really worried, Jake. About Seth I mean. I know you all think that it's nothing, but I know him better. He never acts like this-ever. He always used to come home after patrol to hang out with Jayme. He used to hang out with us, and go to bonfires and that sort of thing with the rest of the pack. Now, he just...doesn't. It's not like him, and I think something's wrong." I was surprised...and pissed when Jacob just laughed at me. Seth was right- they really did push him around.

"Leah, I think you're reading too much into this. Seth is just fine. He's just...growing up. What do you think he's doing? Getting into drugs? Drinking his brains out? Leah, come on. Seth's smart enough not to do that. He knows that it's dangerous, and he knows that it's wrong. He's a good kid, and he knows the effect that this could have on the pack. He cares about us, and himself too much to ever do that."

I considered what Jacob was saying. Did I think that Seth was doing drugs or alcohol? No, not exactly. But was the possibility there? Of course it was. And I was enough of a mama bear to start getting protective.

I let things sit for the next couple of days. Not without difficulty, though. I just about cried when the whole pack sat at Emily's house. No one seemed to really notice, but Seth's absence was like a burning hole in my heart. It was getting to the point where I couldn't take not knowing anymore.

"Dinner's ready!" Emily called from the kitchen. It was almost funny how all 16 pairs of ears perked up at the sound of food. They all filed into Emily's small dining room and crowded around the table, waiting for Emily to feed them. I reluctantly followed, and took a seat between Jacob and Embry.

We were halfway through the meal when Jacob acknowledged my presence.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear. "You've been quiet all night. You're not still worried about Seth, are you?" I looked up at him, and he gave me a meaningful look. "We talked about this," he continued. "He's absolutely fine. We'd know if something was up."

"Then where is he?" I asked, and it must've come out louder than I meant it to. Everyone at the table turned and looked at me, looking at my face as if I had finally lost it. It was time. If Seth wasn't going to deal with this now...then I was taking over.

"You all can't tell me you haven't noticed that Seth hasn't been around at all for almost a month? That you haven't noticed how differently he's been acting when you actually see him? Are you that blind?" I addressed them all. I had finally reached my boiling point. I'd been keeping this inside for far too long, and it was finally coming out. Sam was the first one to speak.

"Leah, I'm sure there's nothing really going on with Seth. We've all gone through a time like this..."

"Sam, Seth has been a wolf for almost five years. He's accepted what he is, and even embraced it. It's not in his character to just run away and start fighting it now. It just doesn't make sense," I wasn't letting Sam prove me wrong, because I wasn't. Something was going on. I knew my brother better than they did. "If you all know something that you're not telling me..."

Embry placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Leah, if we knew, you would know. And of course I guess we're all a little nervous, but Seth can take care of himself. The kid's always been-"

"Don't you see?" I cut him off. "That's probably why he doesn't want to hang out with you guys anymore. You still treat him like a kid, and he's not a kid. He' s an adult, and he's probably fed up with you guys pushing him to the side. He's just as if not stronger than most of you, and he's just as capable of everything you are. You're underestimating him, and he's done with being the middleman. Just...give him a shot at some vamps the next time they come through or something. Don't forget about him. He's happy to help, but now you're taking advantage of that. I don't blame him for being sick and tired of how you constantly treat him." The pack looked stunned, then guilty. Sam most of all.

"Leah, I didn't even consider Seth's feelings about this. I'll talk to him...when he comes home," he mumbled.

"No, Sam. You can't just apologize. You have to do something to show him that he's just as much as a part of this pack as you are."

"Leah, I'm just trying to protect him. I choose my fighters based on their chances of surviving-"

"Seth would be just fine! He's been training to fight vampires ever since he changed. He's ready..."

"Leah...I don't think you understand..." I absolutely hated it when he told me that. I snarled at him.

"Don't fucking tell me that I don't understand. I understand more than you think, you-" Jacob grabbed my arm, and I noticed the soft look in his eye. It worried me. A lot.

"Leah, I don't think Seth told you..." Jacob trailed off, looking at Sam as if asking for permission.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I hissed, impatient now.

"Leah, while you were gone...Seth sorta...got bitten. By a vampire."

**So this chapter was really all about Seth. I just love him so much! Thanks for the reviews guys. Keep them coming to feed my addiction ;)**


	23. Chapter 22: She's My Little Girl

_**"Leah, while you were gone...Seth sorta...got bitten. By a vampire."**_

I can't tell you how long it was before I could find the words to speak, let alone actually force sound to come out of my throat. After Jacob said this, my mind just shut down. I couldn't fathom anything other than the intensity of my own shock.

"Wha-...how...Seth...he...vampire...and...venom...but...he's...what?" I could stutter out only individual words. My mind wasn't in the shape to form real sentences. I was almost embarrassed at how inarticulate I'd just become.

"Leah," Sam continued. "A few months ago, Seth was on patrol by himself. He picked up a vampire's scent, and thought that he could handle it himself, so he didn't howl for any backup. He got into a pretty nasty brawl, and if Jacob hadn't found him, he probably wouldn't have made it. Seth was trying to run away, but the leech sunk its teeth into his calf and ran off. Jacob ran him over to the Cullens, and Edward ended up sucking all the venom out of his system. It was pretty close, too. Carlisle said that we were extremely lucky that Jacob thought as quickly as he did. Seth's alive, of course, but his leg really hasn't been the same since. It's more noticeable in his wolf form; you can see he has a limp. He's really not as strong as he used to be, Leah." I really had no words. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. So like the true genius that I really am, all that I uttered was:

"Oh."

"That's why I haven't had him out on the front lines of an attack since. The vampire would notice his limp, and would automatically go for the weakest target. I place him where he is to protect him." Wow.

"I-I'm sorry," I said quietly. "For lashing out at you guys...I didn't know..." Everyone acknowledged my apology, and I was glad they forgave me. Even as much as they all get under my nerves, they're my family. There's no denying that if I didn't have them in my life, things would be much worse. Pack life, in the long run wasn't so bad. You were guaranteed a home, and it was nice to have somewhere to go back to- a home base of sorts. And the fact that they all still accepted me- to a point- after all I'd said and done, after I'd tortured them with my miserable thoughts, after my unexplained disappearance, after I wasn't even a wolf anymore...not many people have the kind of friends that would take them back so completely. I was so lucky that I did. I wasn't sure that I deserved it, but I did.

I glanced at the clock, and sighed.

"I guess we should be heading home..."

"NO!" I heard a shrill shriek from the other room, growing louder as Jayme charged in. "I don' want to leave!" I internally groaned. I really didn't want the pack to witness one of Jayme's temper tantrums. They really weren't something that a mother was entirely proud of.

"Hey, JayJay, its time to go home with mommy," Jake coaxed, walking over to her, but before he could bend down, she ran away, and ended up in Embry's lap. He smiled down at her, and my heart melted slightly.

"Jay...we can come see everyone tomorrow, but it's time to go home and see Grandma!" Jayme crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head defiantly.

"What if Jayme slept over my house tonight?" Embry hesitantly asked.

"Yes!" Jayme cheered. "Please, Mommy! Please, Daddy!" Jacob and I glanced at each other. He shrugged, indifferent, and I guess I should follow suit. I sighed dramatically.

"Fine." Jayme didn't bother answering, just cheering and beaming up at Embry who returned her wide smile, holding his hand up for a high five. She met his hand, and giggled as she realized how much larger it was than her tiny palm. The corners of my mouth twitched upwards, remembering what Jacob had said about Embry imprinting on his daughter.

_"I can't be mad at him for it. You have to remember, I've experienced it. It's...it's like __nothing else in the world. He just wants her to be happy, loved, and safe. I can't blame him for that. I can't be mad at the fact that he'd die to protect her, and he'll love her with every fiber of his being. He's one of my best friends. I know he's a good guy, and I trust him. I can't deny that he's good for her- that she'll always have someone there for her- no matter what they become in the future. I know that its ruined a lot of things for you, Leah, but imprinting- in this case at least- might be the best thing that could have happened."_

I really couldn't deny the truth of his words, looking at the two of them now. She looked so happy with him, and I couldn't deny that I wanted that for her.

"Leah, can I have a ride home?" Jacob asked, snapping me out of my reverie. I just nodded, and stood. I walked over to Embry and Jayme, and kissed my daughter on the forehead. I told her I loved her, to have fun, and that I'd come get her in the morning. Jacob kissed her cheek, and followed me out the door. I got into the driver's seat, and I knew as soon as Jacob closed his door that the talk we'd have to have would have to take place now.

We sat in the car for several moments in tense silence. I tried to come up with something that could explain everything...but there was nothing that I could say.

"Leah," he said, and I was glad that he spoke first. "I know that there are some things between us that haven't really been dealt with, but you seem to know more about the situation than I do, so can I just ask some questions?" I glanced over at him, and nodded, pulling out of Emily's driveway.

"First, um...how did you end up pregnant with my kid...cause I don't remember anything..."

"Uh, well... 'trememberitthatwellbutthat'swhathappened..." The words just poured out of my mouth, and once they started they couldn't be stopped. They weren't coherent, but at least I had said the words.

"What?"

"Jacob, we were at a pack party of some sort. I guess we both had one too many drinks and...well, you know what came next," I said quietly. The look on Jacob's face was unreadable. His expression did not betray any emotion that I could think of. "Just know that I don't remember much of it either, I just know that that's what happened..."

The silence dragged on and on.

"Jake, please, talk to me..." he smiled then, and laughed a dark chuckle. He looked up at me.

"Well, even if I don't remember losing my virginity, I guess I'm glad it's you who took it," he said, smirking. I gasped. I had taken Jacob Black's virginity? I didn't know how I felt about that.

"I'm sorry, Jake...I..."

"No, Leah. Don't apologize. At this point, I guess I'm getting used to surprises, and if anyone...I guess I'm glad that my best friend was the one who did it."

"You're making me sound like some evil seductress," I said playfully. He shrugged. There was a beat of silence, and then we both burst into uncontrollable laughter. Once we calmed ourselves down, Jacob looked serious again.

"Was it your...um, first time?" I looked away from his face, and bit my lip, staring at the steering wheel.

"No," I admitted, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Oh," he said, and the awkward silence followed again. "Was it..." he started tentatively. "Was it...him?" I glanced at him, and quickly looked away. I stared straight out the windshield, and nodded. That was the end of conversation for a good ten minutes. We finally pulled up in front of his house, and I parked the car. I sat there, waiting for Jacob to get out of the car, but he made no move to leave. Finally, he spoke.

"Thanks, Leah. For being honest with me. And for being my friend after all this shit we've been through," he said, looking in my eyes. I nodded, smiling weakly.

"Your welcome," I choked. "Goodnight, Jake." He took the hint, and got out of the car. As I drove away, I wondered what could possibly be running through his mind.

**Jacob's POV**

I settled into my new life as a father rather seamlessly. It was easier than I thought it would be. With Jayme, no effort was involved. It was simple. Easy as breathing. I didn't know why it was so easy for me to accept, but it was natural. When Jayme was in my arms...it just felt right.

Leah seemed to accept me back into her life without much thought. As our relationship progressed, it got harder and harder to tell if she only treated me the way she did because I was the father of her child, or for some other reason. It seemed as if the more time we spent together, the more complicated it became. Her mysterious feelings for me did not extinguish my feelings for her, though. It seemed like as soon as the imprint with Nessie was broken, all the feelings that had been eclipsed by my obligation to her came right back into play. That included the not-so-little crush I'd had on Leah before I'd imprinted. I'd done my best to hide these feelings from her, though. That piece of information might just ruin the fragile friendship that we'd established over the past few months. But even if she did feel the same way, I knew that there was a lot of things that Leah had to deal with before she jumped into a new relationship.

I knew from experience that longing for a girl that still had feelings for another guy that had rejected her was not the best idea. For a while I questioned my tendency to fall in love with other guys' castoffs. But soon, I gave up wondering about the workings of my screwed up mind. It was no use. The emotional attachment was already formed. What happened from here was the only thing that was to be determined.

I knew that even after all these years, Leah still hurt over Sam. She may have denied it to everyone, but I could see. The way she looked at him gave it away. I don't know if anybody else noticed, but it was there. I was sure that if by some fucked up twist of fate Sam left Emily and begged Leah to take him back, she'd say no without thinking twice. But if she could turn back the clock and keep Emily from coming to visit that fateful weekend, she would've. It wasn't because she wanted Sam back, exactly, but because it would save her the pain that she'd eventually feel. She had some serious emotional baggage to deal with before she could completely move on. Before she could be with me.

No.

I'd let her move on with her life first. For her emotional well-being, I'd wait as long as it took for her to feel okay again. However long that may be.

"Hello?" Sue's voice came over the other line of the telephone.

"Hey, Sue. It' Jacob. Is Leah there?"

"Actually, she went back to Seattle for the day. She's meeting with her landlord so she can sell her apartment," Sue said. I smiled at her words. Leah was back. For good. This was the last piece of evidence I needed. Leah was selling her life in Seattle away, and coming back home.

"Oh, okay, well I was actually going to ask if I could pick Jayme up from Embry's house and spend the day with her by myself," I told her.

"Actually, Jacob, that would be great. Leah asked me to pick her up and babysit for the day, but if you could do it then I have time for...other plans." I rolled my eyes. It was almost comical how Sue and Charlie tried to keep their relationship under wraps.

"Alright, well it was nice talking to you, Sue."

"You too, Jacob. Have a great day." We both hung up, and I turned to leave.

"Jacob?" I turned to face my Dad.

"Yeah?"

"Where are you headed?" As I studied my father's face, I almost felt guilty. I'd hardly spent any time with him, even when he was sick. He was feeling and looking much better lately, but still.

"I was actually going to spend the day with Jayme," I told him, and he nodded. He had been so accepting when I'd told him the whole story about Jayme and Leah. He hadn't questioned me, but he told me that he was there to support me if I needed it. The past couple of months had made me appreciate how great of a man my dad actually was.

"Well, have fun," he said, turning his wheelchair back into the kitchen. I turned around and headed for my car. I probably drove faster than what was safe in La Push, but I hardly cared. I was going to spend the whole day with my daughter. Alone. This was the first time since the peanut butter incident that Leah had let me be alone with Jayme. She wasn't exactly _letting_ me today, but I was her father. I had rights, didn't I?

I finally made it to Embry's small green house. I actually hadn't been here in a really long time. I don't like to think that pack life has taken away from our friendship, but it definitely had decreased the amount of time we got to spend alone together. There was only Embry's beat up Honda in the driveway, so his mom wasn't home. Maybe that was for the best. I parked the car in the driveway, and hopped out, nearly sprinting to the front door.

Once I climbed up the front porch steps, I knocked four times, and waited.

"Hold on!" I heard Embry's muted voice from inside the house. When he opened the door, he seemed surprised to see me.

"Oh, hey Jake! What's up?"

"Leah sent me to pick up Jayme. Where is she?" I asked, wondering why I couldn't hear her voice, but as I searched, I heard her heart beat from not far off.

"She's just in the kitchen. We're eating breakfast," he said, opening the door for me. This was much more formal than it should have been. Embry and I hadn't been alone since I found out about Jayme, and I hadn't realized how much things had changed between us. I entered the house, and followed him to the kitchen. As soon as Jayme saw me, she smiled brightly.

"Daddy!" she sang, and I smiled at her, swooping her out of the chair, and into my arms. The combination of her infectious smile and her calling me 'daddy' undid me. There it was again. That warmth. Not really physical heat, but a sort of glowing. This inevitable feeling of total and unconditional love that ran through my body from head to toe. I looked at her, and the rest of the world faded away. I had already forgotten about Embry, who was standing just three feet away. This fatherly love had gripped me the second I had recognized it for what it was. She was my little girl, and I loved her more than words could explain.

**So there you go. Jake and Leah had good, if not awkward talk, and Jake is being all softy marshmallow for his baby girl :) Don't worry our normal Jake isn't lost, though. I wouldn't do that to you guys, partly because I hate it when writers do that, and partly because I love Jacob's personality. I know he's acting like he's imprinted again, but that will change.**

**I was reading through some old comments the other day, and a lot of you were hating on Jake for running away from Leah once she told him he was the father. And though I agree, it was a total jerk move, it was what Jake would have done. **

**Leah is going to be dealing more with Sam and Emily in the next few chapters. I know you guys are pretty vocal about your feelings about these two, but I just love to write it. I'm not too fond of them myself, but its just so fun to write. Kinda like the Volturi in the books. They're a pain in the ass, but a heck of a lot of fun to read. No? Not a good analogy? Eh, at least I tried. Okay, now I'm rambling. But there's more!**

**Guys, you know I love the reviews! I read every single one, and they all make me smile, but _Great Job, write more soon _really doesn't tell me much. I really love hearing how you guys feel about the story, what your reactions are. If I'm being a pain, I apologize, just something to think about ;)**

**Last but not least, I just finished _The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner_, and I absolutely loved it! I know I'm probably the last person on Earth to say this, but Stephenie did an amazing job...again! Oh, and I saw Eclipse the other day. It was FANTASTIC! Thank you David Slade for finally creating a respectable movie. If you haven't seen/read either of these, get out of the rock you've been living under and get to it!**

**Wow, that was a long AN. Sorry. Anyway, review it. Feed my addiction :D **


	24. Chapter 23: I Can't Live Like This

**Warning: extremely long and boring A/N ahead. Just letting you know.**

**Hey all! Thanks for the awesome feedback. Before we begin I have to send out a mini shout-out to this epic reviewer that has been with me since the very beginning- when I posted the prologue (which I'm beginning to hate, and might have to re-write). Kei Kat Jones, what can I say other than the fact that I freaking love you! I always love hearing from you, and look forward to hearing your awesomeness feedback every time I post. I am so grateful for your honesty, humor, and willingness to continue reading even when you flat out tell me in your review that you don't like one plot point or another. I'm so happy to have a reviewer like you, so please, PLEASE, stay awesome.**

**I got an inbox message this week asking if I have a story map in my head, and how long I plan for this story to be. The answer to the first question is yes and no. I have a basic idea of how the story is going to play out in the end, I just have to make the little details fit together so that we can get there. Answer to the second question? I have no idea. The story will be as long as it needs to be so that I can get all the conflicts resolved, and Jayme's future set up.**

**Also in this inbox message I got a request to write a story in Jayme's POV. If I _do _end up doing this (and I'm making no promises) it will be posted AFTER this story is complete (which we aren't really close to) nor will it be this whole story over again in a toddler's POV. Can you say boring? It would be when she grows up. Probably after the epilogue (which I just finished writing by the way :D) or a little bit before it. It would be centered on her relationship with Embry, the Cullens, her role in pack life, and other challenges that her life throws at her. **

**Last but not least, I am encouraging you guys to please review with questions about things involving this story that you are confused about. You can do this after every chapter, and I will answer them in the A/N before each new chapter. Sound good? Questions can be clarification on the plot, character stuff...anything, so get thinking.**

**Sorry if I bored you, but ON WITH THE SHOW!**

Jacob Black POV

My day with Jayme was nothing less than absolutely perfect. It wasn't anything extravagant- I took her to the beach, then drove her to an ice cream parlor in Forks- but it was exactly everything that I hoped it would be. When I drove Jayme home, I saw Leah's car in the Clearwater's driveway.

"Mommy's home!" Jayme cheered from the backseat, and I smiled at her through the rear-view mirror. I parked on the street and got out of the car, walking around to help Jayme out of the car-seat that I had dug up in the basement of my house. I took her in my arms, and carried her to the front door. I opened the door, it was unlocked, and found Leah and my sister on the couch, talking. Both smiled when they saw me with Jayme. I set her down on the floor, and she ran towards her mom, who scooped her up into a hug.

"Mommy! I had so much fun with Daddy today!" she squealed, and I smiled, knowing I'd made her happy.

"You did?" Leah asked. "What did you do?"

"He took me to the beach and we played in the water, and made sandcastles and mine was soooo much better!" Rachel and Leah laughed at that. "Then he took me to the ice cream place, and he let me get whatever I wanted!"

"Yeah, what flavor did you get?" Leah asked, smiling down at our daughter.

"I got chocolate with gummy worms!" Jayme giggled, and I saw Leah's quick disgusted expression that matched my own from earlier. I'd tried to convince her that sprinkles would taste much better, but she'd been stuck on the gummy worms. What my baby wants is what my baby gets. Rachel cleared her throat, and both Leah and I turned to look at her.

"I...uh..." she said, looking at her lap and blushing. "Well, before Jacob came in the door, I was actually building up the courage to announce something..." Leah and I glanced at each other quickly, something we seemed to do a lot these days.

"What are you talking about? Rach, are you okay? You're not...like...hurt or anything?" Leah asked, and I wondered why she sounded so frantic. Rachel laughed, and Leah seemed to relax.

"Leah, chill. I'm fine...better than fine, actually...I, uh..."

"Rach, just spit it out!" I said, walking closer to her and sitting down on the couch next to Leah. Jayme crawled from Leah's lap to Rachel's and Rachel wrapped her arms around her. Rachel then leaned down and whispered something in Jayme's ear. Of course with werewolf senses, I was sure that I hadn't misheard her, but the truth was hard to accept. Jayme's outward reaction pretty much mirrored my internal one.

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!" Jayme shouted, throwing her arms around Rachel's neck. Rachel laughed, and hugged her back. Leah just looked at her, but she was smiling so I knew that she was okay. Rachel held up her left hand, and low and behold, there sat a gold wedding band with a tiny diamond set in the middle.

"Congratulations!" Leah squealed, hugging my sister close. "When did he propose?" Rachel's face flushed, and a smile burst through her careful control.

"Last night," she said, excitement in her eyes. It was then that she seemed to notice my silence.

"Jake?" she asked, tentative. "What do you think?"

"I think you're fucking crazy for marrying that asshole," I said, having not realized my own rage at that moment. I noticed Leah's glare, and then I remembered that Jayme was still in the room. I continued without acknowledging either of them, knowing that I'd apologize to both later. "But, Rach, I'm happy for you. If he makes you happy...well...I guess that it's a good thing. Did you tell Dad?" She blushed again, and shook her head no.

"We were going to do it together, just cause he's my dad and all..." Leah and I nodded, but she seemed to be lost in thought. Fuck, I must've seriously pissed her off.

"But, Leah, there's more," Rachel said, taking Leah's hand and breaking her out of her train of thought. "I want you to be my maid of honor?" It came out sounding like a question, like she wasn't sure how Leah would react. I wasn't sure how Leah would react, either, but we were both about to find out.

"Sure, Rachel. That sounds awesome," Leah said calmly, and Rachel sighed in relief, but then her eyes got serious again.

"Leah, I don't know Emily is going to feel about this..."

"Hey, we've been friends since we were three years old. You've only known Emily for a couple years. If she doesn't understand, than it's her problem," Leah said confidently.

"Leah, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the fact that you and Emily are cousins, and you refused to be her maid of honor," Rachel pushed.

"It's different," Leah murmured. "_You_ didn't steal my boyfriend." It was quiet for a moment. In that instant, I wondered if Jayme knew about Sam. I assumed she didn't, so I expected her to be extremely confused. I looked around the room for her, but she'd vanished. I heard her humming to herself in the other room, and I instantly relaxed.

"Leah, have you and Emily ever talked about this? Ever come to an understanding? Have you ever thought about her point of view? Heard her side of the story?" Rachel questioned, and her psychology degree was instantly evident. Leah looked at the floor, and shook her head no.

"There's nothing to talk about," she whispered.

"There's plenty to talk about, and I think that it would be healthier for both of you if you just sat down and had a civil conversation about what happened in the past. I've heard you say that you two are ready to just forget about the past and move on with your lives. But Leah, it will be easier to move into the future if you come to terms with the past." Rachel had just said what I had been thinking for weeks. I hadn't had the courage to tell Leah. I hadn't had the balls to just give her the advice that would make her life easier. It seemed like the three of us sat there for a really long time, until Leah finally spoke.

"Okay," she whispered. "I'll talk to her."

Leah Clearwater POV

I couldn't believe As I drove to Emily's small house, I hoped that she would be alone. Well, mostly I just hoped that Sam wouldn't be there, though I knew that I'd have to talk to him as well if I was going to fully take into account what Rachel said. She was the one with the psychology degree. I guess she knows better than I do about this kind of thing.

As I put my car in park, and walked up the steps to the front door, my heart started beating faster. I was nervous. This talk had the power to change my relationship with Emily in so many ways. There were three main possibilities. First, it could drive us apart more than ever, it could bring us closer together, or it wouldn't do anything and the situation would reamin completely static. I wasn't sure which of the three I was hoping for, but I knew that this talk was the right thing to do, no matter what the results were. Rachel was right, I couldn't keep living my life this way.

I couldn't keep living in fear of Sam's further rejection, or in anguish over Emily's betrayal. I couldn't let myself wallow over events that had occurred so long ago. I couldn't let the feelings that Sam had ruined for me hold me back from happiness today, or the possibility of happiness in the future. I'd let him have so much control over me, and it wasn't fair to me. This all ended today. I would start with Emily, the easier of the two to deal with, and once things were settled, I'd move on and talk to Sam about our past for the last time. I was done living in shame of my past, and was ready to step into my future.

With one last deep breath, I knocked on the door, and awaited whatever the future would hold for me. Seconds later, Emily opened the door, and to my dismay, she looked happy to see me.

"Leah," she said, smiling. "I wasn't expecting you! Come in,"

"Hey, Em. Are you alone?" I asked, stepping through the doorway, and into her kitchen.

"Yes, actually. Sam took the kids out for a 'Dad's Day'," she smiled. "So, why have you graced me with your presence this fine afternoon?" she said, smiley as ever.

"Actually, Em, I'm here for a couple reasons. Rachel actually sent me to give you some news."

"Okay, well, what is the news?"

"Well, Paul proposed to her last night, and she said yes. They're engaged!" I said, and my true happiness shone through my tone. Rachel was one of my best friends on the reservation, and though I didn't care too much for Paul, I was happy that she was happy.

"Oh, that's excellent news!" Emily cried, smiling. "This is great!"

"Yeah, and Em, there's more," I said, hoping she'd catch my change in tone. This was the beginning of the hard part of this visit.

"Okay, what?" she asked, suspicious now.

"Rachel asked me to be her maid of honor..." I said, and I watched as Emily's expression shifted. She knew what was coming next. "...and I accepted." Emily stared at her hands, and didn't say anything for a long time.

"Emily, I'm really sorry if this hurts your feelings, but you have to understand how hard it would be for me to stand behind you and watch as the first love of my life vows before god and all those witnesses that he'll love you in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live. Do you see how that might be hard for me? I've known Rachel all my life and-"

"And she's never hurt you," Emily choked out. When she looked up at me, there were tears in her eyes. She shook her head, and broke eye contact.

"I'm an awful person, Leah, I'm sorry," she said, and the first tears started to fall. I didn't say anything. I didn't know what I could say that would convey the fact that I loved her, but things could never be the same.

"Leah...I never meant to hurt you...I..."

"We don't need to do this again. I've heard it already and..."

"No!" she interjected, surprising me. "You haven't heard the whole story!" I gave her a moment to collect herself before she continued. She took a deep breath, and began.

"I told him no. That's what happened when he did this to me," she said, gesturing towards her face. "I told him no. I told him that I couldn't be with him. I couldn't stand to see him because it would hurt you. He got upset. He got upset, and he did this to me..." Now I was getting pissed. So she'd told him no. She'd told him no one time, but once he was off sulking in the woods, it was okay.

"That doesn't change the fact that you're still with him!"

"Leah, can't you see? He did this. He did this to my face. No one would ever love me with this face. No one would love me...but he did. He would. He's willing to love me. If he wasn't there, I would have to die alone because no one else would ever love me with a face like this. And I couldn't bear the thought that I would be alone for the rest of my miserable days." So she was a selfish bitch and decided that stealing someone else's love, someone else's life was worth falling in love with someone who loved her because they had to?

"Leah, I'm sorry. I know that I've said that before, but it will never be enough. I never meant to take anything away from you. You were my best friend, Leah. I never wished this on you. I would never do that. But you, you're so beautiful...you could have anyone you ever wanted..."

"What if I wanted Sam, huh? Did you ever think of that? Did you ever consider that maybe Sam had already proposed to me? Did you ever think about the possibility that he was what I wanted, all I'd ever wanted? Did you ever think that we had plans, and dreams, and for a second, it seemed like everything I'd ever hoped for had a real chance of actually happening? No, you didn't. You didn't even consider the possibility that maybe I wouldn't want anyone else..." I stopped and took a deep breath, wiping away the tears on my cheeks violently. "Emily, let's face it, you _didn't_ think. You didn't think about anyone but yourself, and what path would give you the greatest chance of happiness without even sparing a second glance at how my life would turn out. And let's face it Emily, you ruined me. You were my downfall, my biggest mistake. Okay, so Sam had a big part of it. He made some pretty dumb-ass mistakes, but really, Emily, you had the final say. You could've said no. But you didn't. And because of your selfishness...well...look at me. I'm this. I'm a mess. I'm mean, and rotten, and merciless. I torture the ones I love most, and the second I feel like I might get hurt, I have no choice but to run. I can't trust anyone, especially those I'm close to, and as much as I'd like to think that I've changed since Jayme was born, I haven't. I'm still the Leah that I was two years ago. The Leah that I never wanted to be, and the monster that you've created. I've lost too much in my life to ever consider falling in love again, and it's all your fault. So now you want me to be your maid of honor, Emily, well...thanks but no thanks!" After my not-so-little speech was over, I stood there, breathing hard. My cheeks were streaked with tears, and my mind was blank. The only sound was my heavy panting and Emily's sobs.

It could have been hours before we finally broke out of our trance. The timer on the oven sounded, and Emily ran to the kitchen, and pulled out a batch of cookies. Seconds later, Sam walked in the door, followed by his two kids, Nicole and Derrick.

"Hey Leah," he said, smiling at me awkwardly. I huffed, and pushed him out of the way so I could get by. I ran to my car, new tears filling my eyes, and heard the squeak of the tires as I pulled out of their driveway. I sped away, past my house, to the highway. I wasn't sure where I was headed, but my head was too crazy to go back home. I didn't want to play it back for Jacob, or Rachel, or my Mom...or Jayme. I just couldn't face my daughter right now. I was supposed to be strong for her. I was her rock, I was her foundation. I was her lifeline. And I couldn't be any of those things right now. I knew she'd be in good hands, my mom and Jacob would take care of her. I just needed to get away. And as I watched the world passing by my windows, each mile passing faster than the last, I remembered why I'd left in the first place.

**...woah. Some serious mental crap going on, as you can see. Maybe Rachel's psychology degree will come in handy :)**

**Remember review with any questions you have about the story...plot clarification, but also about stuff not directly from the books. Ask stuff about my Leah, my Jacob...or if you want...Jayme? Any and all questions are welcome and will be answered in the next chapter's A/N.**

**Thanks for reading guys, and review to feed my sick obsession ;)**


	25. Chapter 24: Let's Get a Little Crazy

"When the world's crashing down

when I fall and hit the ground

I will turn myself around

don't you try and stop it,

I will get by,

I will survive."

-Alice, Avril Lavigne

I drove for a really long time. I had no clear destination in mind, but the mindless driving was letting me let off some steam, so I continued into wherever the road took me. It wasn't until a plane flew low overhead that I actually thought about going somewhere. It was a snap decision, but it felt right. I hadn't been spontaneous in a long time. I drove to the air port, and was instantly glad that I'd emptied my bank account while I'd been in Seattle, and the contents were currently in my wallet.

Walking through the air port was a blur. I bought my ticket, and headed through security with only my purse. When I was walking to my terminal, I pulled my cell phone out and called my-hopefully-host's number, making sure it was actually okay that I was coming to visit. She sounded surprised, but happy that I was coming. I hadn't seen her in so long. I sat in the terminal where my flight was due to start boarding in about half an hour. I decided it might be a good idea to call home, seeing as though it was nearing midnight. I dialed the number, and it rung until it went to voice mail. Sue must be at Charlie's.

"Hey, you've reached the Clearwaters- Sue," my mother said.

"Seth," Seth added.

"Leah," I laughed.

"And Jayme!" Jayme piped up.

"And we can't get to the phone right now so please leave a message after the beep," my mother finished. I smiled, remembering the day that we'd recorded it. It was a happy memory.

"Hey Mom, Seth, and Jayme," I said, my voice sounding dejected. "It's Leah. I'm okay, so don't worry. I'm not in La Push so don't go looking for me. I'll explain everything when I get home. I don't know when that might be. I'm sorry for leaving on such short notice. Take care of yourselves for me. Tell Jacob I'm sorry for leaving without telling him. I'm sorry, I just need space...time to think..." This sounded horrible. I was being irresponsible and immature, leaving my daughter and family without warning...but I needed this. I would take care of everything later. "I know you're probably upset with me for this, and I don't blame you...I just...coming home brought on some stuff that I wasn't really prepared to deal with. I just need a few days to keep my head on straight. I hope you understand. I love you all so much. Don't worry about me. I'm okay...or I will be okay. I love you." I snapped my phone shut, and sighed. It was going to be a long night.

I decided that it would be a good idea to pick up some dinner before I got on the flight. I wasn't particularly hungry, but in a few hours, I definitely would be. I found a fast food restaurant and picked up a salad and a soda. I stopped and picked up one of those stupid gossip magazine. As petty and as cookie-cutter as I found the people in Hollywood to be, I always enjoyed hearing the stupid things that Britney, Paris, and Jessica had gotten themselves into. The scandals in LA were easier to deal with than the ones that occurred at home.

When I got back to the terminal, my flight was boarding. I sighed in relief. I was really going to do this. I was going to get away for a few days to clear my head. I smiled as I handed the man my boarding pass. He scanned it and handed it back to me.

"Have a nice flight, ma'am," he said, smiling back at me. I walk through the passageway and into the plane. I greeted the staff and the pilot as they were all standing in the front of the plane. As I made my way through the aisle, trying to find my seat, I prayed for a window seat. It was a small plane, and there were only two seats on each side of the aisle. I found my seat, and sat down, smiling as I opened the window of the plane and looked out onto the runway. I glanced over to the empty seat next to me, and hoped that whoever was sitting there wasn't a complete asshole.

As if on cue, a good-looking guy about my age stopped in front of the seat. He had dark brown hair and green eyes. His skin wasn't pale, but it wasn't nearly as tan as mine. I could see a few freckles sprinkled across his nose. He looked friendly, and when he saw me, he smiled. I smiled back.

"This your seat?" I asked, gesturing to the seat beside me.

"Yeah, if my ticket is correct," he said, still smiling at me. I blushed. I actually blushed!

"You gonna sit down?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure," he said, smoothly sliding in next to me. "My name's Danny. Danny Montgomery," he added, holding his hand out for a shake.

"Leah Clearwater," I said, and his hands were really, _really_ soft. He shook my hand, but didn't let go after that. I smiled shyly, and looked down, pulling my hand away.

"So, Leah Clearwater," he said, and he spoke with such a kind tone of voice, that I just smiled at him. "What brings you to Hawaii?"

"Visiting an old friend of mine," I said honestly. "We used to be really close and I haven't seen her in a while, so...what about you?"

"I'm the best man in my buddy's wedding. He's marrying a total bitch, but whatever. We've known each other since we were in diapers, so I guess its whatever makes him happy," he shrugged, then laughed. The situation sounded oddly familiar. There was a short, comfortable silence after that. This guy was really, really nice. He was cute. He knew nothing about me, nothing about my past. I was thinking we could be friends.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a minute or two.

"Fine," I said a little to quickly. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, you look a little sad. I mean, you look worn out...is everything okay?" He asked. This complete stranger who I'd met less than five minutes ago was more concerned about me than anyone had expressed in a long time. I liked him. Liked him a lot. This was not good. I was in deep shit.

" Just...family stuff. A lot of family stuff that's been going on for a while. I just...needed to get away, you know?" I asked. He nodded, and it looked as if he actually understood.

"If you want to talk about it...I know this might sound strange, seeing as though we just met, but if you want to talk about it, I've got a long flight, nothing to do, and a very open mind," he said.

So I spilled my guts. I told him everything, and was completely honest. Well, as honest as I could be without telling him the secret that could get me in tons of trouble with the tribe...oh, and the fact that I had a daughter. I might have left that tiny detail out of my story. After I was done, I looked up at him, and blushed.

"I'm sorry, that must've been really, really, boring..."

"No," he said, cutting me off. "It wasn't. I liked hearing about it. Getting to know you. And plus, it looks like you needed that. You look ten times better already!" I smiled at him. I felt better. I really did. But I didn't think that it had anything to do with reliving my past. Over the next couple of hours, Danny and I talked about everything. And when I say, everything, I mean everything. From what our views on religion were, to what music we liked, to where we saw ourselves in twenty years. It felt so nice to know someone like this. It almost felt like Jacob's friendship...but different. Danny wasn't the father of my baby.

"So, how long are you going to be in Hawaii?" I asked, after a few hours. I was leaning on his shoulder, and he had his arm around me. The pose felt safe, comfortable.

"Two and a half weeks. I have to help set up and clean up the wedding, but I'll be there for a week and a half afterward, taking a vacation. What about you?"

"I don't really know. Coming to Hawaii was kind of a last minute decision. I don't know why I even thought of it," I admitted, laughing quietly so I wouldn't wake the other passengers.

"Well, Leah, I'm glad you did," he whispered.

"Me too," I said, yawning. After that, the world faded away as sleep eventually found me.

It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I woke sharply with a gasp. My dreams had been frightening. I couldn't remember specific details, but it included Sam, Jake, and Jayme. Decisions. So many decisions. Every where I turned, every move I made sparked a different out come. I didn't even realize that Danny was still awake, and watching me.

"Leah, you okay?" he asked, whispering.

"Yeah, just had a nightmare, that's all," I said quietly. It was then that I realized his hand was resting lightly on my waist. And that I...well, I kind of liked it. I snuggled closer to him, and fell into another dreamless sleep.

It was not long after that I woke up again. This time I awoke to Danny's gentle whispering.

"Leah, sorry to wake you, but you have to put your seat belt on. We're landing in Hawaii." I groggily nodded, and sat up, stretching my stiff muscles that were sore from the awkward positioning last night. I sat back into my seat, and buckled my seat belt. I opened the shade, and sure enough just beyond the clear blue Pacific ocean, was the island that I'd be staying on for who-knows-how-long.

As the plane finally landed on the ground, Danny pulled out his cell phone.

"Hey, Leah. Would you mind putting your number in here? Maybe we could meet up one day?" he suggested. He looked nervous. It was so cute. Danny had admitted the night before that though he'd had a number of hook-ups and flings, he'd never really been in a serious long-term relationship. I wondered what he saw in this, but I stopped that train of thought. If I started down this road, the end was inevitable. I'd over-think, and run for the hills. That was not what I wanted from a possible future boyfriend. I smiled, and nodded, taking my phone out of my pocket, and handing it to him. I entered my cell phone number under my first and last name, and handed it back to him. He placed my phone in my palm, and smiled at me as the pilot announced that we were now free to leave.

"Danny," I said, standing up. "It was great meeting you. Thank you so much for being such an awesome friend," I smiled, and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close.

"My pleasure," he said, winking. I laughed, and as we exited the plane and walked out of the terminal, we discussed making plans later in the week. I was excited to see him again, and it seemed as if he was actually into me. We parted at the baggage claim, with a promise to call or text message each other soon. That was when I heard her call my name.

"LEAH!" I turned around and saw her form approaching fast. When she was close enough, she threw herself at me, and wrapped her legs around my waist.

"BEX!" I squealed as she lowered herself from me. I stood back and looked her. Rebecca Black was even more gorgeous than I had remembered her.

"Oh my God! I can't believe you're actually here!" she squeaked, pulling me into another hug. "Leah, I missed you soooo much! Oh my gosh we're going to have so much fun! Ooh, and you get to meet Aiden!" Aiden was Becca's husband whom she had snuck off the reservation when she was eighteen to marry. She completely left her life in La Push behind and moved to Hawaii, where Aiden was born and raised. I hadn't heard much from her since. Not without missing her completely. My relationship with Rachel had nothing on my friendship with Becca. Even though they were eighteen months apart, and nearly identical, they couldn't have been more different. Rachel played by the rules, she was book-smart, reserved, and sometimes shy. She didn't go out much. She had graduated early from college, and was the biggest daddy's girl the world has ever seen. Ever since we were little, the Elders always told us to do well in school, make something of our lives, come back home to the reservation and marry Quileute. That was exactly what Rachel did. Rebecca on the other hand, was wild, outgoing, and a total rule-breaker. She loved to party, and didn't give two shits about school. Rebecca never went to college, moved away from the reservation, and never came back. I admired her so much.

"Where are your bags?" she asked, scanning the baggage claim.

"Bex, coming here was a snap decision. I didn't really bring anything," I said, unashamed. I never felt self-conscious when with Becca. We were sisters that were separated at birth...or that's what my mom always used to say when Rebecca still lived in La Push.

"No problem, that just gives us an excuse to go shopping!" Becca cheered, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me out towards the parking lot. I was glad to see that even if everything in my life seemed to be changing nowadays, the fact that Rebecca and I were truly soul sisters hadn't changed in the least. That, and the fact that these next few days were going to be completely different from what I had grown accustomed to, were the only two things in the world that I was actually sure about.

**Okay, please don't kill me*hides in the corner in the fetal position as an angry mob approaches* No, haha I'm totally kidding, but please don't be upset with me for this. Leah seems completely out of character in this chapter, but there's a reason for that- she's not exactly herself right now. In fact, she doesn't even remember who her true self is. And though it seems unlikely that Leah would be up for any kind of new relationship, especially a boyfriend, but she's not exactly in a good headspace right now. She's not thinking clearly. Going to Hawaii is _not_ a good idea, but Leah doesn't know that. She's wrongfully neglecting her responsibilities as a mother, daughter, friend, and maid of honor. But Leah has made enough mistakes already, and honestly I'm kind of tired of writing so much angst. I think she deserves to have a little fun don't you? No? Don't hate me. Please?**

**So did you like Danny? I think he's adorable. Sure, he may not be Leah's usual type (tan, muscular, half-naked, and werewolf), but he's a good guy who would treat her right. Leah's perceptive enough that she sees that. **

**And what about Rebecca? I really enjoyed writing her in this chapter. She's crazy, fun, and loves Leah for who she is- even if Leah doesn't really know who that is right now. Oh, and I'd like to remind you: Becca is HUMAN. And she's not an IMPRINT. Therefore, she has no freaking clue that werewolves or any of her tribe's legends actually exist. Keep that in mind while reading the next chapter.**

**I know this was super fast, but be thankful that I don't have a life ;) FEED MY ADDICTION. REVIEW!**


	26. Interlude: Emily Young

**A/N: I changed my pen name! AHH! So now I'm 'WolfGirl4Life'. I've always been Team Jacob...though I don't like Bella much...so I have no idea why I was ever anything having to do with vampires...moment of weakness, I guess :)**

**If you've looked at the title of this chapter, you most likely already know that it's not in Leah's point of view. It's not even in Jacob's point of view. It's in Emily's. And this will probably upset a lot of you, and I'm sorry :(, but there are things that Emily knows that she didn't get the chance to say in Chapter 24: I Can't Live Like This that I feel are very important. After rereading a bit, I realized how extremely cruel Leah was, and because of that I'm feeling quite sympathetic toward her at the moment.**

** If you hate me right now, I don't blame you.**

** Let's face it. Leah was pretty harsh, and gave Emily's confidence a thorough beating. She chewed her up and spit her out. Maybe she deserved it, maybe she didn't, but regardless, I think her side of the story needs to be told. **

** Even if you already hate the idea of Emily's point of view, I still encourage to read this chapter. It may make you as sympathetic towards her as I am. Though skipping out on this chapter will not take away from the story's initial plot, you will be missing out on some insight about Leah's character as well as Emily's. If you really have strong feelings, I can't stop you from hitting the red button at the top left corner of your browser. **

** Without further ado...let the games begin...**

I sat there in silence as each one of Leah's words sunk in and slapped me in the face. I had done this. I had broken her. I'd ruined everything. I was terrible. I was just as much a monster as she was.

_No._

I didn't really believe that. I didn't see werewolves as things to be feared, though I had enough reason to. The scars on my face were proof. I knew the pack too well to be scared. They were my family. I loved them. Especially Leah. Though I had reason enough to hate her in this moment, I didn't. I couldn't. Because I knew that every cruel acid-tongued word that came out of her mouth was the truth. The cold, hard, truth.

_Some family I am_, I thought, as Leah and I stared at each other in a tense silence. I hated silence. I hated silence because it always seemed to scream words unsaid. The words I was too self-conscious to say, and the words I was too scared to hear. As I looked at her face, I saw the things that had changed. I saw the bags under her eyes, the knots in her hair. The sharp lines of her cheek bones and the chalky undertone to her skin. She looked like a wreck. Like she hadn't slept in weeks. It was all my fault. I had to look away. I'd like to say that it was in guilt. In shame. In endless remorse. But it wasn't. I had to look away because her unfathomable beauty was beginning to make my eyes hurt.

I was trying to find words to say, words that would make up for everything that I'd done to the girl I once considered my best friend. My only friend. But as I looked up into her disapproving eyes once again, I saw that there was nothing I could say. There was nothing I could do. I'd already done enough. I'd actually done far too much.

I'd broken her beyond repair. I'd done it. It was my choice, and my choice alone that had done this. I was an idiot. No, I wasn't. I was something far, far, worse. Something too horrible, too disgusting to put a label on. That was it. I was too terrible for words.

I was grateful when the oven timer in the kitchen went off, and it was only then that I smelled the sweet aroma of chocolate chip cookies. I shouldn't be capable of making something sweet, when the things I've done are far from it. I ran away from Leah, into the kitchen. I couldn't let the cookies burn. I'd ruined far too many things in my life.

That's when I heard the door open. Sam and the kids were back. This was only going to make things worse. I loved my children, I really did. I'd always wanted to be a mother. I loved Nicole and Derrick more than my own life. But I knew Leah. Before I'd ruined her, I'd known her like the back of my hand, and I'd like to think that I still did. I knew that having my two kids in the room would just be another reminder to her of the life I'd stolen from her. The life that I'd taken. I didn't have any right to rob her of it, but at the time it seemed like I didn't have any other choice. And it was too late now to give it back.

As I heard the door swing open and slam shut, I cringed. She was walking away. Running away, screaming. I had let her get away from me without making her understand how sorry I was. Again. I then heard Sam telling the kids to go to their rooms, that he'd be there in a minute. It made me smile. In the middle of all this insanity, Sam's natural gift at being a father was something that baffled me. I remembered what he'd told me the day I'd told him I was pregnant with Nicole.

_"I'm going to be the best Daddy on the planet, I promise, Em. I'm not going to let my bastard of a father ruin me. Ruin our child. I've done a lot of things I regret in my life, but this is not going to be one of them. I'm going to make you proud, baby. I promise."_

Sam was by far one of the strongest people I knew...well with an exception of Leah. He really made a huge effort to be there for his kids. He really wanted to be the father that he'd never had. And it showed. Nicole and Derrick loved him. More than they loved me, I think. I couldn't complain, though. I loved watching him interact with them. It was one of the very best parts of my life.

I heard his footsteps behind me, but I didn't turn around. I knew he'd see from the look on my face what had happened, I didn't feel like having this conversation with him again. We'd had it so many times now, that it was becoming predictable. It seemed inevitable, though, considering all that had happened. I heard his footsteps drawing nearer to me, and I couldn't wait until he was close enough to hold me. He was close enough now that I could feel his body heat. He put his hands on my waist, and spun me around to face him.

"Hello, beautiful," he said, smiling at me. He leaned in and kissed my scarred cheek. Once, twice, three, four times. Once on every scar that he'd left. He then lifted my left hand and pulled his ring to his lips. This was the default greeting for him. And every time he looked at me I saw that flicker of regret for hurting me. For not being strong enough.

"Hey," I said, hearing the sadness in the sound of my own voice. He doesn't ask what's wrong, but I know he knows something's up. He pulls me into his arms, and I feel safe.

"You were listening?" I ask. The words are so quiet that I can barely make them out myself, so I was surprised when he confirmed it. "How much did you hear?"

"I heard enough to know how much she must have hurt you," he says, and I knew he heard every single word of her little speech. "I'm sorry this is so hard, Emily. I'm sorry..."

"She's right, though. This is all my fault. If I weren't such a selfish person, she wouldn't be hurting right now..."

"You, Emily Uley," he says, and I gasp at the sound of my new name, shocked at how good it sounds to me. "Are the least selfish person I know." His hands are around my waist, and it feels like I have to tilt my head all the way back to look into his eyes.

"You're a little biased, you know," I say, smiling tiredly. He shrugs. I laugh quietly, and that seems to please him.

"I'll put the kids to sleep, you get ready for bed. We'll talk," he said, kissing me softly on my ruined lips. I nod, and pull out of his warm embrace. It seemed as if every time I walked away from him, my core temperature dropped twenty degrees in three seconds flat. Sam kept me warm. Sam kept me safe. Sam kept me from thinking that every decision I'd ever made in my life was a mistake.

I walked to our bedroom, and changed from jeans to sweat pants and a t-shirt. I climb into bed, and curl up into a ball. The bed is too big, to cold without Sam here to fill it up. Finally, he enters the room, and it seems like seconds later he's in bed next to me, holding me. Comforting me. He wipes something wet away from my cheek. I hadn't realized I was crying.

"Everything will be alright. Someday, this will all make sense. Someday, Leah will get her happy ending, and we'll all realize that this all happened for a reason," he whispers. I don't have the heart to tell him that despite all the mythical creatures that surround us, we don't live in a fairytale.

Sam has always made it a point to always assure me of his love. Everyday, he does something to prove it to me. Weather its saying it out loud, or massaging my feet, or buying me a gift, he always has some way of showing me that he loves me. For a while, I had no idea why he felt the need to do it. I trusted him. I knew he meant it when he said it. As far as I was concerned, the words were enough. He didn't need to go to great lengths to show me. Grand gestures were not necessary. I've told him countless times to stop doing it. He has nothing to prove to me. But he never stopped. He still does it to this day. One day I just flat out asked him why he did it.

_"Oh," he said, and he sounded surprised that I asked. Like he didn't know how to answer. "Well, I just want to make sure you know that you're my number one. The one and only woman I love."_

That last part is what sealed the deal for me. The last piece of the puzzle. Because when he said it, there was a flicker in his eyes. I knew him well enough to recognize what that flicker was.

Guilt.

He was lying.

He wasn't doing these romantic gestures to remind me that he loved me. He was doing them to remind himself. Because he still loved Leah. I wasn't the only woman he loved. I may have been his number one, but by no means was I his only love.

I envy Leah for a lot of things. For instance, her beauty. Leah could model a potato sack and it would make people ask her where she got it. She was beautiful in every sense of the word. Even when she was hurting, like she obviously was tonight, she was mind-blowingly beautiful. I admired her for her strength. I'd watched her as her life had fallen apart around her, and she was still standing. And I couldn't help but admit, that if our places were reversed- if Sam had left me because he imprinted on her, she probably would have been strong enough to stay away from him. Because she was strong, and I was not.

But most of all, I envy Leah Clearwater because she is Sam's first choice.

I am secure enough in my relationship to admit that if Sam hadn't imprinted on me, he would not have spared me a second glance. Of course, after I'd decided I'd needed him to love me, it wasn't long before I fell for him, and I had a feeling he'd fallen for me too. Imprinting was an odd thing. After Sam had attacked me, I'd seen the scars on my face, and known that no one else would ever love me with this face. Sam was there, he was a good guy, and apparently he was attached to me for eternity weather I liked it or not. So I took advantage of it. I told him I needed him to love me, so he did. But when I told him that, I really didn't know him. Thank God he ended up being someone I was actually capable of loving. This mess would've been a whole lot more complicated if we couldn't stand each other.

He wrapped his arms around me, and I pulled my body closer to him, searching for his warmth. I needed it to keep me going. To remind me that I was worth something.

"Don't forget that I love you, Emily. You're all I could have asked for...all I've ever wanted. I just wish I met you first," he whispers in my ear. I don't deserve his love. I'm terrible. A monster.

"I know," I say. "But you didn't. And this is all my fault."

"Never believe that," he said, forcing me to look into his eyes. "I started this. This is my doing, not yours."

"You didn't have a choice! I had a choice and I chose to hurt her! I was selfish, and I chose to basically kill my best friend. Don't deny it, Sam. I don't regret you. I don't wish I hadn't met you because you're everything that I've ever needed. But..."

"I know what you mean," he said, kissing my hair. "Derrick is worried about you," he said quietly, not-to-subtly trying to change the subject. It worked.

"What?"

"He asked me why mommy looked so sad," he said somberly.

"What did you tell him?" I asked, my voice coming out as nothing more than an intake of air.

"I told him that mommy had an argument with Aunt Leah." He'd told him the truth. I guess that was better than any explanation he could've possibly given. What else was he going to say? Oh, well I was once in love with your Aunt, but I broke up with her to be with your mom, and now aunt Leah came over and just totally chewed your mommy out for being a selfish bitch...

Many people were confused when Sam and I had announced that I was pregnant. To be honest, neither of the pregnancies were exactly planned. The first time when I was pregnant with Nicole, I didn't know how to react. I was happy, of course, I was going to be a mother, of course I was happy. But Sam and I weren't even married yet. I wondered if the Elders would disapprove of the pregnancy. I was sure they would not force me to take such drastic measures as to get an abortion, but I wondered if Sam would get in any kind of trouble. I wasn't that knowledgeable about Quileute laws and legends, so I didn't know if this was breaking some kind of rule. I hoped with every fiber of my being that it wasn't. Sam had later assured me that everything would be fine. The elders weren't thrilled to hear it, but they were happy and congratulated him, so he assumed everything was fine. They were probably just happy that another line of werewolves were in the works.

The second time around, it was easier. Of course, this pregnancy wasn't planned either, but Sam and I had enjoyed parenthood so much that we didn't see it as much of a problem.

Naming the kids hadn't been much of a problem for us. Once Nicole was born, her name was obvious. She was named after Sam's mother, who we'd both loved and respected while she was still alive. Her loss had been very hard on Sam. She was all he'd ever had, for his father was...well...not someone he exactly looked up to. Though Nicole had never met her grandmother, both Sam and I knew that Nicolette- his mother's name- would have loved her. Derrick's name was harder to find, but the meaning was so much deeper. Sam and I had a hard time coming up with a name that we both loved and agreed on. I was just fooling around on some naming websites, joking around with Sam about naming our baby silly names. When I'd found the name Derrick, I'd thought is was going to be some stupid name, but once the page loaded, and the meaning came onto the screen, I called Sam over. Once he read it he pulled me into a kiss so passionate that I lost my train of thought. I'd forgotten what we were talking about when he'd said 'it's perfect'. Derrick means 'the power of the tribe'. Though it derives from a German origin, the name still resonated with both of us.

Sam and I hadn't started a family the conventional way, but I wasn't exactly disappointed. Besides, I had a werewolf for a husband? How much more unconventional can you get?

I don't remember falling asleep, but waking up was much different. I opened my eyes, and Sam's panicked face was the first thing I saw. The first thing I thought was about something happening to the kids. Was the house on fire? Once I was sure that everything was okay and not in flames, I gave Sam a look.

"What's so important that you have to wake me up at one in the morning?" I ask playfully, but the frown doesn't fade from Sam's face. I feel my smile fade to match his worried expression. "What is it?"

"Em...Leah's gone. She hasn't come home, and we can't find her anywhere," he said gravely. I scanned him. He was in cutoffs and nothing else. His hair was messed up, and he had dirt on his arms and legs. He'd been running. He'd been running and hadn't woken me up? But once his words sunk in, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My stomach sunk to the floor. "Everyone's here, come on," he said, holding out his hand and helping me out of bed. I don't think I registered anything that was going on around me because I was suddenly in my living room, and I didn't remember walking there. I looked up, and gasped. When Sam had said everyone, I didn't think he meant _everyone_. But Paul, Rachel, Jared, Kim, Embry, Quil, Collin, Brady, Seth, Sue, Billy, Old Quil, and Jacob...who was holding a crying Jayme- all stood before me. I knew they weren't glaring at me...but that's what it felt like. I sunk back into my misery. This was all my fault.

Sue stepped forward, and took my hands in hers. My beloved aunt; my second mother. She looked worried sick. Her eyes were bloodshot, and brimming with tears. There were deep, black, prominent bags under her eyes, and her hair was rumpled as if she'd raked her hands through it several times. I felt the tears well in my eyes, and my vision blurred. I had done this. I was the reason for this. I was more terrible than any monster. The worst kind of demon.

"Emily," Sue said, and her voice was hoarse. She coughed, and I sobbed.

"I don't know, Sue. I don't know where she went. I'm sorry. I would've stopped her if I'd known that she was going to..."

"I don't think there was anything any of us could've said would have stopped her, Emily," she said, and her voice was a whisper now. I disagreed. I looked towards Jacob and Jayme in the corner, and my heart broke even more. I was the reason this little girl was crying. I wanted to slap myself in the face. I almost asked Sue to do it for me.

"Look, guys. There's really nothing we can do here," Jacob said. He sounded authoritative. Different. Like he knew who he was and the power he held over everyone in the room. The pack dynamic was complicated now. Jacob had come back to La Push with his pack in tow after the conflict with the Italian vampires. It was hard to explain. There was two packs protecting one tribe, and even now, the atmosphere held a subdued tension. Jacob stood with Jayme in his arms, Seth, Embry, and Quil stood close behind him. Sam stood across the room with me. His pack- Jared, Paul, Collin, and Brady stood off to the side. The Elders stood in the middle, observing. Although Sam hadn't officially stepped down as alpha, Jacob still held more power over him. Sam's words were weightless to the members of Jacob's pack, though Paul, Jared, Collin, Brady, and even Sam were under the power of Jacob's command. Sam's pack still could not hear the other pack's thoughts, though Jacob and Sam had their alpha connection. It was odd, intense, and awkward. We all knew that the boys still loved each other. They were brothers, and nothing could change that. But the brothers had a significant difference in opinion that separated them. The packs mingled together. They shared patrols. Seth, Quil, Embry, and Jacob came here as often and as freely as they pleased. But in situations like this, where both whole packs were forced into the proximity of one another, the strange uneasiness was undoubtedly there.

"There's nothing we can do right now," Jacob repeated. "We should all go home, get some rest. We'll see if Leah calls by the morning. We all know Leah. We know it's not in her character to leave her family behind. Despite what she wants us to think, she loves us all, and she probably has a good reason for leaving. We just have to wait for an explanation."

"So you're saying we do nothing!" Sam exploded next to me. "You're saying let her just leave like this. She left without a trace, Jacob. She left her daughter with you with no excuse...and you're just going to tell us to do absolutely nothing?" Sam was furious. I grabbed his arm, hoping to calm him down, but it didn't work. He looked down and glanced at me for an instant, then stared back up at Jacob.

"Sam, what do you want to do? Send out search parties? She left by car. There's no way in hell we're going to be able to trace her scent. She's probably too far away now to bother looking for her. And it's not like this is permanent, Sam. She's going to come back. She loves her family, and in reality, Jayme too much to just leave her here. She's coming back."

"How do you know?" Sam hissed. "What if you don't know her as well as you think you do?"

"Wanna make a bet?" Jacob snarled, giving Jayme to Seth. Jayme's eyes were filled with tears again. Not from fear for her mother, like before, but fear for her father, now too. I tensed.

"Stop," Billy Black said, and his tone was laced with deep-rooted influence. Every head in the room turned to look at him. Old Billy Black, crippled and weak in his wheel chair, had more power than any wolf in the room. The air was filled with his authority. It seemed to bounce of the walls and consume every inch of breathable air. The air seemed heavy, thick with tension.

"I think, in this case, Jacob is right. There is no logical immediate action that can be taken right now. Leah has stopped transforming, therefore she is no longer tied to La Push. She is free to go and do as she pleases. However, we all know Leah well enough to know that she will come back. We just have to be patient. Now, everyone return home, get some rest, and don't worry about Leah. We all know pretty well that she is capable of taking care of herself," Billy said, laughing humorlessly. If we knew anything at all about Leah, it was that she was perfectly fine on her own.

Everyone filed out silently. Sam still stood, frozen in the position he'd been when threatening Jacob. Once everyone was gone, I turned to him.

"Things have changed," I said quietly. "You need to get used to not getting your way." Sam hung his head. Change was not easy for him.

"I guess I've been in charge so long that I just...I'm just not used to being questioned. Or being shut down...Emily, I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, chuckling, rearranging the hair that I could reach.

"Losing control...for being...this...for forcing you to have a werewolf as a husband. I've trapped you into this life. You mean the world to me, Emily. You really do. Don't forget, ever, that I love you. You deserve so much better than me, Emily, I'm sorry." I didn't know where this was coming from. Sam hadn't done anything less than I expected of him.

It was giving me whiplash, really. Having Leah basically tell me that I wasn't worth her time and effort, then having Sam tell me I meant everything to him...it was confusing.

"Thank you, Sam, but don't you forget this," I said, pulling myself closer to him. "You are all that I've ever wanted and needed in a man. For a lot of people, what they want and what they need are completely different things. For me...Sam...it's you. It's you, and it's always been you. I refuse to believe that my life could be any better without you in it. In a couple of weeks, I will become Mrs. Sam Uley, and well, that's really all I need. To know that I belong to you in every way possible before I die. So stop moping around, and saying that you have done nothing to deserve me...because in reality, it's not true. I'm not perfect, and you're not perfect. But together, when I'm with you...I feel like, maybe I'm that much closer. We've both done some pretty stupid stuff because of how we feel about each other, but that doesn't mean that we don't belong together. You and I have made mistakes...there's no getting around it, but, Sam, if making those mistakes is what led me to you, to our children, to our life ahead of us...well then, I don't regret a single moment of it." And he kissed me. He swept me into his arms and kissed me so fiercely and with so much passion and need, that my knees quite literally went weak. I would've fallen if he hadn't been holding me so close to his body.

"Emily...I...I love you. More than I could ever explain. I just...I want to be worth it. I'm trying, baby. I'm trying my hardest to be worth everything you're sacrificing for me."

"Sam, I'm not sacrificing anything! You're all I've ever known. I don't know any way to love but this. So I don't know what I'm missing, and honestly, I don't care."

"Alright," he said, kissing me again, lightly on my lips. "Well, it's been a long day. Let's get some rest." He took my hand, and led me to our bedroom. I fell asleep in his warm arms. I was happy. But I knew that things between me and Leah were far from over.

When we woke up in the morning, it was quiet. I don't think either Sam nor I knew what there was to say. When the phone rang, I jumped.

"Hello?" I said, and I wasn't sure how my voice sounded.

"Emily? It's Sue Clearwater," she said, and I almost sighed in relief.

"Oh, hey Sue. Anything from Leah?"

"Actually, that's why I'm calling. She called early this morning, but we weren't awake. I don't know where she is, but she says she's fine. She just needed time to think about things, and I guess she couldn't do it here," her voice sounded grave. Unsure. It saddened me to no end.

"I'm just glad to hear that she's safe...I'm sorry, Sue. This is my fault..."

"Don't blame yourself, Emily, sweetie. I think this is actually good for Leah- she needed a break. I don't know where, or how she's doing it, but guess this is better than nothing," she said. The words sounded wrong to me, but that didn't matter.

"Okay, well take it easy, Sue. I'm sure Leah will come home soon," I reassured, hoping my voice sounded convincing.

"I hope so, dear."

"Thanks for the call," I said, glad she didn't hate me for what I did to her daughter.

"No problem. I'll see you soon, Emily," she said. We both hung up. As bad as it sounds, I wasn't satisfied. So Leah had called home. That didn't mean she was coming back. I hated myself for thinking that about her, but I couldn't help it. She'd taken off before, why couldn't she do it again?

_Because her daughter isn't with her, idiot._

_ Right. Forgot about that._

_ Of course you did._

_ Now I'm arguing with myself?_

_ Apparently._

_ I'm going to stop now._

_ Right, you do that._

I shook my head, as if it was an etch-a-sketch, and I could shake away the thoughts I didn't like, or the mistakes I didn't want to think about or see anymore. Unfortunately, I've gotta say that it didn't work so well.

No matter what I said, no matter what I did, there was no possible way I could fix what I'd done to Leah. That mistake was done. There was nothing that could make up for what I'd done to her in the past. No matter how hard I wished for it, my life didn't have a magic rewind button where I could go back and stop myself from hurting the best friend I'd ever had. There was nothing that could be done to fix all the things that ruined our friendship. But that didn't mean we couldn't start over.

In that second, I saw how maybe, this could work. The script formed in my head. I knew exactly what I would say to her, and exactly how things could end up. And suddenly, I knew the reason why things had never been fixed. Every time that Leah and I had tried to work out our issues, it had been from her instigation. But that wasn't fair. She was the victim here. If I was the one to apologize, and didn't run my big mouth, maybe we could actually try to be friends rather than just scream at each other. In that moment, I almost believed that everything could be alright. Almost.

Because then I thought about all the reasons that Leah didn't have to forgive me. The reasons she'd want to be friends after everything I'd done. All the pain I've caused. Hers, mine, Sam's.

_Why did I have to go visit La Push five years ago?_

_ Because you're a home-wrecking whore._

_ Oh, right. Thanks for reminding me. _

_ No problem. _

I'd hurt my cousin in the worst way possible. I'd taken away the love of her life. I'd hurt her in too many ways that I didn't even want to think about. I'd made her. I'd changed her. I'd...ruined her.

I'm pretty good at several things. I can bake, I can take care of my kids, I can love and comfort Sam. But there's really only one thing I'm spectacular at. I could write a handbook on how to break Leah Clearwater. I was a pro at that.

**A/N2: Don't kill me. Please. I thought that Emily deserved to tell her side of the story. Trust me, I tried to write Leah, Bex, and Danny in Hawaii, but every time I sat down to write, I heard Emily crying in the corner of my brain.**

** I apologize, I'm a sucker for tears...but in case you were wondering the conversation went a little something like this.**

**FMCV: *sits down to write***

**Emily: *bursts out hysterically crying***

**FMCV: Why, Emily, whatever is the matter?**

**Emily: Y-you totally made everyone h-hate me! I d-d-do have my r-reasons for what I did! *blows nose noisily into a handkerchief***

**FMCV: So? Everyone already hated you. **

**Emily: You didn't h-have to r-r-rub it in. Don't you w-w-want to hear my side of the st-story?**

**FMCV: Well...no. Not exactly. Not at all, really. **

**Emily: Wh-why?**

**FMCV: Because I hate you. Just like most other people who read and review *wink* this story.**

**Emily: *cries even louder***

**FMCV: If I write your pathetic tale will you shut up and leave me alone? *grumbles incoherent profanities***

**Emily: *suddenly all the tears are gone* Sure! *walks away***

**FMCV: I fucking hate that bitch.**

**So if you're still around...sorry I'm a little hyped up on Red Bull. Again I'm sorry, but it had to be done.**

**REVIEW AND TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU FUCKING HATED IT!**


	27. Chapter 25: I'm Not Ready For This

I had forgotten how much I had really missed Rebecca Black. When we got in the car (a cherry red convertible, might I add) she turned on the radio, and we sang at the top of our lungs to old girlie pop music while we flew down the highway with the wind blowing in our hair to who-knows-where. I hadn't felt this free in years. I felt...good. I felt happy. Genuine happiness was a rare commodity in the life of Leah Clearwater, and I was willing to embrace it. This kind of happiness doesn't last. At least, not for me.

Rebecca pulled into what seemed like a strip mall, and I finally asked her.

"Bex...where are you taking me?" She seemed like she was waiting for me to ask the question, and laughed.

"Oh, Leah. Don't you know that kidnappers never tell you where they're taking you?" she asked. I burst out laughing.

"I wasn't aware you were kidnapping me," I said, getting out of the car, my voice almost unrecognizable under the squeals and peals of laughter.

"Oh, but I am, darling," Rebecca says in a voice that would've scared me if I were four years old. "Actually," she said, her voice abruptly returning to normal. "I'm taking you to a little place, I like to call BB's Closet." I furrowed my eyebrows together.

"BB's Closet?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in suspicion. "BB as in Becca Black?"

"Ooh! Aren't you a smart cookie," Rachel said, pinching my cheeks, giggling. "BB's Closet is my very own boutique where I design clothes, make them, and sell them." She was beaming with pride.

"You...you have your own clothing store?"

"Yup! My very own line too! BB's has been open for about a year, but if things keep going the way they're going I might be opening a new store in the next town over!"

"Bex, I'm so happy for you!" I said, meaning every single word.

"Yeah, well, who needs college?" she asked, and I laughed, pulling her into a hug.

"I didn't realize how much I missed you," I said, pulling back from her.

"I know," Rebecca said, squeezing my hand until I lost circulation. "Okay, well, let's go shopping. Don't bother pulling out cash on me. You know I'm not afraid to slap you." She was probably the only person on the planet. I decided that fighting with Rachel over free clothes probably wasn't worth it. I mean, come on. _Free clothes._

When we left the store, I had tried on so many different sets of clothing that it was ridiculous. As I was changing back into the clothes I'd came in, I heard my phone vibrate in my purse that I'd left outside the dressing room. I heard Becca's footsteps approach it. I didn't really care if she saw. It probably was someone from La Push. Someone I could call back later.

"Who's Danny?" I heard Rebecca ask. I buttoned my jeans and exited the dressing room. I felt myself blush as I snatched the phone away from her.

"No one," I grumbled, flipping open the phone to see that it was a text message.

_Hey! I know this is kind of soon, but I haven't been able to get you off my mind. Are you free to go out tonight? -D_

I smiled at the phone, but then frowned when I realized that seeing Danny tonight would definitely mean that I'd have to confess to Becca. One, because there was no way she was letting me off by myself without a reason, and two because I had no idea where I was.

"It's definitely not no one if he can get three different emotions out of you through a phone," Rebecca said bluntly. I laughed, and shook my head.

"He's just this guy..." I mumbled. Rachel motioned her hand to get me to spit it out. "...that I met on my flight here." I smiled at her. She just lifted one eyebrow.

"And...?"

"And...what?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Do you like him?"

"No. I hate him. I just give out my numbers to random guys that I meet on airplanes."

"Good. I thought you were going soft."

We stared at each other, trying not to laugh. I lost our little game and burst into a fit of hysterics. Bex followed soon after me. It really was good to see her again.

"So..." she said, walking slowly closer to me.

"So...what?" I asked, playing along.

"What did the message say?" she squealed. It had always been like this with Rebecca. We acted like we were 12, and neither one of us really gave a crap.

"He asked me out tonight!" I squealed back. We screamed and hugged. Rebecca pulled back and gave me a look. "What?"

"Did you ever message him back?"

"Oh, shit." Becca giggled as I began typing, and she looked over my shoulder, reading everything I wrote.

_Hey! Lucky you, I am free tonight. Problem is, I have no idea where the hell I am :). My friend is going to have to drive me. Anyway, where would we be meeting? -L_

"I like that mint green dress you were wearing. I have some heels at my house you can borrow, and if I just do your hair and makeup..." I was feeling dizzy as Rebecca described everything that she had in store for me. His response came back surprisingly fast.

_How about I pick you up? What time is good for you? -D_

"Rebecca, he wants to pick me up. About how much time is going to take you to do all this?" She smiled.

"Hmm...well, probably an hour and half to two hours, maximum. Tell him to pick you up at seven," she said, hooking her arm through mine and leading me back to the car.

_Pick me up at seven? -L_

Becca babbled the whole car ride home about hair products and lipsticks. Overall, stuff that I was entirely not interested in. Ever since changing into a werewolf, I'd pretty much given up on the whole makeup and hair thing. It was really a lost cause when you were running around as a giant wolf. Your hair got screwed up anyway, and the makeup just came off. I'd never really picked up the habits once I'd stopped phasing. So when we got to Becca's giant bathroom, it looked more like a beauty salon.

I let Becca have her way with me, and just closed my eyes as hands combed through my hair, and creams, sticks, and powders were smeared across my face. The only time I'd opened my eyes was when I texted Danny the address.

"Okay, you can look now," Rebecca said, a smile in her tone. I opened my eyes, and almost didn't recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. It was actually less dramatic than I had expected. The eye makeup consisted of dark browns and blacks, thin liquid eyeliner, and an almost obscene amount of mascara. My cheeks had a rosier tint, and my lips were coated in clear lip gloss. My hair was tousled, and pulled into a half-up half-down style, with my bangs side-swept. I wore a mint green sun dress that showed an acceptable amount of cleavage, it was shorter than what I was usually comfortable with, but it showed off my legs. The sandals that Rebecca had picked out were just flip flops that were silver beaded.

"Thank you, Bex!" I said, smiling.

"Hey, what can I say? But you do look really beautiful, Lee," we smiled and hugged for what seemed like the millionth time today. We then made our way downstairs, and I met Aiden. When Rebecca had told me that she'd married a surfer, I'd expected a stereotypical Hawaiian print shirt, 'radical, dude', kind of guy. But Aiden was the total opposite. He was wearing a white t-shirt and jean cut-offs- not so different from home. He had cropped black hair, and was pretty tan. He'd totally fit in with the pack, except that Aiden had light blue eyes. He was really good-looking, and seemed to worship the ground that Rebecca walked on.

The doorbell rang, and my heart actually picked up speed.

"Have fun," Rebecca sing-songed. "But not too much! Oh, don't forget your purse! And don't get into any trouble!"

"Alright, mom," I called, and opened the door. Danny looked great. I had to give him credit, the boy cleaned up nice. He wore a black button down short-sleeved shirt, khaki cargo shorts, and a pair of sandals.

"Wow, Leah. You look amazing," he said, and it sounded like he had the wind knocked out of him. I smirked.

"I don't even get a hello?" I asked, closing the door behind me.

"Hello," he said, and he winked. I smiled. He held out his hand, and I took it. He led me to his car, and opened the door for me. I gave him a look, and he laughed.

"What?"

"Just face it, chivalry is dead," I said playfully.

"I will always treat a lady with respect," he said, before shutting the door behind me.

"What lame pick up line book did you get that from?"

"No books. All I've learned about women, I've learned from my mom. It's just the two of us, so I've picked up a few things." So he'd lost a parent, too? I liked him a little bit more in that instant.

"What happened with your dad?" I asked, and his green eyes darkened. "If it's not too personal?"

"Leah, you told me your entire life story last night. Nothing is really too personal..." he said, trying to joke around, but he didn't look at me. He looked straight out the window, as if he were thinking about how to phrase what he was trying to say. "My parents never really got along. They always fought all the time. When I was 12, my dad told my mom that he'd had enough. He told her he didn't have a reason to stay with her anymore. So he left. I haven't heard from him since."

"I'm sorry," I said, reaching out and touching his hand. "I know how it feels...being without a dad. It sucks." He nodded in agreement. There was a difference here, though. My father hadn't left me willingly. His had. His father told his mom that he didn't have a reason to stay. His own son wasn't enough for him? I felt a sudden surge of anger ripple through me. If Jake ever did that, I swear...

"We're here!" Danny said, and his cheerful tone was back. The atmosphere instantly shifted. I smiled as he helped me out of the car.

"You seriously don't have to do that," I said, laughing. I wouldn't tell him that I loved it when he did, though.

"Yes, I do."

"No you really don't."

"Hell yeah I do."

"Why?"

"Because you like it," he said simply. My heart melted. And I know that sounds odd coming from Leah Clearwater, but it did. The fact that he knew me so well after knowing me for less than 24 hours, plus he actually cared about what I wanted.

The restaurant that Danny took me to was absolutely wonderful. The food was fantastic, and we sat outside, looking out on the ocean and the setting sun. It was a beautiful evening. Once he paid for our meals, he offered his hand to me. As we exited the restaurant, he turned and smiled at me.

"How cliché is it if I ask you if you'd like to walk on the beach with me?"

"Very, very, cliché," I said, laughing. "But I'd love to walk on the beach with you." It seemed very unlike me, but the romantic buried underneath all the baggage was swooning.

Once we got to the beach, I instantly took off my shoes and put them in my purse. I took off towards the water, getting my feet wet. Danny chased me, and caught me around the waist. I smiled up at him, and was instantly glad that he was taller than me. Shorter than Jake, of course. But then again, not many people are taller than Jake.

"I'm having an amazing time with you, Miss Clearwater," he said, and pulled my hand, signaling to walk with him. I complied, tucking my body into his side. I was having a great time, talking with him and joking around when I felt my phone vibrate in my purse. I hastily checked it, and it was Jake. I looked up at Danny apologetically.

"I'm sorry, this is a really important call," I said. He shrugged, and motioned for me to go ahead. I smiled gratefully, and flipped open my phone, walking a few paces away from the tide.

"Hello?"

"Leah!"

"Jake?"

"Oh my God! Are you okay? Where are you? Why did you leave? What's going on..."

"Jake, calm down, please," I said laughing slightly. "I'm fine."

"You had everyone worried sick, Lee. Especially Jayme. She was crying for hours," he said gravely. I winced.

"I'm sorry, I left Jake. I really am...I just...I need a break. I need some space to clear my head and think about things logically..."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know if I want to tell you," I giggled. "It's kinda fun!"

"Leah, it's not funny..." suddenly, in the background I heard a voice.

"Daddy! I want to talk to Mommy!" I gasped. Jayme was with him.

"Jake, put Jayme on the phone." I heard the phone shifting, and then I heard it settle.

"Momma!" Jayme said, and her small voice was laced with worry. "Momma, where are you?"

"JayJay, I'm right here. It's okay. I'm going to be away for a few days, okay? But I'll be back soon. You can spend time with Daddy until I get back, alright?" I assured her. It killed me, hearing her voice, knowing that I couldn't hold her, that I couldn't comfort her.

"Okay," she grumbled.

"Take care of Daddy, and Grandma, and Seth for me, okay?"

"Okay, Momma. Come back soon, though. Don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, JayJay. I'll be back before you know it."

"Okay...you promise?"

"I promise."

"Pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear," I confirmed. God, she was spending way too much time with Seth. "I love you, sweetheart. I'll see you soon."

"I love you too, Momma."

"Bye, babygirl."

"Bye." She hung up, and I snapped the phone closed. I was an idiot. I shouldn't have left.

"Everything okay?" Danny asked tentatively when he saw my expression. He approached, and sat on the beach next to me, throwing his arm over my shoulders. It wasn't as comforting as it was before.

"Not really," I said, shaking my head, and looking up at him. "Look, Danny. I really, really like you. And you're a really awesome guy and an even better friend, but...I'm really not in the right head-space to be doing this right now. Honestly, I've done some pretty bad stuff that you don't really want to get involved with. I have some pretty heavy baggage, and I don't think it's fair if I just dump it all on you. My world...it's not a really easy place to be. I like you too much to drag you into that."

"You're not going to go into detail, are you?" he asked.

"No, I think it's better that I leave you with a somewhat decent impression of me."

"I'm sorry, Leah. That this isn't going to work out. You're a really cool girl. And I bet this Jake guy is really lucky."

"Huh?" I asked, utterly confused now.

"He's your boyfriend, right?" he asked. I snorted.

"No!" I laughed. "God no! Jake's like my brother."

"Oh, okay," Danny said. "Sorry, I just assumed..."

"You know what they say when you assume..."

"It makes an ass out of you and me?" he asked.

"I knew I liked you," I said, playfully punching him in the arm.

**A/N: So Danny and Leah didn't work out :( Shocker, I know, right? Just in case you wondering, he brings her home and that's it. No goodnight kiss, no nothing. I was actually planning to have Leah have this huge fling with Danny, but after thinking about it, it didn't seem right. **

**So Leah never told Danny about Jayme...but don't forget about Becca. God, I just love that girl. **

**Thank you so much for sticking with me through that whole Emily thing...I promise it won't happen again...with Emily...**

**REVIEW ME! I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER IF YOU DO!**


	28. Chapter 26: Push and Pull

I stood on the beach, looking out at the setting sun's orange reflection on the waves. It was a breathtaking sight; I honestly didn't think I'd ever seen anything so beautiful. I quickly took my camera out of my pocket and snapped a picture of the sunset. I figured Jayme would like it. I'd been documenting my trip since my date with Danny, and I had several good pictures that I knew several people at home would be excited to see.

I'd been in Maui for three days now, and though I absolutely loved Hawaii and planned to visit again as soon as possible, I knew my time here was quickly coming to an end. There were people at home who needed their questions answered, and I had never been away from Jayme for this long. Her absence in my life was eating away at my heart. It was essential that I leave soon.

Before I left, I needed to tell Rebecca everything that was really going on in my life. I'd been trying to bring it up for the past couple of hours, but the timing never seemed right. It wasn't really something you could just throw into the air for conversation.

Tonight was the night. I'd leave tomorrow, and I'd take things one step at a time. But now I just had to work up the courage to actually talk to Rebecca. It was much easier said than done.

I made my way back to Becca's house, and sat on her back patio that overlooked the ocean. I sat there for several minutes running possibilities for conversation starters in my head.

_So, Rachel. Well, you see...two years ago, your brother and I got really drunk. He kinda knocked me up, and nine months later..._

I really needed to get my priorities in check.

Why was this so hard? She was my best friend. I had been able to tell her everything since I started talking. Who was I kidding? I knew exactly why I was refusing to talk to her. I didn't want to lose her. I'd lost too many people in my life, and I couldn't bear it if Rebecca was upset with me for this. As sure as I was that Becca loved me, she was fiercely protective of her younger siblings. There was nothing she wouldn't do for both Rachel and Jacob. And the fact that I had corrupted her baby brother of his virginity probably would not sit well with her.

"Hey, Lee," I heard her chirp from behind me. She sat in the chair next to me and handed me a glass of lemonade. I smiled, and accepted, taking a sip. It was delicious.

"Thanks, Bex. This is amazing. Did you make it?"

"Yup! Squeezed the lemons myself!" she said, smiling triumphantly.

We sat in a meaningless silence as we both sipped our lemonade.

"Bex, I need to talk to you," I blurted. I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore.

"You alright, Lee?"

"Yeah, fine. I just...I need to tell you something. But you have to promise me you won't get mad, and you'll let me explain before you yell at me," I said, trying to convey through a look how much this meant to me.

"I'm not going to make you any promises, Leah," she said tentatively. "What's going on?" I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and continued.

"I have a daughter. She's two years old. Her name's Jayme. And her f-father is..." I stuttered nervously. I glanced up at her, and she was looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Go on," she prodded.

"HerfatherisJake!" I spit out quickly. I didn't have the guts to look at Rebecca, who's breath had come out in an audible whoosh.

"Explain," she spoke flatly, betraying no emotion that I could detect.

"Well, we were at Paul's birthday party, and we both had way too many drinks..." I trailed off. "I think you can figure out the rest," I mumbled. We sat in an anticipatory silence.

"Well, damn," Rebecca finally spoke. "Way to go, Jacob. Guess little Jakey isn't so little anymore." My head snapped up, and I gaped at her in shock.

"You're not...mad?"

"Why would I be? It's not my life. You both made a mistake. It's just..." she looked at me. "Even intoxicated...you slept with my brother?" She smiled playfully, so I knew we were okay. I shrugged.

"You should go home and see him. He's changed a lot since he was fourteen. You probably won't even recognize him." She laughed.

"I don't think so."

"Just to visit? I know that Jacob, Rachel and your dad will really want to see you."

"Leah, my reasoning is the same as when I left. I don't want to be sucked into La Push again. I hated it then, and I'll probably hate it now. I don't plan on going back anytime soon. Honestly, probably the next time I go will be my father's funeral," she admitted. I gasped.

"How could you say that?" My voice was rising. "La Push is your home, Bex. Like it or not, it's where you were born and raised. I know you love your family more than anything else. I know you want to see them. They'd love Aiden. What are you afraid of?" I used the darkest trick in the book. Rebecca had no fear...or no fear that she would willingly admit out loud.

"Honestly," she sighed. "You know how it feels to lose a parent, Leah. The pain never really heals, to tell you the truth. Being in La Push is too much of a reminder. Plus, I'm afraid of what people will say. I'm a direct descendant of Ephraim Black, and I ran away and blew off anything they ever taught us, all to get married at eighteen years old. Don't get me wrong- I don't regret a single moment of it, but I'm trying to protect not only myself, but Aiden, my Dad, Jacob, and Rachel from all the gossip that will surely erupt if I come back home."

"You don't care what people think of you. You never have," I accuse.

"Everybody cares what people think, Leah. It's human nature."

"Well, Sam and Emily are getting married in a couple of months. I'll make sure you get an invite, just in case you change your mind," I said, slamming my glass on the table, and standing up. "I'm going to bed, so I guess I'll see you in the morning. I'm probably leaving tomorrow night. I need to get home to my daughter."

"Goodnight, Leah."

"Night," I say, going inside. I make my way to the guest bedroom, and sit down on my bed. I hated fighting with Rebecca, but I honestly thought that she was wrong. I wasn't trying to change her, just her mind.

I changed into my pajamas, and got into bed, hoping that this would all be over in the morning. I did not want to leave Hawaii on bad terms with Rebecca. No matter what, though, I was dead set on going home. I was actually excited to see everyone that would probably hate me.

Suddenly, the idea hit me that I should probably call Jacob to tell him that I would be coming home tomorrow. I got my phone out of my shorts pocket, and dialed, climbing into bed.

"Hullo?" Jacob answered.

"Hey, Jake. It's Leah."

"Leah! Hey! Where are you?"

"Um...it's more of a in-person conversation. I'll explain when I get home," I mumbled. I heard him sigh in exasperation.

"When will that be, Leah? You know, Jayme's terrified. She has no idea where you are, and she's scared you're never coming back-"

"I'm coming home tomorrow, Jake!" I snapped, unable to hear more about Jayme's pain.

"Oh, okay. Well that's good. I guess I'll see you soon, then," he said, sounding guilty.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, Jake. Good night."

"Night," he responded, and hung up the phone. I sighed, and flipped my phone shut as well, putting it on the nightstand, and settling in under the covers. Tomorrow was going to be a long day- I needed my sleep.

"You sure you got everything?" Rebecca asked, sounding sad. I nodded, and smiled at her. I picked up the duffel bag that she had lent me, full of the clothes that she had bought for me.

"You'll get the bag back when you come to visit," I nudged her playfully, but she sighed, shaking her head.

"Leah..."

"I'm just kidding around, Bex. But what I just said is the truth."

"Guess it's yours then," she frowned. I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever," I sighed. "I'm going to miss you Bex. I'll come visit as soon as I can...if you don't make it up for Sam and Emily's wedding."

"I'll miss you too, Lee. We can't go that long without seeing each other again, alright?" I shrugged. "Don't say it," she warned. I laughed.

"Bye Bex," I cried, pulling her into my arms, hugging her close to me. "I love you."

"Love you too," she whispered, squeezing me. She smiled sadly, and released me. At the same time, we turned around and she headed out the door of the airport, and I headed to the gate.

The flight had been relatively uneventful. No cute boys or life stories involved. I slept through most of the flight, and walked through the airport and to my car in a daze. As I passed the old, broken down 'Welcome to La Push' sign, butterflies erupted in my stomach. I didn't regret going to Hawaii. I had needed a break. A change of scenery. But I guess I could have done it better- planned it out, let people know where I was headed. I was scared everyone would be mad at me for just taking off, irresponsibly leaving my daughter behind, and taking for granted that Jacob, Seth, Embry, and my mother would take care of her.

I pulled into the driveway, got my bag, and headed in through the back door. As I entered the kitchen, I heard my mother's voice.

"Mom?" I called.

"Leah!"

"Lee?"

"MOMMA!"

A chorus called my name, and a stampede of footsteps bombarded me in the kitchen. As soon as my daughter came into view, tears filled my eyes. I scooped her up into my arms, and held her close to me.

"Oh, JayJay, I missed you so much," I whispered in her ear. "I love you more than anything."

"I'm glad you're back, Mommy," she said. I smiled at her, then looked up at the rest of the people in the kitchen. Seth, Jacob, and my mother were all looking at me with mixed expressions. Anger, relief, disappointment, and joy could all be found in each of their eyes. I set Jayme on her feet, and began to speak.

"I'm sorry for leaving," I murmured. "It was immature and irresponsible. But thank you for taking care of Jayme for me. I understand if you're upset with me."

"We'll talk later," my Mom said. "But for now..." she crossed the room and pulled me into her arms. "Welcome home, Sweetheart." Over the next few minutes I hugged Seth and Jacob as well, exchanging words of thanks.

"Leah, can I talk to you in private? Maybe we could head over to the beach?" Jacob asked. I shrugged.

"Sure. Can you guys take care of Jayme while I'm gone?" My mother nodded eagerly, but Seth rolled his eyes. I guess he was more upset with me than I had originally assumed. I'd take care of that later.

Jacob and I headed out the door, and we got into the car. Neither of us spoke until he turned off of my street.

"So, where did you go?" he asked. This was one of the easier questions to answer.

"Hawaii," mumbled. I let that sit in the air while he put the pieces together.

"You saw Rebecca?" he asked, sounding jealous. I guess he missed his sister more than I thought.

"Yeah. She's doing really well. Her husband, Aiden, is really sweet. She has her own clothing store. She seems really happy," I explained. He nodded sadly. "You miss her?"

"She's my sister, Leah. I haven't seen her in six years...since she took off. Of course I miss her," he said, sounding aggravated. "I'm glad she's happy though...I guess," he grumbled.

"Jake, I tried to convince her to come visit...but she just really isn't happy here. I'm sorry."

"Whatever." He got out of the car then, having arrived at the beach. It seemed we always ended up here.

I followed him out onto the sand.

"Leah, you can't do that to me ever again," he spoke through his teeth.

"I'm sorry, Jake, I-"

"Do you even know how scared I was? I thought you were never going to come back...or worse, that you had driven off a cliff or something. You weren't answering your phone, and we couldn't find you anywhere. I can't raise a daughter alone, Leah. I was so worried about you, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep..."

"Jake-"

"Just shut up and listen for a second. When Emily called me, telling me that you'd stormed off, I didn't think anything of it. But when Sue called at midnight saying you still weren't home...I searched everywhere for you. I couldn't help but think you'd done something drastic..." he shook his head, glancing at me for a second. "But I just couldn't pick up your scent. Eventually, I phased back, to take care of Jayme...but...Leah, I seriously thought you were dead. I was so terrified..."

"Why? I can take care of myself, Jake," I said, confused as to why he would be so freaked out. But before I could think too much more about it, he was all over me. He was everywhere. His lips found mine, and our mouths moved together as if in some complicated and passionate dance. The world faded away, and I found myself...enjoying it. My arms wrapped around his neck, and his hands drifted to my hips as our tongues tangled together. I couldn't stop but I didn't care. When I finally pulled away, I was confused, and hurt, and happy...all in one moment. His forehead rested against mine, and we were both panting, out of breath.

"I...I can't lose you, Leah. I'm just sorry that it took death for me to realize how much I love you," he said in a breathy, husky voice. I gasped, and closed my eyes, running away from him, and once again, leaving my heart behind.

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I've been super super busy lately, but I believe this chapter might have been worth the wait- nudge, nudge, wink, wink* So Jake finally admitted to Leah that he loves her...but obviously, Leah didn't take the news too well...**

**Review and tell me what you think! :)**


	29. Chapter 27: What Hurts the Most

"What hurts the most,

was being so close

and having so much to say

and watching you just walk away."

-What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts

Jacob Black POV

Three weeks. That's how long it's been since Leah and I had a full conversation. Or been in a room together for more than five minutes. Or interacted in any way, shape, or form. She was avoiding me. And it was the most inconvenient thing that she could ever do.

I wish she could've just told me that she didn't love me. That I would've understood. That I could've handled. But no, Leah Clearwater, ever making my life complicated, has to put me through hell. The torture of not knowing how she really feels.

Leah has always been open about her feelings towards me. In the beginning playful annoyance. It was all just a game then. When she joined my pack it was a safe camaraderie. When she came back to La Push she was my best friend. And now...

Well, now I have no fucking idea.

I guess I've always loved Leah. I knew I cared about her. But I didn't really know the magnitude of my feelings for her. I knew I thought she was beautiful. I knew I'd been crushing on her. But still.

When she'd disappeared to Hawaii- before I knew where she'd gone- I'd gone a little insane with worry. I started imagining the worst case scenario. I'd actually considered the idea that Leah may have killed herself. That's when I started thinking what I would do without her. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she was dead. It was my job as her alpha to protect her, and I'd failed. It was more than that, though. I loved her. I loved her more than anything. I didn't know why, or when, or how it had happened, but I'd fallen in love with her. And this not-quite-rejection, not-quite-acceptance was killing me. I needed to know.

I had a feeling that Leah wouldn't allow me in close proximity of her for a long time.

It seemed we always had this problem. We refused to talk about the issues between us, and let them sit there until it blew up in our faces. We never dealt with the obstacles put before us, we kind of just worked around them and kept moving. It wasn't safe, and it wasn't healthy. It needed to stop. I should've done something. I wanted to do something. But it seemed as if I'd done everything I could. I'd called, and she'd hung up on me. I'd tried to talk to her and she'd weaseled out of it. So what else was there to do?

I was in my car before I'd even really thought about going somewhere. She had to be _somewhere_ on the reservation. I tried the beach, but she wasn't there. I tried her house, but it was only Seth, saying Sue had taken Jayme out to Seattle for the day. He was sure Leah hadn't gone with them, but he had no idea where she was. Real helpful, Seth. Really.

I exited the Clearwater house, defeated. It would be hard to find her if she didn't want to be found. Something caught my attention from the woods behind the house. I ran off towards the sound of music- the strumming of a guitar.

I smelled her before I saw her. After catching her scent, it wasn't hard to pinpoint her location. She was sitting on a boulder, playing guitar. That was odd. I watched her for a few minutes. She seemed totally engrossed in the music. I slowly approached her, hoping that she would finish before she saw me.

Her ears still must have been stronger than human ears because her head whipped around. She scowled when she saw me. I chose to ignore that.

"I didn't know you played," I said.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Black," she snapped, setting the guitar down next to her. Her expression had softened, though, and she smiled seemingly to herself. "My dad taught me to play. I haven't picked up the guitar since the funeral, though. I found it in the back of my closet, so I came out here to be alone." She obviously meant something by the last comment, but I chose to ignore that too.

"Leah..."

"If you're going to say we need to talk...well...I don't want to talk to you. I have nothing to say."

"Well, I do," I said. "So just listen to me. You don't need to talk, just hear me out. I meant what I said the other day on the beach. You know me, Leah. I don't lie. And you can pretend that you didn't feel anything when I kissed you, but you and I both know that you did. You'd be lying to yourself if you said that there was nothing there. I'm here, and I'm willing to try this if you are. I love you. It might sound crazy, but I do. I can't help the way I feel about you. I'm sorry about the way I went about telling you. There were better ways to do it...I just..."

"Jacob, stop," she said, lifting her hand. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I don't love you. I do. But right now...I'm confused. I don't know how I love you...in what way...And you know that I've been hurt before, Jake. I'm trying to be everything that I need to be for Jayme, and for you...and...I know I'm not doing a good job, I just...this is me, Jake. I'm broken. I'm ruined. I've tried to fix myself, and I just can't. I'm done trying, because this is who I am now. It doesn't matter what I do," she said, her voice weakening little by little. I hated Sam for doing this to her. For hurting her. For breaking her. "Right now...I just can't be doing this. If you give me time..." Like I hadn't heard that before. This was starting to be a total repeat of Bella. This time it just hurt more. Maybe it was because I chose to love Leah. With Bella, there was never a choice. Renesmee was a part of Bella, and that's the whole reason I was attracted to her in the first place. So I was almost glad that Bella didn't choose me. We would have been happy, sure. But it's nothing compared to what I could have with Leah. If she'd only give me a chance.

But knowing Leah, she wouldn't.

And that's what hurt the most.

**A/N: I'm sorry it's so short, but this was one of those chapters where I sat down to write, and was like...'so...where the hell do I go from here?'.**

** So now you know what's going on in Jacob's head. **

** In between these two chapters, I got my 500th review. Thank you guys so much! I would never have had the inspiration to continue this story if it weren't for your never-ending support and praise. Writing is something I really enjoy and it's even better when people appreciate it. This chapter is dedicated to Kei Kat Jones, AimeexLauren, MrsBlaCKwiFe, inthehallwaywithjeans, jacobblackismineduh, liljenrocks, teeesah, and ari11990 who have been epic reviewers since the beginning. Thanks, ladies, and please stay awesome :)**

** Oh my God I'm so sorry about this chapter. I do not like it at all, but this is the best it's going to get for now. **

** So please review, even if you hate it, tell me. Don't hold back.**

** Okay...maybe hold back a little :)**


	30. Chapter 28: Bridezilla

**Leah Clearwater POV**

I watched as Jacob ran away from me, the tears falling before I could even try to hold them back. I hated lying, but I needed an excuse.

Jacob was right. I _had_ enjoyed the kiss. I had felt _something_. I just wasn't sure what the something was. Something about that kiss had made me feel safe. It made me feel like for once, I wasn't alone. It wasn't me against the world. But is that how kisses are supposed to feel? I remembered kisses leaving only feelings of passion, lust, and need. Sam's kisses had no underlying emotions besides those three. Jacob's kiss had made me feel more in those few moments than I had felt in a really long time. And to be totally honest, I wanted more.

It should be simple, right? All I had to do was say yes. Let Jacob love me, and fall into my happily ever after. It should be that easy. Because Jayme deserved a family like that.

But being me, Leah Clearwater, nothing was that simple. Happiness never came that easily. Because I was so fucking guarded. I've built up a wall to protect myself from anything and everything that had ever and had the potential to hurt me. No one came in, and no one came out. Somehow, Danny had found a secret doorway that led to my heart. It took someone really special to be able to do that. I knew that I could easily take things further with Danny. He made me happy; he knew how to make me smile. But he was too good for that. He was too good to be dragged into this world. He doesn't deserve that. So I've always been on the lookout for someone who was willing to scale the wall, and try to piece me back together.

The thing was, Jacob wasn't trying to climb over my wall that was protecting what was left of my mangled heart. Jacob was trying to break the wall down. And it became instantly obvious, that somehow, he was succeeding. The wall was slowly, little by little, crumbling down.

I wasn't still hurting over Sam. I had come to terms with that a long time ago- laid the emotions to rest. I didn't come out completely unscathed, though. My heart definitely had its scars. It would be hard to love again. I didn't want to commit to Jacob if I couldn't give him everything I had. If I couldn't love him the way he deserved.

I wasn't broken because of Sam. I don't love him the way I did before, and I understand that there was no future for me that had him in it. The only reason I was still hurting was because since Sam, and since my change, I have every reason to fully believe that love is not possible for me anymore. I was unlovable, and my inner wolf had taken that away from me.

With that, I go back to the house, not wanting to be alone in the woods anymore. Being alone didn't help make matters. I stroll slowly, the tears slowing but not coming to a stop. When I finally reach the back door, I hear Seth in the kitchen, probably rummaging through drawers, looking for something to eat. I take a deep breath and enter the kitchen, keeping my head bowed, trying to get by Seth without having to give any explanations.

"Hey, Leah!" he says brightly, and I know there's no way to get past him. I stop walking, and pause before looking up at him and smiling the best I can. "You've been crying." It wasn't a question, so I didn't respond. He walks closer to me, taking my hand. "What's wrong?" I wish I could explain to him. I wish there was a way to tell him without hurting him, so I do what I usually do.

"The usual, Seth," I say, looking at him through tired eyes. He looks confused, but he doesn't ask what I mean. I'm glad, because I wouldn't have an answer. Looking at him now, I want to smile. I hope he doesn't imprint. I don't want some insignificant little girl to take my Seth away from me. No girl would be good enough for him anyway. It was selfish, but I didn't care. Seth was my constant. The one thing I knew would never change. He was Seth, and he would love me and accept me until the day I died.

It was then that I realized that maybe I wasn't so unloved after all, because there were several types of love. Maternal love, the love I felt for Jayme, familial love, like I felt for my mother, Seth, and at times, Jacob, friendship love, like I felt for the Black sisters, platonic love, like I felt for my pack brothers- I could hope that some of those people loved me too. Maybe romantic love would never be possible for me. I guess I could be okay with that. I'd come to terms with it eventually. But it didn't matter. I had people I loved, and people that loved me, and I guess I could learn that they were all I'd really need.

|~J~*x*~L~|

"So, Leah, what do you think? Green, pink, or blue?" Rachel asked, showing me pictures of different flower arrangements.

"Rachel, your wedding is in nine months. Do you really need to pick out your flowers now?" I asked, running my hands through my hair.

"No," she snapped. "But I think picking a color scheme would be a good idea!"

"What about a venue? Shouldn't that come first?"

"I already told you, Leah. We're getting married on the beach where we met. Have you even been listening to a word I'm saying?" Rachel was whining now, her voice skipping about four octaves. Dear God.

"Yes, Rachel, I have. And I believe you're going about this in the wrong order. Shouldn't you be sending out invitations first?" Glancing at the clock, I realized we'd been having this same argument for over half an hour. It was getting the least bit ridiculous.

"Which I need the color scheme to pick out!" I sigh, rolling my eyes. I just couldn't wait for this stupid wedding to be done and over with. I wasn't expecting Rachel to be a bridezilla when I agreed to be maid of honor. "So, Leah. Green, pink, or blue?"

And now we'd come full circle. _Again._

"I think you should do green, Aunt Rachel. You look pretty in green," Jayme chirped from the corner where she was coloring. Rachel smiled.

"Green it is, then," she said, sounding happy. I sighed in relief. Maybe Jayme should just plan the whole freaking wedding.

"Hey!" Jacob called, coming in the front door. "It's my three favorite girls!" Jake had been acting like nothing had happened since we talked. I appreciated it, though I knew how hard it was for him. I really had never had a better friend than Jacob.

"So, Jacob. What do you think of a green, white, and silver color scheme for the wedding?" Rachel had officially lost it. Did she actually think that Jacob gave a shit what colors she used at her wedding?

"Know what I think about the wedding, Rach?" she looked up at him with questioning eyes. "Drop the idea. Paul's an ass." Rachel punched him in the shoulder, and huffed. I couldn't control the laughter that burst out of me. Rachel threw a glare at me, and I tried to contain myself.

"Not helping, Leah," Rachel hissed. I rolled my eyes. Ah, the days of PMS. That was one thing that being a wolf had been good for- escaping the torture otherwise known as the menstrual cycle. Since I stopped phasing, my periods had thankfully been a day long if they even came at all, cramp-free and everything. It was one of the only things I'd gained from the entire wolf experience.

When I got married- _if_ I got married- it would be a private wedding. Easy. No hassle. No color-scheme. Just a date, a dress, and a ring. Oh, and a husband. But that one was the least of the worries. I wasn't getting married in the near future, anyway.

|~J~*x*~L~|

Three years ago, if you told me that I would have a one-night-stand with Jacob Black I would have laughed in your face. If you told me that I would end up the mother of his child, I would have laughed even harder. But look where I am now.

A few months ago, if you told me that I would have maybe-kinda-sorta non-platonic feelings for Jacob Black, I might have even slapped you, spit in your eye, then laughed in your face until I cried, maybe even choked on the sheer stupidity and improbability of that ever occuring.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just do the opposite of what I feel like doing, because eventually, that's how it all ends up.

|~*TBC*~|

**A/N: Alright, now I can breathe easily knowing that the last chapter I posted wasn't complete shit. **

**Alright, so Leah's pretty emotionally fucked up, Rachel's a bridezilla, Jacob's covering his feelings, and Jayme's still ah-fucking-dorable. Oh, and Paul's an dick, but that's nothing new ;) (Still, he's some pretty serious eye candy)**

**So tell me what you thought, why you thought it, questions, comments, and where you think the story's headed. I really love hearing your predictions!**

**Feed my addiction. Review!**

**Love Always,**

**WolfGirl4Life**


	31. Chapter 29: Pack Hangover Party

"_Ahh the sun is blinding, I stayed up again,_

_I am finding,_

_That that's not the way I want my story to end,_

_I'm safe, up high,_

_Nothing can touch me,_

_Why do I feel this party's over?_

_Oohh.._

_No pain, in sight, you're my protection._

_But how do I feel this good sober?"_

_-Sober, P!nk_

I looked at my appearance in the mirror, and smirked. I wasn't going to lie- I looked hot. I hadn't worn anything that particularly showed off my figure in a long time, and I was actually surprised that my tight dark-wash skinny jeans still hugged my body the way they used to when I was nineteen. I was expecting the pregnancy to stretch me out at least a little bit, but apparently the werewolf genes make your body like a rubber band. I was back to exactly the size I started with, stretch-mark free. Though the breast feeding had made my chest look a little more respectable, which was a plus.

With a form-fitting black tank-top with a plunging neckline, a Victoria's Secret push-up bra, a little black liquid eyeliner, smokey eye shadow, and a coat of clear lip gloss, I felt sexier than I had in a long time.

It was Sam and Emily's bachelor/bachelorette party that Paul and Rachel had planned together. We cut the expenses of two parties and just combined them, making the planning- and the budget- much easier for everyone involved. It was a bonfire on the beach, just like the usual council meetings, but this time there were no elders or kids allowed. But if you read between the lines, it didn't take a genius to see that the only thing that really meant was that there was most definitely going to be alcohol. The last part made me nervous. I'd gotten myself into some pretty crazy situations because of alcohol, and another unplanned pregnancy might cause me to completely lose my sanity- which these days, is one of the only things I had left. I didn't know why I bothered to get all dolled up- it was just the pack- the boys that knew me inside and out. But with this whole Jacob craziness going on, I felt the need to just dress up and have a good time. In other words, Seth was going to be the designated driver.

When I came down the stairs, Seth was already down, swinging the car keys around his index finger. When he heard my footsteps, he looked up at me, his eyes widening. As I landed at the bottom of the stairs, I decided to avoid the awkwardness of making a witty remark, and get to the driving issue.

"What makes you think you're driving?" I said, reaching for the car keys he now stuffed in his fist. Once he saw me, he reached his arm in the air, and dangled the keys from his pinky finger, knowing full well I couldn't reach. I glared at him, and he smiled. "Just get in the car, jackass," I grumbled, and stormed out the door.

The ride to the beach was silent until Seth put the car in park. He took the keys out of the ignition, and handed them to me.

"What am I going to do with those? You're driving, remember?" He shook his head, and shoved the keys in my face. I pushed his arm away, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I don't want them," he said quietly. "You can drive."

"You're not drinking, are you?" I asked suspiciously. Seth shrugged, a blush making his cheeks turn blotchy. My jaw dropped in anger. I reached over, and slapped his chest. His breath came out in a _whoosh _ and I was satisfied.

"It's really no big deal, Lee. I have a couple beers, get a buzz going. It's not like I'm an alcoholic or anything. Besides, I'm a wolf. We burn it off fast, anyway."

"Are you stupid? You're not legal!"

"So what? It's not like the Rez cops care! Our mom is Sue Clearwater. We can do what we want!" I gaped at him. What had happened to my gangly, insecure, play-by-the-rules brother?

"Who _are _you?" I asked, my voice cracking, my eyes welling with tears.

"I'm Seth, Leah. I'm allowed to change. I've watched you change. Over, and over, and over again. Why can't I? Why am I always just Seth? Why am I always treated like a baby?"

"Because you are!" I shrieked. "You're my baby brother, Seth. I just- I don't want you to do something you'll regret when you won't even remember it tomorrow morning." _I don't want you to make my mistakes. You're too good for that. _"What happened to 'I'm gonna live straight edge'? What happened to 'I'm not going to be stupid like that'? Huh?"

"You wanna know what happened, Leah? I turned into a wolf. I had every choice I've ever had taken away from me. If I'm gonna be stuck on this reservation forever, I might as well have a little fun. Besides, Leah. I'm not you. Trust me, I've learned from your idiotic mistakes." he said, and he got out of the car, slamming the door behind him. I looked over, and the car keys were left on his seat. I sighed, picking them up, and tucking them in my pocket.

I was going to put this behind me, even though Seth had just made me feel like the absolute worst sister that had ever existed.

I got out of the car, and put on the best smile I could muster, which was something just short of a smirk. I tied a black cable knit sweater around my waist, and made my way over to where the pack was huddled together.

When Rachel saw me, she smiled conspiratorially at me, then she let out a long, ear piercing cat call. I glared at her, but she just giggled. In the meantime, every pair of eyes was now looking at me. I smiled again as their jaws simultaneously dropped.

"What?" I asked, looking behind me. They all seemed to snap out of it, and turned around to look back at the fire. Rachel was all smiles as she made her way over to me, two beers in hand. She giggled as I took one away from her, and slugged back a mouthful. It was time to get this party started.

About two hours and four beers later, I was just a little tipsy. When Jacob approached me, I smiled at him. He sat down next to me on the log that I was occupying by myself.

"Having a good time?" he asked, the sarcasm in his voice plainly obvious.

"Mhmm," I hummed, trying to make it sound like there wasn't a slight slur to my speech.

"How many have you had, Lee?"

That was all it took for a flashback to occur.

_"H-how m-many have y-y-you had, Lee-Lee...w-we are gonna b-be p-p-passed out anyway, w-why not h-have one m-m-more?"_

I instantly felt sober.

"Four," I said flatly. "You?"

"Uh," he said, sounding embarassed. "I don't really drink anymore." This shocked me. Maybe his hangover from that night had been so bad that it had scared him out of drinking ever again. It wouldn't surprise me. It felt like my head was pounding for a week after that night.

"Never?" I asked, incredulous.

"Never," he confirmed. "At least one person has to stay sober at one of these parties." He gestured over to Emily who was stumbling around with a beer bottle in her hand, falling into Sam, and saying all kinds of crazy shit. I laughed out loud. Perfect little Emily Young, finally corrupted. The chorus of 'Good Girls Go Bad' by Cobra Starship flashed through my mind, and I laughed harder.

Suddenly, I felt Jacob's warm breath on my neck, and was completely shocked by my reaction. I shuddered. It was so hot.

"Want to go for a walk? Get away from these drunken morons?" he whispered in my ear, and I nodded stiffly, following Jacob down the beach. Once we were safely away, the sounds of our little party a faint buzzing in the background, Jacob abruptly turned around. I almost bumped into him.

"Okay, Leah. What's going on?" I was confused.

"What are you talking about?" I demanded.

"Why are you...dressed so...like..._that_?" I smiled internally.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you _trying _to torture me?"

"Jake, I don't understand..." he took one half step closer to me, and touched his forehead to mine. He grabbed the sides of my shirt, making fists around them. For a moment, I was afraid he was going to tear the shirt right off of me. That wouldn't be good.

"You run away from me, and then after days of not speaking to me, you show up to a party looking so fucking hot..." he said. His anger was just...sexy. There was no other word for how unbelievably hot Jake seemed right now. "But that's not the point..."

"Jake..." I whispered, but that's all I could get out.

"Leah, you don't need all of this!" he said in a voice just above a breath. "You are so beautiful without all of it!" His hands clenched tighter around the fabric near my waist, tugging it slightly. I sighed, looking away from his fierce expression. We were still close- too close.

For the second time, I felt Jacob's hands drop to my waist, and his lips crash together with mine. This time, there was no shock factor. I was ready for the feelings that coursed through me as our tongues tangled together, and my body melted into his until I couldn't tell whose limbs were whose. I was shocked to find that the feelings I'd had were just as strong as the ones I'd had the last time.

When we finally broke apart, our foreheads resting together, our breathing heavy and ragged. After our breathing had returned to normal, he spoke.

"Look, Leah. I know you're not ready to admit you love me, even though I'm positive that you do. But...I have forever. I'm never going to stop trying. Even when the day comes that you're finally ready to admit to yourself that you're even as half in love with me as I am with you...well...I guess you'll just have to wait and see." His hands dropped from my hips and he took several steps back. I let out a deep gust of air that I wasn't even aware I was holding in.

"I'm gonna...get back to the party..." I said, and turned and walked away. It was terrible. I felt terrible walking away from him again without an explanation...but I just wasn't ready to explain what I didn't know.

When Emily saw me walking back towards the party, she jumped up and stumbled over to me.

"Leeeeahhhhh," she sing songed, her words slurred and sloppy. "G-guess what-t? I'm dr-drunk!"

"I can see that," I said, no emotion playing in my tone.

"Th-th-thanks for being the bessssssst couussinnnn e-e-everrr!" she drew out. And then she did something really _really _strange. _She kissed my fucking cheek! _And it wasn't even just a peck. It was sloppy, and I had to wipe her saliva off my face afterward. GROSS. I pushed Emily gently away from me, and continued walking.

When I reached the bonfire, I immediately went to the cooler, and took out three bottles, sitting down by myself on the log that I'd been on an hour ago. I just wanted to drown everything out. I didn't want to remember this confusion, this pain. So, I screwed the cap off, tilted my head back, and took a good, long sip. I didn't have any bleach to erase the memories I didn't want to keep, but this was as close as I was going to get.

8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o

The next thing I remember is waking up on Emily's couch. I was so disoriented, I couldn't even remember who I was or what was happening. But that might have been what felt like a hammer bashing repeatedly on my skull. I finally opened my eyes, and the hammer beat twice as fast. I winced as the light met my eyes and blinded me for a few seconds. I looked around, and almost wanted to laugh. Seth was at the other end of the couch. Paul and Rachel were snuggled up together on a reclining chair across the room. Jared and Kim must have been occupying the guest bedroom. Anyone who was unimprinted, or whose imprint wasn't above 18 years of age was subjected to the floor of the living room. Jake, Embry, and Quil were all cuddled up together under a blanket. _They must have been really, __**really **__drunk._

I almost laughed, but when I did, my stomach convulsed, and I winced. Note to self: laughing hurts. It seemed like every part of my body was aching, burning, pain. I slumped back down on the couch, snuggling up to Seth's warm body.

About two hours later, the room was a chorus of groans, winces, and gasps of pain. We were all hungover in perfect harmony. Sam ran to the store and bought about ten boxes of aspirin, and Emily's coffee pot was on overdrive. For once, the kitchen didn't smell of sugar and honey- just the bitter scent of black coffee. Sam and Emily's water bill was going to be through the roof between the showers and constant sprints to the bathroom so we could puke in the toilet- sometimes even together.

We all felt like total shit. I was in no way in the shape to head home to my mother and daughter. In preparation for this night, Derrick and Nicole were sent to stay with Emily's sister, Kayla- Claire's mother.

"Guys?" Paul said when we were all showered, and done puking. My head was still throbbing, and I had no desire to eat. We all looked up at him. "Remind me to never _EVER _drink ever again." We all rolled our eyes. Rachel hit him.

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen," she muttered sarcastically. We all laughed for a quick second then either clutched our stomachs or heads.

"This sucks," Quil complained. "I don't think alcohol and bonfires mix well."

"All in favor of the prohibition of alchohol in any of its various forms from any pack get together say 'aye'," Seth suggested.

"Aye!" said everyone but Paul, who just sank further into the couch.

**So, this is a pretty complete chapter. You've got Leah's confusion, lust, drunkness, and a pack hangover party. Sounds pretty good, don't it?**

**Review and tell me what you thought, why you thought it, comments, questions, and concerns!**

**Until Next Time,**

**WolfGirl4Life**


	32. Chapter 30: Making it Work

It had been three days since the pack bonfire party that ended with our bonding moment of hangovers. Three days, and things had mostly calmed down. Everyone left Sam and Emily's place and slept at their own houses, and the headaches and puking had more or less disappeared. All of that stuff was physical, though. Emotionally, psychologically, and mentally I was pretty fucked up.

No matter what I did, I couldn't stop thinking about the conversation I had with Jacob. Unfortunately, that was one of the only parts of the night that wasn't a complete blur. I couldn't stop thinking about his urgency, his need, his lips...

_Jesus Christ._

At first, I blamed it on hormones. I mean, I was a woman. I had needs. And truthfully, it had been a while since I'd gotten any action of any kind. My body was reacting. It wanted more because it was receiving something it had been deprived of for far too long. The way I was reacting could have been to anyone. If it was someone else throwing themselves at me, then I probably would have reacted the same exact way. It wasn't just Jacob.

It wasn't just the way his breath scorched hot on my neck, or the way his hands on my hips felt like he was burning straight through my jeans and my skin. It wasn't just the way his urgency in the way he kissed me made me feel wanted and needed in a way I hadn't felt...ever. It wasn't just the feel of his body against mine that made my heart skip a beat or the way he held me like he never intended on letting me go...It could have been anyone.

Who was I kidding? It was one hundred and ten percent Jacob. All of it. Every single piece. I didn't know why, when, or how I had come to feel this way, but I did. And I wasn't entirely happy about it, for several reasons.

The main reason being that I wasn't sure about Jacob's intentions. He loved Jayme. I knew that for a fact. But maybe he only claimed to love me because I was the mother of his child, and he was stuck with me for the rest of his life weather he liked it or not. Maybe he thought that Jayme deserved a stable home with two parents who love each other and her. So she can feel safe, protected, and loved for as long as she lives under that roof, possibly longer. That was the way I felt sometimes. But the thing was, I didn't want that kind of marriage. I didn't want to marry a man that I was going to grow to hate over time. I wanted to give Jayme an example of what love is supposed to look like, so she can find it in whatever way she so chooses. Weather it be with Embry, or otherwise. I shuddered at the thought.

And a part of me, a small, illogical part of me, was still afraid of getting hurt.

_Why did Sam have to do this to me?_

I was sitting in my room, reading a magazine. Jayme was out with Jacob for the day, so I was enjoying some peace and quiet around the house, something unusual and worthy to be cherished. I heard footsteps on the stairs, and automatically assumed it was my mother, because it wasn't the thunk that Seth's heavy footsteps made. She was also alone, no Charlie.

_ That's odd..._

A few seconds later there's a knock at my door.

"Leah? It's mom. Can I come in...I want to talk to you?" she asked. Oh great.

"Sure," I said, closing the magazine and throwing it on my bedside table. Mom smiled as she walked in the room, but it didn't reach her eyes. Something was up, I could tell. This wasn't easy for her. She sat down on the edge of my bed, facing me, but avoiding eye contact.

"Leah, sweetheart. I've loved your dad since I was sixteen years old," she said quietly. I tensed. I didn't like where this was going at all. "I remember when he first introduced himself I thought he was the clumsiest, strangest, most awkward young man I'd ever met. But as time wore on, and I got to know him better, I saw how great of a man he truly was. I loved him. I still do. I never want you to doubt that. I never want you to believe for a single instant that I have forgotten about my love for him, or how much he loved us..."

"Mom, if this is about dating Charlie...well, you know how I feel about that-" My mother held up a hand that said 'let me finish'.

"Do you believe in fate, Leah?" she asked, looking up at me. In my head I was screaming that I did. That fate was out to get me. That fate said that I would be alone and miserable for the rest of my pathetic life. I didn't speak these thoughts aloud, though. I simply just shrugged, and wondered where she was going with this.

"Well, I don't," she said sharply, taking me slightly by surprise. "I firmly believe that all of this wasn't meant to happen. I wasn't supposed to lose my husband when he was forty-something years old. I wasn't supposed to become interested in Charlie...none of this was meant to be. But, somehow, by some twist of fate, I did.

Leah, Charlie makes me happy. Really, really, happy. Happier than I thought I could be after your father passed. And it means a lot to me, it really does. He's a great man who cares about me and my family, and I well...I think I love him." She shrugged. I tried not to react on my face, because somewhere, deep down, I was happy for my mother. That she was finding some way to move on with her life. But there's a distinct difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone. I think my mother knew that. I could tell by the look on her face. "I still believe that your father is and always will be the love of my life, but Charlie...Charlie makes me happy when I don't think anyone else will."

I understood what she was saying. I actually really got it. She isn't settling, exactly. She is just finding ways to make herself happy again after such a tragic loss. She was doing what I was doing- only she was doing it so much better.

I've never doubted for a second that my mother is the strongest person I know. She's tough. She doesn't let anyone or anything faze her. That was one of the scariest parts of my father's death. Seeing my mother break down. Seeing her vulnerable. It was such an odd phenomenon that I didn't really know how to comprehend it, let alone deal with it.

At that moment, I wondered why she was telling me this, but then it hit me. And I felt a lump form in my throat.

"Did he...are you..." I trailed off, not able to make myself ask the question. She understood, though. I saw the recognition flash through her eyes.

"Did he propose?" she asked, smiling. "No, he didn't. But we were talking...about the future. About where this is going. Honestly, Leah, I do see myself and Charlie getting married someday. Probably not soon, of course. We'll let Sam and Emily and Paul and Rachel have their glory first. But you should know that it'll end up happening at some point." I was surprised that I wasn't furious. Maybe it was because I already knew this, of course.

"But Leah I was telling you this story for more than one reason," she continued. "I wanted to tell you that it is possible to love again. I know that another love is waiting for you. You just have to open up your mind and your heart." I wondered if she knew about the Jacob thing. I wondered if somehow Billy had caught on and told her about it. But I know that he hasn't, because my mom isn't saying his name. My mother isn't one to cut corners. She's to-the-point, and doesn't skirt around the edges of the truth. Like a band-aid, my friend. Like a band-aid.

I feel like maybe I should tell her, but I restrain myself. There are some things a mother shouldn't know until later. So I put a smile on my face, prepared to grin and bear it.

"Thanks, Mom." She smiles genuinely at me, and leaves the room. I stare at the closed door, wondering if my mother could be right. If I just opened my mind and my heart...could this actually work?

Later that night, my cell phone rings, and it's Jacob's name on the display. I don't want to think about why my heart is suddenly fluttering in my chest, or why a smile has suddenly broken out over my face.

"Hey Jake," I say, sounding happier than I should.

"Hey, Lee," he says. "I was just double checking...is the date still on for the wedding on Saturday?" he asked, and suddenly I'm confused. What on Earth is he talking about? But then it all comes rushing back. It seems like a lifetime ago that I agreed to be his date to Emily and Sam's wedding. I remember the black dress I'd bought the afternoon that Jayme went to the hospital, and smiled, knowing he'd love the way it looks on me.

"Of course," I reply. "Okay, well, I guess I can pick you up at ten thirty for the ceremony?"

"Sounds good," I confirm.

"I can't wait, Lee."

"Uh...yeah. Me neither."

"See you soon?"

"Mhm. Good night, Jacob." I hang up the phone and sigh. Having a date with Jacob seemed to change my whole perspective on things. It seemed to make all the confusing feelings I'd been having seem all the more real. All the more...intense. It was then I realized, that this wedding was going to be one of the weirdest days of my life.

**A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I've been posting. I've been pretty busy lately. Anyway, the next chapter is the infamous wedding. This chapter was one of the first ones I wrote, so its already completed. I just need to edit and proofread before I post. Hopefully it'll be up sometime this weekend.**

**Thank you guys for the awesome support. I think I've made it pretty clear that I appreciate every single review that I get, and it makes my day to read them all. The thing is, when you write 'this was a great chapter. Update soon.' it really doesn't tell me much. Tell me what you enjoyed, what you would've changed. Tell me your reactions. Tell me what you're thinking. It really does help me write. **

**So, I posted a oneshot that is quite short called Torture. It's in the point of view of Marcus, the member of the Volturi. I feel like it's really different from anything I've done, so if you have a minute, please go check it out.**

**Last but not least, if you haven't noticed, I've filled out a betareader survey/profile. I'd like to try my hand at being a beta, so if any of you would like me to beta a chapter just so I can see what its like, please send me an inbox message and we can work out the details. Thanks guys, your support has been incredible.**


	33. Chapter 31: Til Death Do Us Part

"Well, all I really want to do is love you,

A kind much closer than friends use,

But I still can't say it after all we've been through.

And all really want from you is to feel me,

As the feeling inside keeps building,

I'll find a way to you if it kills me."

-If It Kills Me, Jason Mraz

I look at myself in the mirror, and sigh. This is as good as it's gonna get, I try and tell myself. My hair won't fall straight, and my eyeliner won't go on smooth, but it doesn't matter. No one is going to be looking at me today, anyway.

The little back dress that I'd bought what felt like a lifetime ago wasn't a magical as it had been in my memory. Sure, it was a great dress- it accentuated my curves and showed off my legs- but I could've gotten a similar one at a thrift store. The reflection in the mirror is the ghost of a beautiful girl that everyone used to know. _Lee Lee_. I think the name, and I'm surprised that I'm not on the verge of tears. I wasn't Lee Lee anymore.

I can't help but think that if everything were completely different- if there were no mythical creatures, or legends come to life, if I hadn't had so much to drink that night and slept with Jacob Black- if everything was the way it was supposed to be, and my life was a simple place where everything made sense and things fell in straight lines, my dress would be white instead of black. Today would be my day. But it's not.

My life isn't that simple. I don't think it ever will be.

I've heard the gossip surrounding today's event. _What a shame,_they say. _Poor Leah Clearwater. She really would have made a beautiful bride._ I'd like to think that in an alternate universe where there was logical reasons for everything, that might be true. As I think this, I realize that maybe more people will be watching me than I thought. Maybe I should put more effort into how I look today. Maybe I should, but I know I won't. I don't need to impress anybody. Who on this lousy reservation who hasn't seen the innermost parts of my mind was actually worth impressing?

"Leah," my brother calls from the other side of my bedroom door. He knocks lightly three times. "Can I come in?" I sigh, and nod, forgetting that he can't see me.

"Sure," I say, glancing back at the mirror, and frowning. Seth opens the door slowly, poking his head in the door frame before actually entering the room. He smiles widely at me.

"You look beautiful," he says, and there's no hint of a lie on his face or in his voice. I try to smile back at him, but I know the result is slightly grotesque, so I quit attempting. "I know this day is going to be hard for you, Leah. Just know that I'm there if you need anything. I...well, I don't like seeing you in pain." He looks at his shoes as he says this, and I swear it's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a really long time. I don't know what I did to deserve a brother as great as Seth, but whatever it was, it was the smartest thing I'd ever done. I'd treated him like shit over the years. Teased and tortured him and dragged him through hell, yet he still loved me and cared about my well-being. There are very few people on this Earth that can love so unconditionally and somewhat irrationally. For the first time in a while, I take a good look at my baby brother.

He seems to be taller than I remember, if that were even possible. His muscles have filled out even more, and all the baby fat in his cheeks is gone. His hair is getting a little long- he will probably have to cut it in a few weeks. Seth is only eighteen, but he could pass for twenty-five. It scared me. And yet, underneath the man he'd become on the outside, there was that flicker of youth behind his deep brown eyes. It made me smile knowing Seth was still there under the unfamiliar face. That spark was the one constant in my world- the only thing that I could count on. As I look him up and down one more time, my eyebrow crunches up. I had seen those cufflinks before. The gold circles with an intricately carved wolf that resembled the one on the pendant my father gave me..._oh._ I blink back tears, and shift my glance from my brother to the floor.

"Is that- is that Dad's tux?" I ask in a whisper, glancing at his face.

"Uh, yeah," Seth mumbled, self-consciously pulling the too-short sleeves closer to his wrists. Of course, it only slid back up again. "I didn't have one, so Mom suggested I wear it. It doesn't fit quite right, but it'll have to work."

"It looks nice on you," I murmured, just because it seemed like the right thing to say.

"You're not upset, are you?" he asked tentatively.

"Of course not!" I lied, because I honestly didn't know why it bothered me. Seth eyed me curiously. He knew I was lying through my teeth, I was sure. He decided to ignore it.

"Well, Mom, Jayme, and I are leaving," he said, looking away from me. Mom was basically Emily's second-in-command, helping her with everything throughout the entire wedding process. Emily didn't really know her mother- she'd ditched the Makah reservation when Emily was just two years old, and no one had heard from her since, so as Emily's aunt, my mother felt obligated to get Emily through the planning. Emily had asked Jayme to be a flower girl with Nicole and Claire, and Seth was in the wedding party, so they all had to be there earlier than I did. I wasn't upset by this. In fact, I was grateful. I'd have an hour more to mentally prepare myself for today's events.

I follow Seth out the door, heading downstairs to say goodbye to my mom and daughter. As I reach the bottom of the stairs, I smile at my family, who is standing by the front door.

Jayme looks adorable, as always. She is wearing a light pink satiny dress with a bow around her middle. Her bouncy waves are pulled into a french braid down her back, with a pink ribbon tied around the end. She's wearing a pair of patent leather dress shoes, and white tights. I smile at her, and her returning grin seems to light up the room. I take her into my arms, and hold her close to me.

"You look so pretty today, sweetheart," I whisper in her ear.

"You do too, mommy!" she says in her high-pitched voice.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you too, mommy!" I smile and place her back on her feet. I then look up at my mother, and my eyes widen. She looks..._beautiful._ She's wearing a royal blue satiny dress that is a little low-cut for her taste. The dress is sleeveless and shows off her body, and all the good genes she was blessed with. The dress cuts off right above her knee, and she's wearing simple black three-inch heels. Her hair has been curled, and it hangs in soft ringlets just below her shoulders. She's wearing makeup, something I haven't seen in a really long time. She looks amazing.

"Wow, Mom. You look fantastic!" I exclaim, and she smiles, blushing self-consciously- also something I haven't seen in a while. I pull her into a hug, and whisper so only she and probably Seth can hear- "Not trying to impress anyone, are you?" She pulls back and smiles at me, and I wink. "Go get him, tiger," I joke. She laughs, and her genuine smile warms my heart. I was so glad she was finally happy again.

"Alright, sweetie. We'll see you after the ceremony, okay?" she says, opening the front door, and ushering Jayme and Seth in front of her. I smile and nod, and watch as they pull out of the driveway.

I immediately head to the couch, intending to watch some mindless TV until Jacob came to pick me up. I didn't want to think about today's events or the implications they may have on my mental health. I didn't think it would help matters. I was totally zoned out when the doorbell rang. I didn't want to think about why I suddenly had butterflies, or why my heart was suddenly thundering in my chest. I placed my hand on the doorknob, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

_Holy shit. Jacob Black is wearing a tux. And damn, does he look good._

Why was it that all of a sudden I couldn't breathe? Like there was not enough oxygen in the world to satisfy my lungs? His very presence intoxicated me. Crap.

"You look..." he trailed off, and it seemed as if he was looking for the right word. "Damnit. Well, amazing isn't a strong enough adjective...but its all I've got." He smiled a shy grin, glanced up at me, and quickly looked back at the ground, biting his lip. It felt like I was gasping for air.

"I could say the same for you. You clean up pretty good, Black," I smirked.

"Shall I escort you to this fine event, Miss Clearwater?" he asked, in a faux-formal voice. I snickered and smiled.

"You shall," I replied in my own version of his tone, and linked my arm with his. He smiled at me, and led me to his car. He opened the door for me, an unexpected pleasant surprise. It was like when Danny insisted on being a gentleman on our date in Hawaii. Only this was ten times better.

The ride to the hotel in Port Angeles was surprisingly quiet. It wasn't an awkward silence. It was like we both knew that we had nothing interesting to say, but it didn't matter. I was perfectly content just sitting in the passenger seat next to him.

Once we reached the hotel, I went to unbuckle my seat belt. When I looked up, Jacob was already holding the door open for me. I sighed, and smiled. He extended out his hand to help me out of the car, and I accepted, taking his warm hand into mine. After I had both feet planted safely on the concrete, I didn't let my hand slip from his. He changed the position of our hands so that our fingers were interlaced with each others. When I was fifteen, I'd always noticed the distinct difference between the simple hand hold and the way Jacob was holding on to my hand now. I'd always believed that this way was more intimate- more personal...more the way lovers would hold hands. I smiled at our fingers, and looked up at him, and gasped when I saw him looking at me.

"We don't have to hold hands if you don't feel comfortable with it," he said as we walked towards the entrance, a touch of hurt in his voice. He slightly loosened his grip on my hand, and I shook my head.

"No..." I said, grabbing his hand tighter. "It's okay." He smiled.

"Okay."

When we reached the grand entrance to the hotel, a lady directed us to a banquet hall where we found Quil and Embry waiting outside the door, acting as ushers for the wedding. As we approached I saw their eyes zero in on Jake and my hands. They simultaneously glanced at each other, then me, then at Jake, then back at each other.

"Welcome to the wedding of Mr Samuel Levi Uley and Miss Emily Cassandra Young," Embry said, sounding like he was reading from a script, smirking as he said it. There was a glint of humor in his eyes, as if he thought that what he was saying sounded completely idiotic- which it did.

"You, Mister Jacob Black and Miss Leah Clearwater, are to be seated in the front row on the bride's side of the aisle. Leave a seat for Emily's father, Sue Clearwater, but other than that, you may sit wherever you please," Quil continued in the same tone. I looked at Jacob's face a giggled. He had one eyebrow raised at them. No one said anything for a while.

"You two realize that you sound like complete tools, right?" Jacob asked. I snorted. Embry shrugged, and Quil rolled his eyes.

"Emily's orders. Not gonna mess with her today. She was throwing a fit earlier because the bridesmaids' dresses are champagne, not maroon. I don't really see a difference, but whatever," I chuckled at that. Jacob tugged on my arm and led me into the hall. As we entered, I took a look around and was actually impressed. It looked nice. Low budget, of course, but nice. The color scheme was obviously red, maroon, and white, as red and white roses were in bouquets that sat in vases strategically placed all over the hall. We made our way down the aisle, and I noticed I recognized a good eighty percent of the people here. All of them from La Push were familiar, and I knew most of Emily's family because I was related to them too. Some of her friends from the Makah reservation I could put names to faces. Jake sat us down in the front row.

At the moment, Sam came down the aisle, taking quick, long strides, as if he couldn't wait for this to get started. My mother trailed after him. She was whispering in his ear. He was nodding absentmindedly at everything she was saying, and I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't really paying attention to my mother's words. Finally, she hugged him, kissing him on the cheek. I guess it should have bothered me that my mother still fawned over my ex-boyfriend as if he was still going to be her son-in-law, but for some reason, it didn't. I saw his mouth form the words- 'Thanks, Sue. For everything.' She smiled, and sat down next to Jacob in the seat next to the aisle, leaving a spot open for my uncle Scott- Emily's father.

"How's it going?" I heard Jacob ask her. She turned towards us.

"Pretty smoothly," she said, but then she smirked. "Except for the bridesmaid dress episode...but that's calmed down now." I could practically hear my mother's internal eye roll. I know I could hear mine.

We kept up small talk with my Mom for the next couple of minutes until the ceremony started. I could see my mother occasionally make eye contact with Charlie, who was sitting several rows back. Her smile would widen and her eyes would sparkle when she looked at him. It was hard not to be disgusted.

After a while, I had a feeling that someone was looking at me, and I knew who it was. Finally, I looked up and met his eyes, and in that moment, I wasn't Leah Clearwater. I was Lee Lee. Sam's Lee Lee.

He was the young man with dark brown eyes and a smile that could make my heart pound. He was my first everything. My first date, my first kiss, my first love, my- _first time_. We were in a time where everything was simple, and there were no werewolves, or vampires. No worries. Just love. Just us. Just him and me against the world. We were Sam and Leah- La Push's golden couple. We were happy. Life was easy. Where my happy ending was visible just over the horizon.

From the look in his eyes, I knew he was feeling the exact same way. I wondered what he was thinking about. Did he wish it was me walking towards him today? Does he want it all back? The easiness of the past?

Unexpectedly, he flashes me a smile. _My smile_. The smile only I had been able to elicit. I hadn't seen it since the day I'd told him to leave me alone and never come back. I was surprised how happy that simple gesture made me- how one twitch of his lips could make me feel so much- so happy, so alive. We were so in the moment, the smile appeared on his face naturally. It was a reflex- no actual thought process required.

Finally, the music started, waking both Sam and I from our trance. It was light, happy, and subtle. The doors opened, and Seth and Emily's best friend from the Makah reservation, Caitlin, started slowly down the aisle to the beat of the music. Next came Sam's cousins Layla and Lucas, followed by Jared and Kim, then finally Rachel and Paul. The girls wore champagne-colored strapless dresses. They had a sweetheart neckline, and fell to right above the knee. The boys wore black tuxes with a white dress shirt, a red vest and a red tie.

The doors swung opened again, revealing Derrick, in a tiny black tuxedo and dress shoes. In his hands he carried a small wooden box that held the rings. He looked adorable in the suit. When he reached the front of the room, Jared scooped him up into his arms.

I looked towards the back, anticipating the next few people to walk down the aisle. The doors opened, and Jayme, Claire, and Nicole started forward with their arms linked, all scattering red and white flower petals all over the aisle. As Jayme passed Jacob and I, she looked up at us and smiled. I could practically feel Jacob's pride radiating off of him as he grinned back at her. It melted my heart in ways that I had never experienced before.

Suddenly, the music became a full-out fanfare that morphed into the bridal march as the doors opened, and Emily came into view. The audience stood, and most of the women let out a collective sigh.

I had to admit, Emily did look beautiful. Her snow-white dress really accentuated her beautiful complexion, and the cut and flare of the dress really made her body look fluid and graceful. You almost didn't notice the scars on her cheek, that's how beautiful she looked. Her father was holding her arm, and Emily seemed to be clutching to him. My heart sunk. I would never have that moment with my Daddy. My eyes almost welled with tears.

Soon enough, Emily and her father had reached the end of the aisle. My Uncle Scotty gave her to Sam, and the ceremony began. It truly was beautiful, though it passed by in a blur. Billy and Old Quil both read the traditional tribal ceremonial words in Quileute. Finally, it came time for the vows- the ones that Sam and Emily had written for each other.

Emily's was...well...lets just say that no one could understand a word she said through her blubbering and sobbing. It would have been humorous if I didn't feel so embarrassed for her. Next, it was Sam's turn.

"Emily," he said, his voice clear and strong. "I love you more than any man should ever love a woman. I love you so much I should feel sorry for it, but I don't regret a single moment-" my breath whooshed out at that, my head spinning. I saw Jacob's head whip around to look at me, so I smiled falsely and him. He frowned, but looked away. "When I look at you, I see the mother of my children. I see the one who has supported me and stuck by me even when there was no way I deserved it. I see my lover and my very best friend. I need to thank you for putting up with me and never letting go, even when I told you that you should walk away. I cannot wait to grow old with you when we're eighty, and I look forward to the next few minutes to when we are officially bound together for the rest of our lives. Just know, as long as you want me, I'll always be around." I was surprised when my heart didn't shatter when he said those words, for I knew that this time he actually meant it.

Time seemed to slow down as the part started for them to say the binding words. They seemed to talk slower, drawing out every word and every syllable. Emily's choked "I do" was inarticulate and intelligible.

It got ridiculous when Sam was making his promise to love her in sickness and in health as long as they both shall live. It seemed as if it was in a movie. The watch around Jacob's wrist seemed to tick every five minutes.

I'll never forget what happened next. When it came time for Sam to say the dangerous words, he did something strange. So quickly I had to reprocess it to see if it was a trick of the light, Sam glanced in my direction.

"I do," he said, and the crowd cheered as Emily threw herself at Sam, knocking him backwards a couple of steps.

My mind was still reeling. I knew Sam better than I knew myself. I knew what that quick look had meant. His eyes had said it all. Only two words were needed to describe the words that were so clearly on his mind- _I'm sorry_.

The ceremony flowed pretty seamlessly into the reception, and everyone was in the mood to celebrate. It was almost laughable how almost all the werewolves steered clear of the open bar. I had thought that we would all certainly break tonight- I mean come on, free liquor is an offer that you can never pass up- but anytime someone had alcohol anywhere near me, I would wince. The smell made me feel nauseous now.

We took pictures, and the newlyweds cut cake. As tradition states, they shoved it all over each other's faces, white frosting getting everywhere. They had their first dance, and I was handling myself pretty well considering all that Sam had given me to mull over.

Once the DJ took the microphone and announced the father-daughter dance, I didn't know if I could handle it. Emily's father escorted her to the dance floor, and they began to sway gently to the music. I instantly recognized the song 'Wind Beneath my Wings' by Bette Midler. My eyes welled with tears. This had been the song I'd slow danced to with my father at my fourth grade father-daughter dance. I'd considered it our song ever since. Emily looked so happy in her father's arms as he kissed her forehead, whispering things to her. I felt a tear slide down my cheek, knowing that this would be a moment I would never share with my father. I looked up at the ceiling, and murmured a mental 'I miss you, Daddy'.

"Leah?" I heard Seth's voice whisper in my ear, and his warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were freely falling now. "Will you dance with me?" he asked. I smile weakly, and nod as he takes my hand, and leads me to the dance floor. When we reach the floor, Seth pulls me into his arms, and it feels like he is holding me together. For a few minutes, we turn slowly to the music until I finally find the strength to speak.

"No matter how long it is..." I whisper in his ear, trying to slow my breathing. "...I just can't seem to accept the fact that he's gone." Seth squeezes his eyes shut, and I wonder if he's going to cry too. When he opens them, they seem watery. I bury my face in his shoulder, not being able to bear the sight of my brother with tears in his eyes.

For a long time, it's just me and Seth, swaying back and forth to the music. People surrounding us. A slight buzz of voices in the air. It was nice, I guess. Safe.

As the song ended, I squeezed Seth tight, then let go. We stepped back, and smiled at each other. I was done crying for the night, I decided as I walked to where my mother was standing- surprisingly without Charlie. She grinned at me as I approached.

"Your date bail?" I asked teasingly, and she giggled. Sue Clearwater actually giggled.

"No, but...Leah, I saw you dancing with Seth...and...that was one of the nicest things I've ever seen in my life." I shrugged, not really having anything to say. Charlie came back then, handing my mother a glass of wine, and grinning like a fool.

_ God, they really are in love._

I gasped as I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, and turned. Jacob. I smiled at him. It seemed effortless, this smile. Not just a soft twitch of the lips that I give to most people.

"Charlie," Jacob said, smiling at him "It's nice to see you." Charlie looked a combination of taken aback by Jacob's politeness, and scared. He'd been like that ever since he found out about werewolves.

"You too, Jake. It seems like you get bigger and bigger each time I see you," Charlie commented, sounding awkward and confused. Jacob shrugged.

"Just a growing boy, I guess," he said. "Actually, I was wondering if I could steal Leah away for a moment?" My mother smirked, which made me wonder.

"She's all yours," she said, and gestured for us to leave. Jacob led me by the small of my back away from my mother and her...uh...boyfriend. He sat me down at the table farthest from the dance floor. We were alone. Which may or may not be a good thing.

"What is it?" I asked, scrunching up my eyebrows.

"Nothing...I uh...I just couldn't take not being close to you anymore," he said, studying my face for my response. I tried to reveal as little as possible when it set in what he actually said. I chose to ignore it, and move on.

"So, having a good time?" He shrugged, still studying me.

"What?" I asked, sounding exasperated.

"Nothing...it's just that...I don't think you understand how incredibly gorgeous you look tonight."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"_That_." Jacob chuckled.

"_Real _specific, Leah." I rolled my eyes as the first beats of a new song started. I instantly recognized it- Life After You by Daughtry. It was one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. An involuntary smile spread across my face.

"What now?" he asked.

"I just...really like this song," I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

"Wanna dance?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want to dance with me?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding?"

"No but..."

"But...what?"

"But nothing, let's go," I said standing up and grabbing his hand. When we reach the dance floor, Jacob gently puts his arms around my waist, and I reach up and clasp my hands around his neck.

_Ten miles from town, I just broke down, spitting out smoke on the side of the road_

At first I look around, wondering if people are watching as Jacob and Leah- the two wolves that hated each other but then were sorta friends and then had a baby together- were now slow dancing. I could practically see the gossip mills turning. But as I settle into Jacob's arms, I realize that I honestly don't care. Let people think what they want to think. I'd heard all the rumors that flew once people started seeing me walking out of the forest in ripped clothing with several half naked men surrounding me. It would have been naive to think that people would understand. I became the Scarlet Letter of La Push. People even started saying that Sam and I were secretly sleeping together behind Emily's back, and the only one who didn't know was Emily herself. The latter of course, was untrue. Nonetheless, people still thought I was a whore. Honestly, it was unavoidable. What other plausible explanation could there be? I wasn't friends with them before, and now I was constantly glued to them. The only logical answer was that I was their sex slave.

NOT.

_...I'm out here alone, just tryin to get home, to tell you I was wrong but you already know..._

It takes me a moment to realize that I'm enjoying being in Jacob's arms. It feels nice. Safe. Like I'm at home- like I'm where I'm supposed to be. It makes me wonder- what if I did try this relationship thing with Jacob? Would it really be so bad? I knew I loved him- loved him a lot. So what was the problem? What was blocking me from my happiness? At this point, the question was better left unanswered. Even better left unasked, but knowing me, I ask it every chance I get. Jacob was right. I did love him. I cared about him in ways that weren't friend-like in any way. I wanted him.

_...believe me I won't stop at nothin, to see you so I've started running..._

As I glance to the left, I smile at what I see. I let out a giggle, and Jacob raises an eyebrow in confusion. I gesture over to the left, and he smiles. Jayme is dancing with Derrick, and they're talking and laughing. It's adoreable. It's also kind of scary. I think that one day maybe they'll be married and I'll be actually in some way linked to Sam. My daughter would have the last name Uley. It was a terrible, terrible thought.

From the expression on Jake's face, it looks like he was thinking the same exact thing.

"Hey," I say soothingly. "She's three years old, Jake. It's not like she'll be walking down the aisle tomorrow." Jake shudders at the thought and I laugh. "Relax, if someday that's what she wants, then so be it. But why worry about it now when marriage is the last thing on her mind?" Jake shrugged.

"I guess I can forget about it. I mean, it's not like I have the most beautiful girl in the world in my arms to distract me," he said sarcastically. I smile, and when we make a turn, Emily is right behind Jake, her back to him, dancing with Sam. Sam is facing me, and he's looking straight into my eyes the way he used to. The way it seemed he could see right through to my soul.

I break the eye contact, uncomfortable with the way he's looking at me. I bury my face into the crook of Jacob's neck, wear it seems I fit perfectly. I smile, and sigh contentedly.

_...All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you, I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after, and after the life we've been through, I know there's no life after you..._

"Don't you see how easy this is?" he whispers in my ear. "Don't you see how simple it could be...with me? I don't understand why you can't just let yourself feel the way you feel." I gasp, and Jacob pulls me closer to his body now. We're chest to chest, and his forehead is resting against mine.

_ "_I...don't..."

"I won't hurt you, Leah. I can't hurt you. Not now. Not ever."

"I...just..."

"Just give in. Trust me."

"But..."

"But what?" he demanded.

"I...can't..."

"Can't what?"

"You're my last chance Jacob. And I can't screw it up. Screw you up. Make you hate me. I don't think I could stand it if you hated me," I burst, the words coming out erratically, and I was out of breath when I finished. Jacob rolled his eyes.

"What can I do to make you see that I could never hate you? Nothing you could ever do would make me hate you. I'm in love with you."

"Things can change. People can change. Feelings can change. You can change. After you, there's no chance at love again. I can't risk it, Jake..."

_...The last time we talked, the night that I walked, burns like an iron in the back of my mind..._

I remember all the times that I'd run away from him- with unanswered questions, hurt feelings, and mixed signals that didn't even make sense in my head. All the times I'd strung him along, left him hanging, and led him on. He was still here. Still willing to love me. And I didn't deserve it. Not one single shred of his love should have been for me. He could do so much better.

_must have been high to say you and I just weren't meant to be and we were wasting our time..._

When he'd told me that he loved me, I'd thought he was crazy. Absolutely insane. How? Why? What had I done that had ended in this result. Absolutely nothing, that's what. He had no reason to. I wasn't anything special- just the girl he'd grown up with and drooled over since he was born. He'd seen me in my awkward stages of puberty, and I'd seen his.

But when I looked at him now, it crossed my mind that I might have been the crazy one. That maybe it was stupid for me to have been so quick to judge him. Because right now, I honestly saw a man that really made me happy. He knew me. Knew how to make me smile, how to make me feel better, and when I just wanted him to shut up and leave me alone. He put up with my shit. He was the father of my baby.

Would I do this? _Could _I do this? I was starting to think that I might be capable of trying.

_...All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you, I'm thinkin that all that really matters is love ever after, and after the life we've been through, there is no life after you..._

"Jake..." I started, the word coming out as nothing more than a breath. I was positive that I'd have to repeat myself, just because of the music and all the other noise, but Jacob looked up at me expectantly, and I looked away. "If we do this..." I trailed off again, the words heavy on my tongue. I glance up at Jake's face, and he's smiling triumphantly, as if he already knows what I'm going to decide, even when I don't know myself.

"I just don't know what to say," I said, ashamed that I couldn't just speak the words that may or may not make everything better. Jake's face fell, and I frowned.

"I know you're trying to be happy again...I could do that for you, Leah. Let me make you happy again."

"I don't know if I..."

"What's stopping you?"

"...I don't know," I stammer, nervous and embarrassed.

"Do you love me?"

"You know the answer to that, Jake."

"Then what's the problem?"

I didn't have an answer that made sense. I wanted Jake in almost every sense of the term. And to be honest, Jacob and I as couple...it just made sense. We fit together. We balanced each other out, and made the other happy. We knew each other. We got on each other's nerves, but could never stay mad. We loved each other. Plus, we had a kid together. But honestly, if this was for Jayme's convience, I don't think he'd be trying so hard to convince me. It's just not in his character. He's genuinely a good guy.

"Leah, just say the words. It's all you have to do."

_...You and me, right or wrong, there is no other one, it's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind, thinkin' bout better times, must've been out of my mind, so I'm running back to tell you..._

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I was immediately snapped out of my trance, and turned around to see who had wanted me. I gasped when I saw Sam standing there. I heard Jacob snarl behind me, and glanced at him before turning my attention back to Sam.

"Can I help you?" I asked, in a voice that came out nastier than I meant it to.

"I was just wondering if I could cut in?" I gaped at him, and Jacob's growl was louder than was safe. The elderly couple dancing next to him gave him frightened glances, then proceeded to leave the dance floor.

"Uh...I guess so..." I turned to Jacob and gave him a meaningful look. I think he understood that I really did need to talk to Sam. Jacob glared at him one last time, and took off in the other direction. I stared after him, but then turned to Sam.

"Shall we?" I asked, and he nodded, taking one of my hands in his, and placing the other extremely lightly on my waist.

"You look beautiful tonight, Lee-L...Leah," he said, sighing. I looked up into his eyes, and once again we had a moment. It was like we were sent back in time where Sam and I together made sense. But I snapped myself out of it.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "Sam, why are you doing this?" I demanded.

"I...uh...well," but I knew. He was getting closure. I wasn't his bride all dressed in white. He wanted one last dance. Because it was a well known fact that I was his first choice. The one he would've wanted. The one who he should have been with. It didn't take long for me to realize that he brought out the worst in me.

"It's time to let go, Sam," I whispered. He looked up at me with sad eyes, and nodded.

"Just know that I still love you, Leah. I always have. I'm sorry," he stammered.

"There's no need to apologize anymore. I...I'm over it. Or, I will be. I'm getting there. But, Sam...it's not healthy for you or me to hang on to the past that has hurt both of us. We need to move on...without each other. I'm done living my life in misery when there's no reason to. We've both grown up. We have kids, and families, and lives that we need to take care of. There's just not enough hours in the day that are worth stressing over things that can't be changed. I need to take care of Jayme, and see where my life takes me, and I don't think you should be a part of it." He looked hurt, but I didn't care. This is what needed to happen.

"You're right," he said.

"As usual," I joked, and he smiled. It was the first time Sam and I had joked around since what seemed like the end of my world. This didn't mean that we could be friends. That was a painful impossibility, and I refused to put myself through that torture.

With that, the song ended. Sam looked at me for a long time, a subdued despair present in his all-telling brown eyes. As he walked away, I knew that this time, it wasn't my heart that was breaking.

_There is no life after you._

I searched for Jacob for about fifteen minutes before I found him outside. He looked completely disheveled. He'd untucked his shirt, his tie was loosened, and I saw what must have been his belt in his back pocket.

"You okay?" I asked tentatively, slowly approaching him. He turned around, and shrugged.

"What did Sam want?" he asked, suddenly coming to life again.

"Nothing that matters," I told him honestly. He rolled his eyes and looked away again.

"I'm sorry," I said after several long moments of silence.

"Yeah, well I'm glad someone is," he murmured.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He let out a breath with a whoosh, and looked away.

"I don't know." I nodded as if I understood, which of course, I didn't.

I honestly don't know what came over me in those few seconds, but I was done fighting it. Done trying to supress feelings for him that weren't wrong. That he didn't frown upon. It was a tiring effort, and there was no real purpose for it. And with the walls collapsing around me, I threw myself at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him like I've never kissed anyone before.

And to my relief, he kissed me back as if I hadn't ever hurt him. This kiss was so different from the other two we'd shared. There was no restraint here. No control. He wasn't trying to hold himself back and neither was I. Our bodies were simply reacting to each other and to our instincts. So much passion and feeling thrown into one kiss that I couldn't even think. My knees wobbled, and if he weren't holding me so close to him, there was no doubt that I would've fallen to the ground.

Eventually, we both needed some air, and we broke apart. We were reluctant, but we did stop. We were panting, and when I finally had enough oxygen in my brain to form words, I spoke the only words that needed to be said.

"I love you too."

-TBC...

**A/N: …...woah. Intense. I'm in such a daze right now it's not even funny. So this chapter sort of celebrates 500 reviews that I received between the last chapter and this one. (Sorry for the false alarm before. Hahaha!) Thank you, thank you, thank you, to Kei Kat Jones- my 500th reviewer! Your input means so much to me. I always try to anticipate what you are going to say to make me giggle, but you never fail to surprise me. Thank you for sticking with this story from the very beginning.**

**So as you can probably tell, this chapter is the climax of our little story here :( From here, things will pretty much start winding down. I can't tell you exactly how many more chapters there are going to be, or what my next project will be (but I'm toying with the idea of a Jared/Kim story-thoughts?), but I can tell you that there aren't many left. Thank you so much to everyone for reading, reviewing, favoriting, ect. It means so much I can't even tell you.**

**Anyway, this chapter has A LOT of stuff jammed into a 7,235 word document- my longest chapter EVER, might I add. So, I'm expecting great reviews from you guys. Bring it on.**

**I love you all.**

**Until Next Time,**

**WolfGirl4Life**


	34. Chapter 32: Accidentally in Love

Things sort of just worked themselves out after the wedding. I don't know how it happened, but for once in my life, things made some sort of sense.

To tell the truth, the relationship between Jacob and I didn't really change. We were still just as playful and teasing as we always had been. We still supported each other and listened to the other. The only thing that was really different was that we touched and kissed a lot more freely. Of course, when Jacob came over it wasn't necessarily just for Jayme anymore. He'd come over right at lunch time so he could spend just over two hours with her before Embry usually came over and whisked her away. Then we had the house to ourselves, and we could do whatever we wanted.

The only catch was, we had to keep this whole thing a secret. Jacob wasn't too happy that I'd wanted to keep this on the down low, but he'd agreed for my sake. And the nice thing was, Emily and Sam had left their kids with Emily's sister, and gone on a two-week honeymoon to Las Vegas, so I didn't really have to pretend in front of them. I honestly didn't know what pure little Emily Uley would do in Vegas. Knowing her, the scantily clad women in all the shows would somehow 'offend' her, and she'd make Sam take her back to their hotel room. Also, I just couldn't imagine Emily in a casino. It just wasn't in her character. But I did know that Sam had always wanted to go to Vegas. When there was still a possibility of us being together, he'd always insisted that we go to Sin City for our honeymoon. I'd always agreed, being rather intrigued with it myself. But Emily? That didn't seem right. Whatever. I really, _really _didn't feel like thinking about what Sam and Emily were up to as newlyweds. Thankfully, I had Jacob, who was very good at distracting me.

Jacob sort of just took over both packs while Sam was gone, Sam being an idiot hadn't really set up arrangements for when he was away. The funny thing was, Jake seemed like he actually enjoyed being the leader. The way he did it made it seem like it was natural for him to be doing so. The old pack really did respond to him so much better- it was like they actually wanted to do what he told them to. And it was...just slightly sexy when Jacob got riled up and started using his alpha voice when things started getting heated. We hadn't gone past first base, but we'd had some pretty heavy makeout sessions thus far. Let's just say that Jake is a really _really _good kisser.

I don't know how he was doing it, but Jake seemed to be doing a spectacular job of keeping his thoughts away from everyone else's. No one seemed to even suspect that anything had changed between the two of us. That's not to say that every once in a while when I let out a huge grin did any of the pack members give me a confused glance, but that's not the point.

Jacob made me truly and genuinely happy for reasons that I couldn't even begin to understand. That's why I was dreading the day when Sam and Emily returned home from their honeymoon. Because those two knew me just as well as I knew them. They'd know that something, or _someone _was up.

Unfortunately, I was exactly right. Paul decided that it was a good idea to throw the newlyweds a 'Welcome Home' party. I didn't see the reason. They were already married. There was nothing really to celebrate. They'd only been gone for two weeks. But Jacob convinced me that it was a good idea to go. He'd given me that damn cute smile that he knew I couldn't resist.

_Dammit, Clearwater. You're going soft. Watch yourself._

I was put on babysitting duty for the day, picking up Nicole and Derrick from Kayla's house, and watching them until the party started. It was so cute how Derrick and Jayme interacted. They obviously had adorable little crushes on each other. Nicole usually just talked to me while Derrick and Jayme 'flirted'. I didn't really mind, though. Nicole was smart for age. She'd inherited Sam's natural wit and charm, and Emily's unfathomable beauty.

Derrick was the exact opposite. He was the young version of Sam, to a point where it was almost scary. In personality, though, he was Emily through and through. He was quiet, sweet, and had a subdued intellect even for a three-year-old. He was loving and warm,and had a natural sweetness that you couldn't help but be charmed by. He was kind of like Seth in that way.

I was glad for these kids that with their combination of parents, that they actually turned out alright.

8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8

Apparently, I gave Sam and Emily way too much credit. I had thought they'd be super-perceptive, and see immediately that Jacob and I had a _thing_ going on. I stood corrected, though. They were so wrapped up in their happy little 'just married' world, they barely paid any of the rest of us any mind.

The first thing they did when they got home was hug and kiss their children. They then said hello to everyone. After that, they mostly stayed wrapped up in each other, talking quietly in the corner while the rest of us took advantage of the free food. All in all, it was an extremely uneventful party. Very boring. Nothing more to say about it really. Jacob and I spent the entire gathering next to each other, and at this point no one really raised an eyebrow. It was old news that Jake and I were getting along. Of course we did sit a little closer than usual, and Jake sneaked quick pecks on my forehead when he was sure no one was looking, but keeping the truth away from everyone was a lot easier than either of us had expected.

Soon everyone was saying their good nights and goodbyes. Jacob drove Jayme and I home, since he had driven us there. He came inside and helped me put Jayme to bed. Mom had made it her own personal project to convert Dad's old office into a bedroom for Jayme, and she had finished this weekend. The walls were painted in various shades of Jayme's favorite color, purple. Her crib and all her toys were moved in as well. Since Jayme had been sleeping through the night since she was just a year old, I wasn't concerned.

As we left the room and quietly shut the door behind us, Jacob followed me into my bedroom.

**Jacob Black POV**

Despite all the struggles, everything in my life was finally falling in place, instead of falling apart. Leah was now my...girlfriend? I didn't really like the trivial connotation to the word, but it's all I can really think of. Jayme was happy and healthy, and my friendship with the Cullens was slowly on the road to recovery. My Dad had been feeling much better lately, and could now maneuver himself from the couch to his wheelchair if he was hungry enough that he had the motivation. Seth had finally calmed down from his little tirade, and was much friendlier toward everyone.

Life as whole was pretty damn good. I couldn't really complain.

Except the fact that Leah wanted this "thing between us" as she called it, to be kept a secret. I didn't like that. Not at all. I'd told her a few times how much I wanted to be able to stop sneaking around behind our families' backs, but she'd get this terrified look in her eye, and with that simple look I was defeated. That look would be the death of me.

It was no different as we came home from the welcome home party. I'd had to hold back from touching to her, holding her hand...even sitting to close or speaking to each other too much was 'risky', as Leah said. I don't know what her problem was. I honestly didn't know what she was afraid of.

As we put Jayme to bed in her new room, both Leah and I whispering good night's and I love you's, I saw the life I wanted to have. It was us- our little family. As I thought about it, a smile spread across my face. Jayme was the perfect daughter I never knew I'd wanted, and Leah was the perfect lover I never knew I'd cared for. It was this- this was all I wanted. If I could have just these two- my girls- I'd be okay.

Leah and I whispered a final goodnight to our daughter, turned out the lights, and shut the door silently behind us. I followed Leah into her bedroom across the hall. It wasn't a big deal. I'd been in her room plenty of times before this, but as I closed the door behind me, I found myself unsure of what I should do. Leah sat on her full-size bed, leaning up against the headboard and looking up at me.

"So," I said, scanning the room. It looked no different from the last time I'd been in here- the day before last.

"So," Leah repeated, biting her pillowy lower lip. And that only drew my attention to her lips, as it always did. Her full, pink, pouty...

_Get ahold of yourself, man. Chill out. Think about something totally unappealing...hmm...Rosalie? Well, she is kind of hot. Nothing compared to Leah, but-_

And now we'd come full circle. Here we were- back at the beginning. I laid down next to her on her bed, taking hold of her hips, and rolling over so I could kiss her.

"Jake...I..." Leah stammered, leaning away from me, her eyes darting to the door, then back at me. My eyes boring into hers, I knew I couldn't stand not touching her for one more moment.

"I haven't been able to touch you for five hours, Leah. Don't pull away from me," I said through my teeth. I knew she'd never admit it, but I knew she loved it when I got like this. Her eyes flitted to the door again, but when she met my eyes, she gasped.

"O-okay," she stuttered, looking stunned. I rolled over so that I was on top of her, but didn't get crushed by my weight. I leaned in to kiss her, and she met me half way. My hands slid to her lower back, where I felt a sliver of skin just before the waistband of her sweatpants. Her skin felt cool against mine- a wonderful sensation. Our tongues played together in an intricate, passionate, complicated dance. Her hands locked behind her neck as she tried to pull me closer to her, but I don't think it was possible.

I really hoped she wouldn't notice when a car door slammed in the driveway. I could quite literally kiss Leah all day- she was that good. But, go figure, she did hear the door slam. Her body tensed under me, and her already thundering heartbeat seemed to kick up a notch.

"Calm down," I whispered, tracing a finger along her side and kissing her neck softly. Her muscles seemed to relax a little, and I smiled against her skin. She was enjoying it. _Awesome_.

"Jake, its Seth-" she breathed, panting now. The smile faded into a smirk.

"So?" I asked, continuing to kiss up her neck, to the spot behind her ear.

"I don't want him to see-" she gulped when the front door opened, and clicked shut. Then heavy footsteps on the stairs.

"Lets give him a show," I said in a voice so quiet that only Leah could possibly hear me.

"Jake-" she murmured in a panicked voice. I looked up at her and it was those damn eyes. I jumped off the bed, slumping into a seated position against the wall just as the door swung open.

"Hey guys," Seth smiled. We both looked up at him, smiling.

"Hey, man, what's up?" I could feel Leah glaring at me, but I ignored it.

"Nothing. Mom just told me to check in with Leah before I go on patrol. I'll probably be back in the morning, Leah, okay?" he asked. She nodded. We said our good nights and and Seth shut the door again. Neither one of us spoke until the sound of Seth's footsteps were lost in the forest.

"What the hell was that?" Leah screeched. Damn, she was furious. I just laughed, hoping I could get through this the way I always did. It didn't seem to be working as Leah narrowed her eyes into slits and glared at me. I shrugged.

"Jake!"

"I love you. More than anything. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you love me?" I asked.

"Don't be stupid, Jake."

"I don't think it's a stupid question." Her face flushed in rage.

"You know I do," she hissed. "What the hell is this about, Jake?"

"You know what brought this on, Leah? The fact that I just don't want to be your dirty little fucking secret anymore!" I was almost yelling now, and I was scared that Jayme might wake up. And suddenly, it seemed as if my perfect world was turning into shit again.

"You're not!" she wailed. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, well it sure as hell feels like it!" she frowned. "I know this is going to sound completely cheesy but whatever. I want to scream it to the world, Leah. I want to be able to love you and kiss you and have the whole world know about it. I want to go out into the middle of town and hold your hand, just because I can. I want to tell the whole world. I want to rub it in Sam fucking Uley's face that I have the world's most amazing girl, and he can't ever even dream of having her. I want to be everything you want me to be, Leah...I just want everyone else to know."

"I...Jake, it's just..."

"Just what?" I demanded. She just shrugged. And that's when I lost it. I had to get out of here.

"I have to go," I mumbled.

"No!" she cried. I whipped my head around, looking at her in the eye. "Just...don't leave me, Jake. Not now." And because I'm stupid, and masochistic, and I just can't resist her, I climb back up the bed, and pull her into my arms. And she just feels so right here, that even though I'm still furious, I can't help but think that this is where we're supposed to be.

**A/N:** What? Don't look at me like that. You thought that just because they've admitted their undying love for each other that things were going to be easy? Ha- well you thought wrong! *evil laugh with thunder and scary music in the background*

Please review. You'll be my best friend! :)

And if you don't...well...lets just say there **_will _**be consequences.


	35. Chapter 33: She's Gonna Kill Me

I had sincerely hoped that when Jacob and I woke up the next morning, that this would all be over. Jake would stop questioning me, and we could carry on with our lives they way we had been for the past month.

But when I woke up in the morning, I was alone. As I processed this, the bed became much too cold and too big without Jake here to fill it with me. I sat up, feeling hurt and pissed off that he'd left me alone here. I'd been waking up too many nights alone, and doing it now, when I knew that I didn't have to...well, it made me angry. I looked over to the nightstand, and smiled at the picture that was framed. Seth had given it to me. It was a picture of Seth, Jayme, Jacob, and I at a council bonfire. We were all smiling widely. We were all seated on a log, I was in the middle and Jayme was sitting on my lap, wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. Seth, Jacob, and I all had our arms wrapped around each other's shoulders. It was taken about a week after Jacob and I had started speaking after I told him about Jayme, so it must have been...six months ago. With that realization, came another. I'd been back in La Push for almost a year now. And so many things had changed. We all looked so happy in the picture. That was when I had believed that my life was finally starting to turn right-side-up when everything had been upside-down for so long. Boy, how wrong I was.

I knew that I was hurting Jake by insisting that we keep our relationship a secret. I knew it, and was ashamed of it. But the thing was, I kind of liked the secrecy. It made my life a little interesting, but that was selfish, and not the only reason why I kept the secret. I loved what Jake and I had. It was special to me, kind of sacred in a way. It was something that he and I shared. I didn't want everyone else's surely negative reactions to ruin the one of the only good things besides Jayme to happen to me in a really long time. Nobody would be happy about this. There was no doubt about it.

Once everybody knew about Jake and I, things would change. They'd call him crazy, tell him he was being stupid.

"Dude, it's Leah. The bitch, the harpy...remember?" He'd think about it, and then he'd come to his senses and realize that he deserved so much more than what I could give him. I couldn't let that happen. But the thing I was most afraid of, is what Sam would have to say. Or wouldn't have to say.

I scanned the bedside table, and found a piece of paper with words scrawled on it that I didn't remember being there before. I picked it up, and read what was written in Jacob's chicken scratch writing.

_Leah- Sorry for leaving you in the middle of the night, honey, but I needed to clear my head. Sorry for everything I said last night. I was being an ass. I'm sorry that I can't be what you need. I love you so much. -Jake_

Sighing, I crumpled up the piece of paper, and threw it into the trash can across the room. It would be just my luck that Seth or my mom would come snooping and find that there.

I tried calling the Black house, but Rachel picked up, saying that she hadn't seen Jacob since yesterday. As she talked about the wedding plans, I wondered if I should tell her. She kind of deserved to know- being one of my best friends and his older sister. Shit, I was dating my best friend's little brother. God. Dammit. Eventually, I came up with the excuse that Jayme was calling me, so I needed to go. She cheerily said goodbye, completely unaware of everything that was going on around her.

It was nine in the morning, and Jayme was downstairs with Seth, watching Spongebob Squarepants. I laughed,seeing that he was laughing just as hard as she was.

"Good morning, Clearwaters," I said, smiling as I came down the stairs. Seth turned and smiled back. Jayme ran to me. I scooped her up in my arms, distracting myself from Jacob's disappearance.

"How are you this morning, Miss Jayme?" I asked, kissing her on her forehead.

"Good," she giggled.

"Did you have breakfast?" She nodded.

"Grandma made pancakes before she left with Charlie," she explained. I looked to Seth for clarification.

He smiled at me conspiratorially. "He's taking her to Seattle for the day instead of going fishing with Billy." I snorted. I still wasn't used to the fact that my mother was dating. Charlie was a great guy, and he'd done a lot for our family after my dad had passed. He'd been around since I was born, and he was someone that I could really trust to take care of my mother. They'd both lost their spouses in one way or another. If they made each other happy, so be it. Who was I to judge?

"Have you seen Jacob?" I asked, trying to sound casual. Seth didn't pick up on the edge to my voice, and shrugged.

"Probably on patrol. He took over my shift at midnight," he said. I nodded, doing the math in my head. It had been about ten thirty when Seth had almost walked in on Jacob and I last night. I had probably fallen asleep forty-five minutes later, so Jacob must have spent forty minutes in my room with me until he traded patrol with Seth...

It was an awfully boring day. I couldn't call the Black house because Rachel would suspect something was up. So I did what I always did in these situations. I cleaned. And cooked. And scrubbed. And polished. Until the house was sparkling. I even made Seth leave his mud-caked sneakers outside before entering.

"Damn," Seth said, sounding impressed. "You've been busy." He rose an eyebrow at me. He knew about this habit, and he knew something was up. I nodded, playing dumb and pretending I didn't pick up on his gesture.

I made dinner for Jayme, Seth, Sue, Charlie and I, and each of them complimented me on the chicken alfredo I'd made. Sue went and drove Charlie home, and Seth said he was going over to the Cullens tonight. I spent some quality time with Jayme, something I hadn't done for a really long time.

"So, are you happy here?" I asked, already knowing the answer was yes, but I wanted to hear it from her. She nodded enthusiastically. "Honestly?" She nodded again in the same way, and I smiled at her.

"Good. Because we're gonna have to sign you up for kindergarten soon, and I don't want to stay here if you're not happy." I told her. Her eyes brightened.

"Does that mean we're staying here forever?" she asked and the hope in her eyes was so evident it stopped my heart.

"If that's what you want," I promised. She nodded, smiling triumphantly. I didn't have the heart to smile back. I'd been promised forever before, only to be let down on numerous occasions.

"What about it here makes you happy?" I asked, looking at my four-year-old amazed by her intelligence, and not quite sure where it came from.

"I have friends and family. I have a daddy. I have you, and Seth, and Jacob, and Grandma, and Embry, and Derrick, and Claire, and Nicole, and Emily..." she trailed off, sighing contendedly. I smiled loosely at her, nodding.

"Do you like it here, mommy?" she asked, putting me on the spot.

"Uh, yeah," I replied.

"Why?" she inquired.

"Same as you," I smiled at her. "Alright, time for bed!" she frowned, huffing. I raised my eyebrows at her, daring her to fight me. She sighed, giving me a non-threatening glare.

"Come on," I encouraged, standing up, and gesturing towards the stairs. She jumped off the couch, leading the way. I followed her up the stairs, and into her room. We changed into her pajamas, and I put her in her bed.

"Goodnight, Jayme. I love you. More than anything."

"I love you too, Momma." I smiled as she yawned. I shut off the lights, closing the door quietly behind me. As I stepped into the hallway, I let out a gust of air I didn't even know I was holding in. We were here. To stay.

I then walked into my room, flipping on the lights, and deciding that in my cleaning tirade today, I had neglected my room. I went through, tidying up my room, making sure that everything was in it's place. Once I was done, I sat on the end of my bed, contemplating what to do. I was still too riled up from Jacob's absence to sit still and read, or listen to music, but it was really too late to be downstairs.

I sighed, frustrated with myself. I couldn't go 24 hours without seeing him? What the fuck was wrong with me?

Eventually, I laid back on the pillows and closed my eyes, clearing my mind and trying not to think about anything at all. Slowly, I drifted into a light sleep, when I heard sharp tapping. I was abruptly completely awake, and confused. The tapping came again, and it was coming from the window. I walked carefully over to the window. Jacob's face appeared from below.

"God dammit, Lee," he grunted. "Can you open the god damn window?" I chuckled, crossing my arms. Jacob glared at me.

"Lee, I seriously don't want your neighbors to call the cops on me. Please, just open the window." I giggled, unlocking the window, pushing it open, and allowing Jake to swing through. He was shirtless, and had dirt smeared all over his face and arms. He'd been running. And he looked so incredibly hot in this moment that I was having a hard time thinking about anything else. I was having a hard time remembering that I was angry with him.

"Where did you go?" I asked, my voice cold and sharp.

"I took a run," he said, just as expressionless as I was. I nodded, pursing my lips, and sitting on the end of my bed.

"I'm sorry," we murmured at the same time. Then we looked up at each other, then immediately at the floor again. I don't think things had ever been this weird between us- ever.

"I know I'm hurting you Jake, it's just that..."

"Just what?" he demanded, walking closer to me, grabbing my hand tightly in his.

"Just..." I trailed off, glancing at our hands, then back at his face.

"Are you ashamed of me?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"No!" I answered quickly.

"Then what!" he asked, exasperated.

"It's just...from my experience with secrets is that they're better off kept. You're happier that way. When everyone knows the truth, well...all hell breaks loose," I said. "Just think about what people will be saying..."

"You don't care what people think," Jake pointed out.

"Everyone cares what people think, Jake. It's human nature," I said, quoting Rebecca.

"Well if I don't care, you shouldn't either."

"But I do." There was a long pause.

"We're not doing anything wrong, Leah. It's not like we've committed a crime or anything."

"I know."

"Then what are you afraid of?" I shrugged. Only because I didn't have an answer that he would understand. "Leah. You and Jayme mean the world to me. You and my daughter are everything in the world that I've ever wanted and ever needed. And, well I want to show the world how much I love both of you. I want to scream it from the rooftops and kiss you in public, and make Sam green with envy because I got the girl that was always too good for him." I smile, hoping that this was true. He came closer to me, putting his hands on my hips, and bringing his mouth to mine.

Every time he kissed me felt like the first. I would never grow used to the shocks that ran up and down my spine from the electricity of his kiss, of his touch. My body felt like jelly- like I was falling apart at the seams. It wasn't a bad thing- not at all.

"I love you," I said. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath, and smiling so wide I thought his cheeks might break.

"I love you too," he choked, kissing my forehead.

"Are you actually going to stay the night tonight, or are you going to go wolf and bail on me?" I asked, joking around. He smiled.

"We'll see."

We climbed into bed together. I didn't really realize how exhausted I was until I got settled into his warm body. It felt like seconds before I was drifting off into a peaceful sleep...

**Jacob Black POV**

I never really knew what the bloodsucker found so appealing about watching Bella sleep until Leah. But now it made sense. She looked so peaceful when she slept. Like all her worries were gone. Her face relaxed, and sometimes she even smiled as she slept, as if she was having a really good dream.

I don't know how long it had been since Leah had fallen asleep, but her head was on my chest, and she was out like a light. I kissed Leah on the top of the head lightly, and I was slowly starting to drift when I heard the door swing open.

My head snapped up, and my eyes met Sue's who was standing, not looking as shocked as she probably should be.

"Good night, Jacob," she whispered, a knowing smirk on her lips. She closed the door, and her footsteps retreated down the hall.

Damn. Leah was going to kill me.

**A/N: **I'm so sorry the posting has gotten slower. I've been dealing with a lot lately, but things are starting to lighten up, so hopefully these will be out quicker. Unfortunately, we don't have very many chapters left. Basically ***spoiler alert* **we are going to have everyone find out, and then we're just going to be doing some wrap up stuff. These have been an awesome two years, and you guys are so amazing and supportive. I couldn't have asked for more.

As for my next project, I have been toying with the idea of a Jared/Kim story. Let me know if that is something you'd be interested in reading. If not, what would you like to see from me in the future. And if you had to pick which of my stories would you like me to continue- Complicated or Catch Me If I Fall?

Thanks guys, you are truly amazing.

Until Next Time,

WolfGirl4Life


	36. Interlude: Seth Clearwater

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, guys. I really, truly, am. Writers block is tough, and school's been pretty rough on me the past few months.**

** As you've probably noticed, my way of defeating writer's block is to switch perspectives. And I tried both Jacob and Leah and what I wrote came out extremely boring. So this is what I've got for you. **

** Seth Clearwater is probably one of my favorite characters after Jacob and Leah. And my Seth is a little different than a lot of other people's. My Seth is a little angsty and a lot sensitive so please don't pick on him. If you do, both Leah and I get pretty mama bear over him, so...**

** Ha ha I kid. Maybe. **

**Seth Clearwater**

My life is going pretty well at the moment. I really have nothing to complain about. No pack drama to speak of, no crazy redhead vamps coming to attack Forks, Bella wasn't carrying any freaky vampire hybrids that were breaking her from the inside out, and the Italian vampires hadn't made contact with the Cullens since the night of the almost-battle. The crazy phasing in La Push has come to a complete stand-still, and the pack division isn't quite settled yet, but at the moment there's no reason to start any fights. Things have been pretty quiet since all of that went down. Nothing bad has happened, anyway.

The only thing that's happened that's caused any kind of negative controversy is Jacob breaking his imprint. This news wreaked havoc on every member of both packs that had imprinted and the imprintees themselves. Sam most of all, though. And his thoughts were kind of scary in the beginning. In the beginning, he was tormenting himself, saying that if he was strong enough earlier on, he could've broken his imprint on Emily to be with Leah and none of this mess would've ever occurred. Embry told me he even caught Sam thinking that he would do it now. That got me angry. How dare he even think that he's good enough for Leah? Embry calmed me down, saying that even if he did, Leah would just bitch-slap him into an oblivion and send him back to Emily, Nicole, and Derrick. It made me laugh, because what Embry said sounded pretty much spot on.

And I'd recovered from my little rebellious stage that I'd gone through a couple of weeks ago. That's not to say that I'm not still entirely pissed off, but I realized that without the pack, I'm just what they say I am. A kid. A young kid who has never been outside the Washington state border. I wouldn't make it a week out there on my own. Especially now since that damn vampire had to just come and take a chomp on my leg.

Even thinking about my own stupidity and arrogance on that day makes me angry with myself. I remember I was upset with Sam and the rest of the pack. I thought they were underestimating me. I was on patrol alone, because that's what we do now that there's nothing around. One person to watch the reservation just in case. Howl for back-up if you catch anything.

I'd decided that I could take one vamp on my own. Her scent was weak, meaning she hadn't fed in a while, and she wasn't particularly strong. I'd convinced myself that I could take her by myself. I'd prove to them that I could handle myself just fine.

I'd traced her scent until I caught up with her. We fought like usual, I'd thought I'd had the upper hand, pinning her to the ground and snapping my teeth at her neck. That's until I got a look at her face. Even with her unfamiliar red eyes, Bella's face appeared instead of hers. Then Alice's, then Esme's, and Rosalie's. It distracted me for a second, because I couldn't kill one of the Cullens. The Cullens were my friends. And that moment of hesitation is what did me in. The vampire took advantage of my pause, and took a snap at my leg.

The pain of the venom was excruciating. Once I realized what had happened, I knew I was going to die. I thought of all my friends, my family. My mom, who was finally starting to find happiness again, with Charlie. I prayed that they would be happy, and that this wouldn't hurt her too much. Leah, my beloved big sister who I hadn't seen in a year and a half- I hoped she was happy, wherever she was and whatever she was doing. Jacob- for tolerating my hero worship for years, then becoming one of my best friends. Edward- for always trusting me and believing in me, and fighting for my life that one day on the cliff. My dad, well, I'd see him soon enough.

I let out a howl that didn't sound like my own. This was it. I was going to die here. Thanks to my own stupidity.

Dying is strange thing. A scary thing. Because when it hits you, and you know it's coming, you do everything in your power to believe that it isn't true. But then again, you know it is. And you realize that there are no second chances. That everything you've ever done, everything you've ever loved, everything you've ever stood for and believed in...all led up to this. Because when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how many girls you've kissed- which would be none, in my case, or how much pain you suffered or didn't suffer, or many A's you got on your report card. Because when you die, all you see is your mistakes. You see every single chance you didn't take, or the people you let slip away. And after all that, you see the one face of the one person who truly matters to you. And I saw Leah before it all went black.

When I woke up, the first thing I remember is confusion. Everything was white around me. Was this heaven? Was I finally going to be able to see my dad? But then I heard familiar voices that brought me back down to Earth.

"Seth! Seth, man, are you awake?" Jake's frantic voice was the first thing I comprehended. Why was he screaming? I clutched my forehead- it felt like someone was beating it with a hammer. I turned my head, searching for him, but he wasn't near me. Was I in wolf form? I lifted my human hand, and sighed. What the hell is going on?

"Jacob, quieter, please. Seth?" a different voice called, farther away than Jake was. Or maybe it wasn't as loud because they weren't screeching at the top of their lungs. It took me a while, but I finally put a face to the voice. Edward.

"Jake? Edward? What's going on?" I asked, my eyes finally focusing out of a blurry haze. I sat up further, and my stomach lurched. I wrapped one arm around myself, and clutched my forehead with the other. Everything hurt. Everything was sore.

"Seth, dude, are you okay?"

"Are you in pain, Seth?"

"What happened to you?"

"Can you recall?"

"You should call your mom before she flips shit at me." Jake and Edward took turns throwing out suggestions and questions at me without giving me a chance to speak.

"Stop!" I said, holding up the arm that was clutching my stomach. "Just give me a second, okay?" Jacob and Edward muttered apologies, and looked at the ground. The silence helped my throbbing headache. The pain started to slowly subside as the minutes passed. Both Edward and Jacob remained standing by my side. I finally recognized where I was. I was at the Cullen's house- in the same room that Nessie was born. Oh, perfect. How fitting.

"Okay, before you start springing questions on me, can you tell me what happened?" Edward and Jacob glanced and each other before looking back to me.

"I would think it would be more appropriate for you, Jacob," Edward said quietly. Geez. What could have possibly happened to me?

And in that moment, it all came back. The scent. The vamp. The fight. The pain. The blackness. More pain. Death. I looked up at my alpha, and sighed.

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

Looking back now, I don't know if I should have apologized. If they hadn't treated me like a kid, then I wouldn't have gone running off searching for trouble. But if I hadn't been so full of it...well, there wouldn't be a crescent shaped bite mark on my leg.

Now I have an obvious white scar on my calf that hasn't so much as faded since the attack. The incident is almost forgotten, except for Carlisle, who asks to look at it every few months. He sees no change, and then goes back to whatever he does day after day. And except for me who has to struggle if I want to walk more than two miles down the road to the beach, or Sam's house, or Jake's. I know that most normal people wouldn't notice the limp. Mom didn't. Charlie didn't. Leah sure didn't. But it was there. And each step reminded me that I would never be good enough.

I acted like it didn't bother me. That I didn't care that my own inability to think like a wolf and not care that I was shredding a vamp to pieces had me sitting at home every time a vampire came around. Why couldn't I just not care about killing?

The worst part is, I know exactly why I can't be like the rest of them.

I care too much. I always have and always will. About everything and everyone. I give my love away like it means nothing to me, and people take advantage of it. Who was the one that made friends with the Cullens? Who was the only one to talk to Bella after the fight with the new borns? Who was the one that put their life on the line to save her? Who was the one that actually went and looked for Jacob after he ran away, and fought as hard as he could against the alpha command to stay home? Who was the one who didn't judge Bella for actually wanting to keep her baby? Who was the one that cried the night Leah left town with only a note telling me not to miss her?

Oh yeah, me.

No good deed goes unpunished, apparently.

The sound of Emily's voice pulls me back to the present, and I sigh.

"Seth, I don't mean to rush you out, but it's eleven thirty..."

"No, I get it. Thanks for dinner, Emily," I say, and my voice sounds dead, even to me.

"You okay?" she asks, genuinely concerned. I look down at her scarred face, smile, and nod. I'm really good at faking happiness. I've been doing it ever since Leah fell into her depression.

I walk out the door, thanking Emily again. The door closes behind me, and I sigh, looking at the front porch stairs that led to the driveway. Stairs. The one real pain that I could never get away from. I wince as I race down as fast as I can, ignoring the burning as I walk to the car. It's mom's car, really. She spends so much time with Charlie nowadays that she never really uses it.

As I shove the key into the ignition, I think about Leah. How glad I am that she's back. How amazing my niece is. It makes me smile, so I continue thinking about it. Jayme is...there's really no way to describe it. There's something about her. But my thoughts retreat, because I can't help thinking about it. How even in Emily's warm kitchen with the friends that have turned into family, I'm still very much alone. Because Sam has Emily, Paul has Rachel, Jared has Kim, Quil has Claire, and Embry has Jayme. Everyone is so happily paired together, and then there's me. The eleventh wheel.

Story of my life.

It seems like the one who is most quick to love is the one who is denied it. It's all I want. I don't care if it's through imprinting or just falling in love the normal way. I want someone to love. Someone to love me back.

As I approach the house, I hear familiar voices. Leah's voice. Jacob's voice. Their laughter. They've been together so much lately, I'm starting to feel a little left out. And then I hear something unexpected.

"I love you." Jacob is the one who says it, and I'm waiting for Leah's screams. For her hand slapping his face. But I hear nothing of the sort.

"I love you too." It's Leah's voice this time, and nothing shocks me more than hearing her say this to him. And then I hear a familiar sound.

Kisses. And they aren't stopping. I wait, and wait, but it doesn't stop. I squeeze my eyes shut hoping that this is all just a dream. But unfortunately, this is my reality.

I'm in a universe where I'm completely and totally alone.

I've lost my sister. I've lost my alpha and best friend.

It doesn't make me mad that they're together. I was actually kind of expecting that to happen. I was actually really happy for them, despite my glum mood. It was just the fact that I was the odd one out. Always the odd one out.

But as I think about Leah and Jacob, all the pieces seem to fall together. Leah's recently uplifted mood. The kiss on the cheek she gave me as I she came down the stairs this morning. The random smiles and humming of unfamiliar tunes. She was happy before, but this was different. She was in love. God dammit.

And if Jacob Black had the balls to hurt my sister, there was nothing stopping me from attacking him. Not that I'd win with this stupid bad leg. And not that he'd hurt me, but still.

I consider going to the Cullens, but decide against it. Everyone there is happily in love as well. Except for Nessie, who is dealing with her separation from Jacob rather nicely, seeing as though he hasn't been back since he told her that the imprint was broken.

So I get out of the car, and walk to the back door. I drag my feet, my heavy heart weighing me down. I ghost through the house until I've reached my room, closing the door as quietly as I can. I hope I haven't disturbed them, seeing as though there's only a thin wall separating us now. I can hear everything. And they haven't come up for air yet, if my ears weren't playing tricks on me.

I lay down on my bed, closing my eyes, and hoping to get some sleep.

Five minutes later, and they haven't stopped. God dammit, didn't they need some oxygen in their brains? I considered throwing something at the wall, but I didn't have the energy.

I pulled my pillow over my ears, and that helped a little. I could still hear, but it was muted. Put to the back burner. I clutched the scratchy pillowcase to my ears, hoping that everything would be better in the morning.

8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8

When I came down the stairs that morning, Jacob was gone. Leah was in the kitchen, cooking something sweet. Most of the pack would say that Emily is the best cook. That's only because Leah hardly ever shares. I'd take Leah's cooking over Emily's any day. When I entered the kitchen, I noticed it was M&M pancakes. My stomach growled loudly. Loud enough that Leah could hear. She turned around and smiled widely at me. And what a smile it was. It was so bright that I had to look away. She hadn't looked this happy in a long time.

"Hungary?" she asked, giggling. Wow. I hadn't heard Leah giggle in a long time. I just nodded, sitting down at the head of the kitchen table. I watched her, trying to figure it out. Something was different. She was lighter, she had a glow around her that seemed to illuminate the entire room. I was shocked. I'd missed glowing Leah. I hadn't seen her in a really long time.

A couple of minutes later, she placed a plate heaping with M&M pancakes, butter, and maple syrup in front of me. My mouth quite literally watered. She handed me a fork and knife, and sat down with her own plate next to me. We ate in a semi-comfortable silence for a few minutes before I spoke.

"So," I said, my mouth full of pancake. Leah looked up at me.

"So?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and putting another chunk of pancake in her mouth.

"So," I continued, putting down my fork and knife. "You and Jacob, huh?" Her jaw dropped and her face flushed. She looked down at her plate, her smile fading.

"So that's what's got you all riled up?" she asked quietly. I shrugged.

"Didn't know I was riled up," I said honestly. She looked at me, then back at her pancakes. "You never really answered my question."

"You never really asked one," she pointed out. She was avoiding talking about this. She should know that I was going to get it out of her. I'd only known her since I was born.

"Fair enough," I said, taking another bite of pancake. I let that sit there. She was going to burst in three...two...

"Yeah, me and Jacob, okay?" she asked. I nodded triumphantly. "How'd you find out?"

"Lee, your bedroom isn't the best hiding spot," I said. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Point taken," she admitted, avoiding my eyes. "Are you mad at me?" she asked.

"Depends," I shrugged, though I knew it didn't matter what she said. I wouldn't be mad.

"On what?" she asked, nervously.

"How long you've been hiding," I said, meeting her gaze. She turned her head, as if looking at the clock on the wall. But I knew she didn't really care what time it was. We sat in silence for a couple of seconds before she sighed.

"Just over a month," she said so quietly that if I weren't a wolf, then I wouldn't have been able to hear it. I nodded, pursing my lips.

"Seth, I'm sorry..." she started.

"Don't be. I'm not mad. Just..." I let out a gust of air. "I don't know...weirded out?" She laughed, and I smiled with her. Because for the first time in a long time, I knew she wasn't faking a smile around me. This was genuine. My sister was finally happy. And for what it's worth, right now that's all that really mattered. "And by the way, I guess I'll keep your secret."

"Thanks, Seth. You're the best," she told me. I nodded, and went back to my pancakes. Where I noticed that Leah had placed the M&M's in the shape of a heart. She was standing in the door way, about to leave the kitchen when I looked up at her.

"Thanks," I said. She looked confused, and I expected her to be. But she didn't ask, which was good because I didn't really want to explain.

"I love you Seth," she said sincerely. "Always remember that." And then she left the room. I didn't need to say it for her to know that I loved her too.

**Aww Sethy-poo! I love him so much. Like I said before, my Seth is different. He likes to make everyone think he's happy, and likes to make himself believe it too. But on the inside, my Seth is suffering more than he'd like to admit. So, there you go.**

** Sorry for the slow updates. I'm trying, I swear.**

** Please review!**


	37. Chapter 34: Mission Accomplished

I laid there, on my back in the middle of the woods. The moonlight shone down on me. There were goosebumps all over my body, but it wasn't from the cool midsummer air and the light breeze gently stroking my skin. Even it was, I was in Jacob's arms, so it was a little hard to be cold. It didn't matter that I was naked. It didn't matter that I was still breathless. It didn't matter that his warm breath was grazing my ear in an uncomfortable way. All that mattered was that I was here, with him, and I had no intention of running away. And the only thing that had crossed my mind in the past five minutes was..._wow._

I don't know how long we've been laying here, but it has to be at least fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes after Jacob and I had finally had sex for the "first" time, and I had absolutely nothing to say.

I didn't like comparing it to mine and Sam's first time, but I couldn't help it. After Sam and I had done it, we'd had an awkward talk. And the sex? Equally awkward. Neither of us really knew what we were doing, and he'd finished when I'd just barely gotten started. And then he snuck out the window and back to his house. In hindsight, I realize that we were only separated from Seth by a thin wall, and my parents were just down the hall. We didn't get caught, of course, but still.

But this...this was so much different. There was nothing awkward about the way Jacob and I were sitting now. It was...comfortable. Safe. No awkward talk, no promises of forever. Just him. Just me. It was amazing. And the sex? Equally amazing. Still, it had been quiet for too long, and I wasn't one for silence. Jacob was still out of breath, and I felt his chest rising and falling underneath me.

"Are you always this wiped out after sex, or is it just me?" I ask, laughing to myself.

"Seeing as though you're the only person I've ever had sex with, and I don't even remember the first time, I wouldn't know," he said, his breathing still labored. His smile was wider than I'd ever seen it. He then glanced to the west, towards the house a couple of miles away. "We should probably get you back soon," he told me, though it didn't seem like he had any intention of moving anytime soon.

"I don't want to leave," I told him honestly, feeling oddly shy. I was lying here naked in his arms, and I was scared to tell him this simple fact. I bit my lip and looked away from him into the trees. He took my chin between his fingers and turned my face back to his. He kissed my nose lightly.

"Don't look away from me. I hate it when you do that. I feel like...you're hiding something. And I don't want there to be any secrets. Plus, you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen," he said, our foreheads touching.

And now we're back to secrets. This is why I'd been so reluctant to take our relationship further. Every word, every touch, every breath, would be replayed back to the pack. And though they've all seen me naked before, I really don't want to give them a reminder.

I sigh, and figure he's right, we should be getting back. The sun was starting to rise, and I wanted to be back in bed before anyone woke up. I try to stand up, but Jacob tightens his grasp around me. I laugh, and try to wriggle free, but Jake's not having it.

"You said you wanted to stay. So stay," he whispered in my ear.

"But what I want and what I need are two different things," I whisper back. "And I want and need to be there when Jayme wakes up." That's all Jake needs to hear. He sits up, and helps me to my feet. He finds my clothes for me, and helps me dress before he dresses himself.

I ride the rest of the way home on Jacob's back, until my house comes into view. I then hop off, taking his hand, and strolling up to the side of the house.

The big oak tree next to my bedroom window had been my savior in high school, and it was my savior now.

"You coming up?" I asked. He shrugged.

"If you want me to."

"How long has it been since you were home?" He hesitated, and I realized he didn't know.

"Go home," I laugh, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll see you later." He nodded, but didn't leave. I raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"I want to make sure you don't break your neck on the way up the tree, and plus you haven't kissed me goodbye yet," he said.

"I just did," I said flatly.

"A real kiss," he demanded. I giggled, and took a step closer to him. He circled his arms around me, and kissed me so fiercely that if he hadn't been holding me up then my knees would have been weak.

"Maybe I will come upstairs..." he trailed off as we broke apart, glancing up at my bedroom window.

"Hold up there, lover boy. I don't think that's a good idea," I said, chuckling, but really meaning it. After that kiss, I don't know how long if at all I'd be able to resist him.

"Tease," he growled playfully in my ear.

"I love you, Jake," I said, kissing him on the nose.

"Love you too, Lee." I turned and started climbing. I had every step memorized, and Jacob had nothing to worry about, but once I was through the window, I stuck my head out, and smiled, motioning for him to leave. He sighed, and ran off into the night.

I flopped down on my bed, ecstatic yet utterly confused. I'd had sex with Jacob Black. I'd had sex with Jacob Black. Oh my god. I just had sex with Jacob Black. Again. And I wasn't even the least bit sorry about it. It was hard to believe, but I'd done it.

I wasn't sure how I'd gotten to this point. Where I could love Jacob freely with no regrets. Where I was comfortable in myself and my new life. But somehow, after all my wandering, searching for something that I never really knew, I'd found it. Completely by accident. After Jacob came into my life, all the pieces seemed to fall into place. Maybe he'd been what I was missing all this time. I couldn't be sure. But I knew that from this point on, there were no more regrets.

8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8

The next day, I spent planning things with Rachel. She'd finally made up her mind about the stupid stuff, and now we were really getting down to business. Today's agenda: guest list.

As I scanned the list, I frowned. I scanned it one more time, checking to see if I'd missed it. But no, I hadn't. Her name wasn't there.

"You're not inviting Rebecca?" I asked, looking at Rachel curiously. Rachel shook her head.

"Why waste the paper? She's not going to come," Rachel said.

"She's your twin sister," I said.

"When has that ever mattered?" she asked, and I looked away, knowing it was true. For the first couple of weeks that she'd started adjusting to pack life, all Rachel had wanted was to talk to Rebecca. Of course, she couldn't say anything to give away the secret, but Rachel begged her to at least come visit. Rebecca had refused. I wasn't even sure if the two girls had spoken since.

"When did you last talk to her?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter, Leah. I have nothing to say to her."

"Yes, you do. You miss her. We all do. But...when I saw her when I was in Hawaii...she's really _really _happy, Rachel. I don't think she wants to get sucked back into La Push." Rachel's eyes began to tear, and I pulled her into my arms.

"I'm s-so sorry L-Leah," she sobbed. "I just miss Becky. I want her to come home." I knew how she felt. And I also knew that Rebecca hated it when Rachel called her Becky.

"Look, I'll call her up, and I'll talk to her. I'll see if she'll come up for at least the day," I reassured her. Rachel had calmed down by now, and the tears had already stopped flowing.

"You know, I almost don't want her to come back. I wouldn't want to subject her to...this." I knew what she meant. As comfortable and as content with our lives as every member of the pack and imprints were, we knew we were cursed. There was no way we'd bring it upon anyone else. I nodded. How bad would it be if Rebecca came up for the weekend, and someone imprinted on her? Which was likely. She did have the Black family gene.

"Speaking of which, Rachel, I have to tell you something," I say, knowing that I had to tell her the truth. Honestly, now was just as good a time as ever, and I knew that sooner was better than later.

"Yeah, Lee? What's up?"

"I want you to hear me out before you get angry, okay? Don't jump to conclusions..."

"Lee...what's going on?" she asked carefully.

"I'm sort of...dating...your brother?" it came out as more of a question than a statement. Rachel seemed to have a hard time processing what I was saying.

"Continue," she said calmly. I was just glad she wasn't flipping out.

"Look, Rachel, I know it's kind of weird, but he makes me happy. He really does. I don't know how, or why, or when it started happening, it just sort of did."

"Leah, I understand, okay? I'm here for you," Rachel said, smiling at me. And I was so relieved. I hugged her once again, and smiled throughout the rest of the day and into the night.

8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8o8

My life was pretty good. But there were still a few things hanging over my head that I needed to fix. As Rachel had told me months ago, the only way to move on into the future is to come to terms with the past. I was going to do just that. As the dial tone on Jake's cell phone ended, and his voice mail picked up. _'Hey this is Jake. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you.'_

"Hey Jake, it's Leah. I was wondering if you had Alice's number? You know, Alice Cullen? Call me back. Love you, bye."

**AN: …...**

**Before you yell at me, please spare me a minute of your time. I have been extremely busy. I just took on a second job, and I still do have school. I have the week off for Thanksgiving, so I think I will have some good quality writing time. **

**Sorry to say, but this is the second to last chapter before the epilogue. We have one more, and then the finale. Thanks guys. You leave me speechless.**

**Okay, now you can kill me...unless you want the story finished...mwah hahahahahahahahaha ;)**

**Oh, I forgot...**

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